General Question

coolblue's avatar

Am I over-obsessed with this girl?

Asked by coolblue (55points) February 19th, 2011

I really need some help. I joined this company some 3 weeks ago and met this girl during the induction. Same team, exchanged numbers, she calls me everyday before we reach office. We’re undergoing training so we sit together, we talk after I reach home – sometimes till midnight. I thought its going somewhere, but last week she introduced me to her boyfriend. We partied together at his place. I talked to him some couple of times over phone after that. We’re still the same, we talk before we reach office and also after we reach home and she started sharing very emotional and personal details of her life with me which she said even her bf doesn’t know about. I think about her a lot because I really like her and don’t know what the hell is going on between us. Please help me guys

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16 Answers

RareDenver's avatar

She’s using you as an emotional crutch while she tries to stuff out with her boyfriend

zenvelo's avatar

It sounds like you both are falling for each other. A couple of things: dating a coworker is fraught with peril Be careful lest you lose your job.

This may become a friend situation, can you live with that?

And if she is falling fo you, unless you like a lot of drama and turmoil in your life, you should consider telling her to decide on you or the boyfriend, but not see both of you.

RareDenver's avatar

Correction She’s using you as an emotional crutch while she tries to sort stuff out with her boyfriend

perspicacious's avatar

She’s not available; she has a boyfriend. Be friendly but stop talking to her except for work related things.

kess's avatar

Yep she is a player and even if you two have a relationship…. you would find yourself trying too hard to keep her…that kind is insatiable.

Nevertheless you can’t really go wrong cause it matters little who she is but who you are…

Even when youre hurt you will also see that you’ve had the better end of the stick because your love was always true…

Do not be afraid of pain my friend.. what so ever you do do it with al your heart.

coolblue's avatar

@kess: The thing is she’s not cheating on her bf, she talks to me even when she’s with him, it just that the intimacy we share, emotional stuff she’s sharing which her bf allegedly doesn’t know about, talking for long hours even after office, makes me suspicious that something’s going on. I am so damn confused.

blueiiznh's avatar

She is a player.
Also you need to learn – don’t shit where you eat

coolblue's avatar

@blueiiznh: So should I ask her directly or maintain some distance from now on?

kess's avatar

She probably have not cheated because she has been given the opportunity…
Her “problems” most likely are created by herself and she really does not want a solution otherwise she will not have an excuse.

You see you two already have a relationship…if you were her bf how would you take the relationship between you two….I am sure you would be uncomfortable with it..

That is of course if youre a player yourself and really care little…

No one should tell you what to do…cause only you can live with your decision…
just make sure that your motive is pure and all should be well with you…

what ever the outcome… you will be fine.. whether you find yourself a faithful bride.. or she moves on like so many players do… could very well be that she was waiting for you so she did not stick…

coolblue's avatar

@kess: thanks dude for the valuable advice. Her bf not only knows about both of us but he’s very friendly to me. Met him a couple of times. So I guess either she’s a player as you said or i’m in the ‘Friend Zone’. I’ve to figure it out for myself. Thanks for making me realize the other perspective. God bless you!

6rant6's avatar

Damn strange. Two things working in your favor – 1) she didn’t tell you about her boyfriend early on so maybe she’s still keeping you in the “possibles” stack. 2) She didn’t call him her fiance, so maybe that means they aren’t really committed.

And then there are two bad things – 1) She didn’t tell you about her boyfriend early on. So if you every become an item, she might continue hooking other guys just for sport. 2) If she thinks it’s okay to fool around on the sly when he’s “just” her boyfriend, she’s going to do the same to you.

Be a man – move on.

Kardamom's avatar

She’s using you. She’s getting all the good warm fuzzies without having to put out or break up with her boyfriend or make a commitment to you.

The boyfriend might be a good guy, but how would you like to be in his shoes? Having your girlfriend talk to some other fellow every single day each morning and having long intimate conversations with him well into the night. If you were the boyfriend would you want that? If you become the boyfriend, she is likely to pull the same crap on you when some other “warm fuzzy” comes along.

The fact that you will be working with her on the same team (or in the same dept.) is not going to work out well, either. If you get together, there will always be some type of inappropriateness with regards to other employees, and if you break up, your life will be a living hell.

everephebe's avatar

Is it possible she thinks you’re her girlfriend? I mean, does she think you’re gay? Just a thought, that could explain the way she’s treating you.

Summum's avatar

I guess you should ask yourself some things. Like if she is showing you what you consider intimate information and you think she is letting her boyfriend down then what happens if you become the boyfriend? Would she then find someone else to be more intimate with than you? Does she really think about you in the way you apparentely are thinking about her? If so is that cheating on a boyfriend that you might become? Are you reading into things something that is not there for her?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ll guess she’s not getting what she wants from her relationship with her bf and so enjoys the attraction and friendship between you and her for all she can. She’s probably fooling herself she can keep this platonic while seeing what happens with her bf. There’s enough there for her not to cut him loose in order to take up with you and there’s enough interest in you for her to keep you close. Sometimes the new guy is better, wins the girl and all is fine but try to find out quickly what’s up with her bf.

Pattijo's avatar

She is going to drag you down , move on . You just started your new job , let that be more important .
It is better to just keep friends at work , not love relationships !! You’ll go down

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