How do I get over my shyness when I talk on the phone?

I was the same way.

The best way is to just do it. The more you call the easier it gets.

call me! :D

Adopt an alternative persona. Decide that the person answering the phone is not the ‘real’ you. It’s a bit like acting, except it is usually better that what you see on the TV. If you can’t make that work then possibly it isn’t about the phone, it is the people you asked to talk to on the phone. It so, the phone is not the issue, it is the people you have to talk to. That’s a bit more complex!

I have this kind of anxiety when talking over the phone too. It’s a more common problem that you might think at first.

I can talk perfectly to my mother and other really close relatives or friends (maybe two or three more than that), but generally I just don’t like talking on the phone and somentimes I’d avoid calling some services as delivery. Let’s not even talk about talking to someone I don’t know in person when I need to ask for something (ie, teachers, or ask for my time schedual in school)

But one thing you can do, and at least this helped me, is just to pretend you’re not talking on the phone but to pretend the person is right next to you.
I have no problems talking to people face-to-face. The phone is the problem. So I just pretend I’m in a face-to-face situation :)

I know exactly how you feel. I used to be the exact same way! I honestly don’t know how I got over it, though. It still feels a bit awkward and I really don’t enjoy talking on the phone like some do, but it’s definitely not anywhere near as nerve-wracking as it was for me before. My sister is 18 and she still has trouble talking on the phone. She won’t even talk to someone unless she can do so in her room with the door closed. I think what made it better for me was simply realizing the fact that you’re on the phone. Sure there may be some awkward silences, but if you need to you can always say, “Oh, hey, nice talking to you, but I gotta go!” and be done with it. You can’t do that in person! Also, just remember all you really need are some questions to keep the conversation going.

But, I sear to you, in time it will get better. Just start answering the phone at your house instead of waiting for someone else to do it. That’s what I made myself do. Also, the more you call people on your own instead of talking to them when they call you, will make things better over time.

I’ll just let you in on this ironic little fact. I hated talking to my relatives on the phone, grandparents, uncles, aunts. You name it, I hated talking to them because I was too shy. Want to know where I work now? At a call center. No joke. My job is seriously to call people and talk to them and ask them for donations. If you had told me that a few years ago I never would have believed you. Funny how things work out. It’ll get better. The important thing is just to remember not to get worked up over these things.

You can practice talking on the phone with some of your friends and having them ask you a lot of weird, random or embarrassing questions so that you can get used to giving appropriate answers.

When I was young, I hated answering the phone for fear that some grownup would ask me a question about something that I didn’t understand or didn’t know the answer to (like if the person from the tax prep place called or if the doctor called to confirm someone’s appt, stuff like that)

Your best bet is to have a pad and pencil by the phone (even if you are making the call rather than receiving the call from an unknown person). Sometimes you simply have to ask people to repeat themselves because they said something too quickly, you couldn’t understand them, or you need time to write down a name or a number or other information).

You also have to learn how to say No Thank You for all sorts of potential situations. Like if someone asks you to take a survey or if someone asks you to listen to a speech about a product or if someone’s Dad asks you to do something that you aren’t interested in.

That’s why practicing with your friends is a good idea. You can develop some “standard answers” that you give to people that are polite, but are direct and to the point. You also have to learn how to say “No Thank you and I’m going to hang up now.” when you get a crank caller, an obscene caller or a telemarketer who doesn’t want to take no for an answer.

And you need to learn to take good notes and ask people to repeat themselves (sometimes multiple times) if youu didn’t hear or understand what they said. People often say their phone number really quickly, not realizing that you actually have to write it down. Learn to say, “Can you say that a little slower so that I can write that name or phone number down?”

Another thing that you need to have in your repertoire of “standard answers” is “May I take your name and number so that I can have my parents call you back?” Sometimes adults will try to get certain info from you that you just don’t have, or are not in a position to give out. You will need to practice with your friends asking you all sorts of questions and you need to practice with them asking lots of questions real fast, so that you can practice your “standard answers” over and over again until you feel comfortable with them.

Here are some questions that often get asked over the phone and some “standard answers” for you to learn and keep in your mind.

Q: I’m John from H and R Block Tax Preparers, can you tell me the account number on your tax form?
A: I’m sorry, you must want my parents. Can you please give me your phone number so that I can have them call you back? And what did you say was your name and the name of your company? Can you please repeat that a little bit slower so that I can write it down? Hang on a moment while I get a piece of paper.

Q: Hi my name is Anne Johnson from Anderson and Cooper Consumer’s Information Systems. I’d like to ask you about your recent experience with the consumer’s action coordination committee. I’ll ask you some questions about…
A: I’m sorry, you must have spoken to my parents. Would it be ok if they called you back later? Otherwise, if you call back tomorrow afternoon, they should be here. Thank you.

Q: Is this Molly Epstein?
A: I’m sorry, I think you must have dialed the wrong number.
Q: Is this 555–8965?
A: Yes it is, but you must have the wrong number because no one by that name lives here.

Q: Hello I’m taking a survey about radio stations in your area. Can you tell me what your favorite radio station is?
A: I’m sorry no, you should probably speak to my parents, can you hold on while I get one of them.
Q: No that’s ok, I’d rather have you just answer the questions. What are you wearing right now?
A: HANG UP IMMEDIATELY AND TELL YOUR PARENTS THAT YOU GOT AN OBSCENE PHONE CALL! They might want to consider checking the caller ID and blocking that number or contacting the police.

Q: Hello this is Mr. Thomson from Jenny’s school, I was wondering if you might be available to come in for a consultation?
A: Hi Mr. Thomsom, this is Jenny. May I have my mother call you back? What number should she call you at? What’s the best time for her to call you? I’m sorry, can you repeat that a little slower, I’m writing it down. Thank you Mr. Thomson.

Q: Hi Jenny this is Mr. Abbott, Kate’s father. Remember that idea that I had for you to be in my play, I think that would be great and you should come over and we can discuss it…
A: I’m sorry Mr. Abbott, I just don’t think that I want to do the play…
Q: Why not, you’d be perfect for it and I’ve already told everybody…
A: I’m sorry, I just don’t think I would be the best person for the play, I’m very shy and don’t like speaking in public, I hope that you can get someone else that would be a better match.
Q: But Jenny, I think you would be perfect if you just gave it a try.
A; I’m sorry Mr. Abbott, but I’ve already discussed it with my parents and I’m just not going to be able to do it, but thank you for thinking about me. Did you want to talk to my folks before I hang up?

So get one or more of your friends, tell them your situation and ask them if they would practice with you. You will have to practice a lot so that you’ll become completely comfortable answering questions, writing things down, asking questions to get people to clarify what they just said, and hanging up immediately if you realize that it is an obscene caller. And NEVER NEVER NEVER give out any personal information about yourself including your name, phone number, address, e-mail, or your appearance or that of your parents either unless it is omeone that you absolutely know. Good luck, and have fun with this exercise : )

Talk on the phone. Start with your friends.
Learn some common greetings and closings for telephonic communication, to improve flow.
Keep business calls about business, keep business on a bullet-point list by the phone.

@Nullo that’s a great start! @askmypoop Do talk on the phone with your friends!

Also, notice what you are like when you are talking to one of your friends. Not necessarily on the phone, but in real face-to-face contact. Try to replicate that confidence and little things that you do during phone conversations.

Also, my experience from working at the IRS as a call representative, one way to feel less stressed about it is to make the other person on the line feel comfortable as well. The easiest way to do this is when you start the conversation, sound genuine, happy, and eager to speak with the other person. FAKE IT if you need to, but it makes people feel more comfortable with speaking with you.

A couple of links:
www.toastmasters.org – join a local toastmasters group to support your fear by practicing public speaking
http://networking-2020.com/s/ a good place online that you can sign up for to get more information on how to deal with other people

Hope this helps!