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ette_'s avatar

How often do you see your boy/girlfriend (if you aren't married or cohabitating)?

Asked by ette_ (1360points) February 18th, 2011

I usually only see him once or twice a week, but over the past two weeks I saw him almost every other day because he hasn’t been working and also because it was my birthday. And now that things are “going back to normal” (he’s going back to work on Monday and obviously my birthday is over), I’m feeling moody and bratty because he’s not coming over tonight. Not to mention I’m PMSing at the moment.

Anyway, I’ll be fine, but coming off my last relationship with my ex who I lived with for 6 years, it has definitely taken some time for me to adjust to dating someone I don’t live with or see every single day. But that’s okay, right? I mean, it’s perfectly normal (or, not “bad”) to have time apart from the boyfriend and do my own things. I’m just not used to it! I feel like a brat for getting upset about not seeing him 24/7 because he sees me more often than he visits his mom, dad, sister, and grandmother who I know are incredibly important to him and I would never want to take him away from spending time with his family (who don’t all live together, so he actually has about 3 different homes to visit in a week if he wants to try to see his entire family).

For those of you who aren’t married or cohabitating, how often do you see your significant other, and do you wish you could see them more or less? Is it okay to be feeling what I’m feeling? I’m not really looking for “permission” to be selfish, I just want to know if I’m completely alone in feeling this way sometimes or if others have felt or feel the same way too. :]

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10 Answers

TexasDude's avatar

About twice a week.

I like my space, and she respects that.

ette_'s avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard, so even though you like your space, it doesn’t mean that you don’t like spending time with her, right? I think sometimes I just have this hard-coded idea in my head that it’s mutually exclusive. I know it’s ridiculous. But it subconsciously translates into “I don’t want to see you every day because I don’t care about you” which is very unfair to him, I think.

TexasDude's avatar

@hurtntired, nope, not at all. I’m just the kind of person that likes alone time… and a lot of it. I do enjoy seeing her, of course, and the pleasure I take in solitude does not negate the pleasure I get from her (and my other friends/family members).

hug_of_war's avatar

Once a month (long-distance).

muppetish's avatar

We attend the same university and arrange to meet throughout the week. On Mondays and Wednesdays, we have class together when I get out of work. Sometimes we are able to hang out together on Thursdays after my class ends. When I clock out on Fridays, we spend the rest of the evening together. We have spent nearly every weekend together since the beginning of our relationship.

Both of us are clingy by nature.

Haleth's avatar

Two or three times a week. I love to see him and love our time together. He’s a lot of fun. But more than that and I’ll start getting cabin fever. I’m introverted by nature and recharge by spending time alone. When he gives me the space I need, I’m happier to see him and more relaxed and loving. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

zenvelo's avatar

I see my girlfriend once or twice a week. She is studying for a professional licensing exam; I have custody of my two kids. We’re both very busy. We do communicate a lot- emails, facebook, texts, phone calls.

I wish we could see each other more often, but our lives don’t allow it right now.

ette_'s avatar

@Haleth, the problem with me is that I actually do get cabin fever myself if I see him too much, but yet I still have this somewhat innate need (or so I think) to see him more often. But I think that seeing him more often is exactly the reason why I got really moody today about him NOT coming over tonight and I wanted to bite his head off. I stopped short of it though because I realized how ridiculous I was being.

For people like you and @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard who like your alone time, does that also mean that you don’t talk on the phone to your SO? This relationship has taught me tons about the meaning of being alone and getting alone time, and I’m definitely better at giving him his space now than I was at the beginning of our relationship, but I’m still learning about how to give and receive space without taking it personally and thinking someone doesn’t care about me…

TexasDude's avatar

@hurtntired, we text pretty much every day. Neither of us are “phone” people, so we’re both fine with that. We know that our affections are genuine, and we just don’t need constant contact to validate it. Some people are comfortable with that, and some aren’t. You’ve just got to learn to handle it if you aren’t.

ette_'s avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard, I’m basically learning to be UN-comfortable with it. :) It’s painful but worth it to me because I’d still rather spend 1 day a week with him than 24/7 with someone I didn’t feel the same way for. It just gets really aggravating sometimes.

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