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FutureMemory's avatar

Tips for making sure my underwear is clean when I die?

Asked by FutureMemory (24491points) February 23rd, 2011

I’d hate for the coroner to see skidmarks…

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

24 Answers

chyna's avatar

They won’t be. Your body relaxes when you die. Your bodily functions let go.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Why don’t you just get a tattoo of some tightie whities?
Or tightie brownies?? XD

buster's avatar

Freeball til you die.

Kardamom's avatar

If you leave your clean underwear at home and never wear any, they’ll be certain to be clean when you die, because they’ll be sitting cleanly in your underwear drawer.

FutureMemory's avatar

These are all great suggestions. Keep ‘em coming.

Anemone's avatar

Don’t worry, no matter what your undies look like, the EMS responders and coroner have seen worse. You could try wearing only dark and/or “print” undies if you really care. And change them every day.

gm_pansa1's avatar

Don’t get scared and leave marks in them? LOL! Seriously, I have no idea because it’s not as though we can plan when we die to make sure there’s no skid marks in them beforehand,

SpatzieLover's avatar

You may want a “death” friend. This is the person you have throw out your porn/sex toys so your family won’t see them. You will most likely have to pay the friend extra to make certain your undies are clean.

FutureMemory's avatar

Not a bad idea, @SpatzieLover. Gives new meaning to the expression, “He’s got my back”.

dreamer31's avatar

@SpatzieLover That’s great, but that would have to be one incredibly awesome friend! those can be hard to come by

bkcunningham's avatar

Keep a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser in your underwear or a Tide To Go Instant Stain Remover shoved umm er well, Mr. Clean Magic Pants may be my next new invention thanks to this thread.

absalom's avatar


Edit: For some morbid reason I was thinking of suicide, in which case you’d be able to prepare beforehand. I don’t think you’d otherwise want to give yourself an enema every day in case you happen to die.

FutureMemory's avatar

@absalom It depends on how paranoid you are, I suppose.

absalom's avatar

@FutureMemory – One can never be too paranoid. (Or can one?)

bob_'s avatar

Wear black underwear.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@talljasperman or green (bile) so sorry

FutureMemory's avatar

@bob_ Why black? Nothing black has ever come out of my body.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@FutureMemory um, it will depending on how you die

bob_'s avatar

@talljasperman It would not look as dirty, but then you probably would be better off following @talljasperman‘s advice.

meiosis's avatar

Have an enema, put on crisp, clean panties and then kill yourself.

FutureMemory's avatar

I’d like to make it very clear that I intend to die a natural death. Hopefully with clean undies.

bob_'s avatar

Um, yeah, my last comment was directed at @FutureMemory, by the way.

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