General Question

dreamer31's avatar

Would you want your child to marry outside their race?

Asked by dreamer31 (1932points) February 20th, 2011

Here is where I stand, I would rather my child marry someone,of another race who treats them with respect and love than marry someone in our own race who is ‘sorry’ and treats them awful.
How do you feel? Do you know anyone who feels differently?
If you wouldn’t, is this considered prejudice?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

50 Answers

Coloma's avatar

I have zero qualms about inter racial relationships.

My daughter is 23 and her boyfriend is half Filipino.

I’d love him to become my son-in-law, not to mention he makes the best Lumpia ever! LOL

TexasDude's avatar

I’d rather my child (if I had one) marry someone they love regardless of if they were green, purple, black, white, blue, or whatever.

coffeenut's avatar

Normally I wouldn’t care who my child marries…..BUT I wouldn’t let them if they were going to merry a alien

iamthemob's avatar

Race would be the last of my concerns.

BhacSsylan's avatar

Um, really? People have trouble with this question? That’s kind of ridiculous. Why would race matter at all in this question?

SavoirFaire's avatar

Couldn’t care less. Why is it you think this is a difficult question to answer? People who are against interracial relationships seem to get less and less shy about their views every day.

lynfromnm's avatar

My two daughters have always known that there is only one race among humans. Our DNA is proof. My dearest wish is that they are loved by whomever they choose to love.

dreamer31's avatar

I have had this discussion before and although this is not a difficult question, in my opinion, I am curious to see how many people feel the same way.
I find the answers interesting, so excuse me if I offended anyone, that is not my intentions.

Kardamom's avatar

It shouldn’t matter at all, but in some circumstances (even today) it probably does. In my case, my friend’s father is a Presbyterian Korean minister. It matters deeply to his father that he should only marry a Korean woman (not half white and certainly not white or anything else, not even any other Asians). Unfortunately, his father would be angry and devastated if my friend were to marry out of his race, which is very unfortunate because my friend is interested in American women (because he is an American) and that can mean just about anyone from any race. And he doesn’t live in an area in which he is surrounded by Koreans, either, so it is a dilemma. He wants to be respectful to his family, but he also wants to marry someone that he loves.

It’s really ashame that in this day and age, people can’t just look around and see people, but there are reasons (that may be known or un-known to us) that make that situation impossible. So dating and marrying out of one’s race is only a problem with regards to the way the couple is likely to be treated or perceived by others.

blueiiznh's avatar

Happiness and love is what matters.

ragingloli's avatar

Define “race”.
That said, I would not care if my offspring mated with a klingon.

cockswain's avatar

I’m comfortable with Asian or better.

sakura's avatar

if they love the person then why not? I’m not saying that it won’t be difficult at times as most relationships are, (otherwise it’s not a relationship!) but I would hope they don’t encounter any difficulties due to the fact they are of different race, just the normal stuff like who does the washing up and who puts the washing away!!

flutherother's avatar

I wouldn’t want my kids to marry someone who would treat them badly. As far as race goes, I am not too bothered.

incendiary_dan's avatar

Race is a social construct. If they get along, power to them.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard‘s answer reminded me of a bit in the Terry Pratchett novel I just finished:

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because – what with dwarves and trolls and so on – speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m not concerned about ethnicity but have know many friends’ families who are. My own family gave me a list when I was a kid of men not to consider which I chalked up to silliness.

Jude's avatar

I could care less who my child marries, along long as this person treats him or her well.

koanhead's avatar

I don’t have any children, but if I did I would definitely encourage them to mate with those of other “races” (where a race is a phenotypical distinction akin to different “breeds” of domestic animal) for the sake of their own offspring.

As far as marriage is concerned, I would have to work really hard to care less.

everephebe's avatar

If that’s what they wanted, yeah.

Seelix's avatar

I wouldn’t care.

Plucky's avatar

I wouldn’t care who they marry or commit to. As long as the two were happy and treated one another appropriately.
That being said, I am white and my partner is east indian…we’ve been together almost 10 years now :)

Jeruba's avatar

I would prefer my children to marry within their species, but ultimately it’s their choice and I will support it no matter what.

Coloma's avatar

I’m ready to try an entire new species, if only I could turn my gander into a real man, we’d be make a great couple! :-D

Staalesen's avatar

As long as the other person was a good, caring person I would have no trouble with it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

They can marry anyone they want.

perspicacious's avatar

I want my children to marry the one that they love. Period.

Summum's avatar

I think most parents want their child to be happy.

Yoman's avatar

Character is more important than skin color. I hope all my children marry people with great character, regardless of their race.

Disc2021's avatar

I want my child to marry someone that they want to marry – period.

ETpro's avatar

My elder is already married. But my younger son is from a second marriage and is himself biracial. So I have no concern about what the racial background is of the person he chooses to marry. All I care about is that they make each other happy, treat each other with love and respect, and stay together.

Anemone's avatar

I don’t see why it would matter. We’re all human, and I think the more intermixing the better. Of course, that all depends on the individuals truly valuing and loving each other… I don’t think people from different background should pair up just for the sake of being different.

YARNLADY's avatar

My son did, if you insist on calling Chinese a race. His wife is third generation 100% Chinese American. Her family was not nearly as accepting of her marrying outside her race, until she had one, two, three boys.

Jenniehowell's avatar

I’d say that anyone attached to racial or gender lines with regard to love & marraige is being prejudice.

I’d say that the main concerns of anyone about who someone chooses to be with in a love relationship on any level should be A- that love exists between them B- that safety be secured (ie no abusive relationships or folks who have illegal dealings going on that could put my child at risk for harm) C- happiness (all parties involved in the love relationship should be happy with the circumstances of the relationship

Being against racial intermingling or gender intermingling is simply based in a toxic combination of fear & racism in my opinion & is more a sign of disturbing things on the part of the prejudiced person than on the part of someone happy, safe & in love.

Bellatrix's avatar

It wouldn’t bother me. As long as the person loved them and treated them with respect and care, race is immaterial. I just want my children to find people they are happy and content with.

Coloma's avatar

I’ve joked with my daughter for years about her being an only child, that I can breed her and get more. lol
Her boyfriend is the smartest guy, man, his genes infused into the family pool, well, talk about a master race. hahaha

Brains and intellect + brains, intellect AND extreme creativity…look out world! ;-)

OpryLeigh's avatar

I don’t have kids but I can’t imagine any reason, providing they were treated well by their spouse, that I would object to my child marrying outside his/her race.

bunnygrl's avatar

@coffeenut LOL I’m sure aliens have charm too :-)
@cockswain LOL you make me smile, I love your sense of humour :-)
GA everybody, @dreamer31 GQ honey, I don’t have children (except my fur/feather babies) but if I did, like my fellow jellies above, my first concern would be that they were happy, and had married someone who would care for them, put them first in all things, and do as my own dear hubby has done, (and I hope that I’ve done for him) wrap his whole world around them. If they did that I’d love them too. Race or colour would not be a factor.
hugs xx

lonelydragon's avatar

Since I have no children, this is a hypothetical answer, but I see no problem with interracial relationships. Love and respect, not skin color, is what holds relationships together.

markferg's avatar

I’m hoping for someone from another planet. @coffeenut I’m sure he’s got the sense not to date one of the limb-ripping, stomach-exploding types. I’d be hoping more for the Princess Leia kind. I even think we could cope with a Klingon, anymore than that and I imagine family gatherings could get awkward.

More Gagh, anyone?

everephebe's avatar

@markferg or prune juice.

theninth's avatar

I’m not sure I’d want a child of mine marrying outside the human race.

everephebe's avatar

Well, if they are 5k runners and they marry someone who runs 200 meters, I would be upset. Or vice versa… Ok honestly, I wouldn’t give a damn.

angermanagement's avatar

…..............intermixing with outside of the human race is kind of pushing it….........just a bit.

sugabelly's avatar

I think that there are two reasons for not wanting your child to marry outside their race.

One of them is logical, and the other one is illogical.

The illogical reason is when you just don’t want your child to marry somebody from another race BECAUSE they are from another race or don’t look like you. That’s just being racist.

The logical reason is when you don’t want your child to marry somebody from another race because you are concerned that the resulting children will not share your culture/language and possibly religion.

This is a logical reason but it does not mean that even if this valid concern exists you should prevent your child from marrying a person from another race.

All that is necessary is taking additional steps to resolve the culture language religion issue such as agreeing upon which languages the resulting children will learn, how they will integrate their two cultures from both sides, what religion (or modified version of both religions ) they will practise, how often they will visit either country or home, etc etc.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@angermanagement Surely, it depends on the species. If we encountered an alien species that was intelligent and capable of making informed decisions about interpersonal relationships, why shouldn’t we be allowed to marry them? Think about Captain Kirk and the various alien women he encounters.

One might worry about offspring, but I don’t see why. If we are capable of reproducing with them, it is likely that the offspring will be superior (see hybrid vigor). And if not, there’s no problem. Plenty of sterile couples are happy adopting or simply not having children.

@sugabelly How is it logical to value something as arbitrary as culture so highly? I can see why people might worry about it, but the worry should be how you will work to get along with someone who comes from a different background—not the fact that they come from a different background itself.

angermanagement's avatar

Well, a lot of parents who were not born here, value their culture and don’t want their children marrying someone from a different culture. Also, this may sound ridiculous to some, but many parents also don’t want intermixing because they don’t want to have to speak english to their future son or daughter in law. It can somewhat get weird at family gatherings if no one wants to speak english.

Just let everyone know, I’m not against interracial marriages, I’m just saying, what I heard from other people about the subject. Mostly, it’s due to the inability to communicate.

sugabelly's avatar

@SavoirFaire Actually it is extremely logical to value culture over race because culture includes LANGUAGE and traditions and usually religion which are pretty much more important than everything else especially language.

I am not American and so I value culture more highly than I value race. It appears that Americans do not value culture so heavily so maybe that is why they focus more on race. I think that the difference between Americans who refuse on basis of race and non-Americans who refuse on basis of race is that because race is usually tied to culture (but not always) -e.g. You can generally expect a person of the Japanese race to have Japanese culture and speak Japanese (but not always), non-Americans refuse on the basis of race because they are afraid that a person of another race will not have the same culture, whereas Americans refuse on the basis of race for the pure sake of race.

For example, I am Nigerian. Many Nigerian parents would be very unhappy if their child brought home a non-Nigerian for marriage. But those same parents would be equally unhappy if their child brought home a fellow Nigerian of a different race or ethnicity for marriage.

This is because Nigeria is made up of at least 200 completely different races or ethnicities who speak completely different languages, have completely different cultures, come from completely different historical empires and kingdoms and have completely different histories, behaviours, etc.

However, if the foreign (and by foreign I mean, different ethnicity Nigerian or non-Nigerian) spouse to be agrees to learn the language and the culture (and sometimes convert to the religion), everything is resolved and the parents are as happy as any whose children are about to get married.

And to be completely honest, I don’t blame them. I would be absolutely heartbroken if I had children and they couldn’t speak Igbo or they didn’t know what jimmanu was or they didn’t know anything about Anambra.

I think the solution is to commit to raising bi-cultural children (i.e. exposing the children to both parents cultures equally and making sure the children learn both parents’ languages and customs)

sugabelly's avatar

Oh, and Hybrid Vigor is a myth.

It’s only true if you deliberately BREED humans (i.e. deliberately select your spouse based on what advantageous genetic traits they have and not based on love)

SavoirFaire's avatar

@sugabelly I didn’t ask how it is logical to value culture over race. I asked how it is logical to value culture so highly that you would want your child to restrict their marriage prospects to those of the same culture as you. As you’ve already admitted, it’s not a good enough reason to stand in the way of the marriage. And you’ve also already given the solution: find a way of raising the child so that you can still be part of its life.

My point in response was that the proper worry is therefore not the mere fact that someone comes from a different culture, but rather how you will work to get along with that person. Thus it is not logical to value culture so highly. What is logical is to hope your child marries someone who shares your family values and wants to make everyone part of any future child’s life.

Thus most of your response misses the point. I am suggesting that the real issue is integration, not cultural differences. The details of your response seem to agree, yet you insist on saying that I am incorrect to suggest that the real issue is not the mere fact of cultural differences.

And as for hybrid vigor, it is an observed phenomenon. There is no need for eugenics in bringing it about, either. Perhaps you might try reading the link I posted previously.

Nullo's avatar

I think being Italian is pretty cool, and I’d like to see that get propagated. Of course, at the time of this writing I’m dating a Dane. But I suppose that I’d settle for the SO being a decent, Christian sort.

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