General Question

The_Inquisitor's avatar

Were there any drastic changes in the transition from being in a relationship to being a married couple?

Asked by The_Inquisitor (3158points) February 28th, 2011

Well, sometimes I think about it, and I wonder… how different do people’s relationship become after they’re married? I know everyone’s different, so let me hear your story.

How do you keep the spark there?

Just around valentine’s day, I was making small talk with another co-worker of mine. I asked her if her husband or her did anything special. I believe they’ve been married just shortly. Perhaps a year or two now as a married couple. And her reply was that she used to go out for valentine’s day, but now that they were married, they didn’t really do anything… She presented me with a metaphor about how once you hook the fish in with bait, and you catch them, you’re not that interested in that fish now that you have it, and you throw it back in.

Her story made me somewhat sad. I know that’s just her story..

So? Do you have any better ones? Or worse? How much has your relationship changed from the time that you were just being a couple to being a committed and married couple?

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14 Answers

JmacOroni's avatar

Nothing changed, except that we started wearing rings and we had some official paperwork. Everyone kept asking me if I “felt any different” shortly after my wedding, and I would think really hard… and answer “no.”

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@JmacOroni, That’s great to hear! :)

Ladymia69's avatar

Not at all. You have to take it in stride, and always with a sense of humor! I will talk more about it later…bedtime now…

sliceswiththings's avatar

I can imagine there’s a difference for those who don’t have sex before marriage. They will either eat each other up for the first time, or say “Oh…that’s it?”

ZAGWRITER's avatar

Well, yea, she stopped being romantic at all and less inclined to be intimate. Well, about a month or so into it I mean. I try my ass off, but it gets me nowhere, and the entire time I am sincere. There isn’t a spark, it’s more like a picture of one.

Bellatrix's avatar

No. No dramatic change. We had lived together for five years so we had done all the transitioning really.

We have both been in failed long term relationships and as a result we know you can’t take it for granted. So we work to remember that and show we aren’t just hushand and wife, we are lovers. We go out regularly on dates. We have regular weekends away on our own. At least three times a year. And I think very importantly, we take time out to review how we are feeling every now and then. Sort of an opportunity to say what’s on our mind. So far it’s working and it’s been 10 years. I never take it for granted though. I think when you start doing that you are doomed. My relationship with my husband is hugely important to me and I want to spend many, many more years with him. I tell him that too.

Scooby's avatar

As soon as we were married my ex-wife signed up for every store card going, not to mention credit cards….. Hence she became the ex-wife….. She was quite secure in the fact that only half the dept belonged to her :-/
What a mess…………..

12Oaks's avatar

Not really. Not besides we now live together and share a bed. Besides that, in the day to day, it’s all the same—except we go out less on “dates” because we don’t have to now.

partyparty's avatar

Yes, we see more of eah other. We share more, we miss eaxh other more when we are away from each other.
If anything we have become closer

Summum's avatar

No changes for a number of years and then I went to an education course and things are really picking up and our relationship is growing leaps and bounds. I get to define my wife for who she is for me and she doesn’t have to do anything for me to define her as an amazing, beautiful, exceptional and the person I choose to be my love in life. It has been so wonderful to have this new knowledge and she shared the course with me. It has been awesome. Without friends knowing we had went to the education we are hearing them say what happened to you guys? You seem so happy and free.

john65pennington's avatar

Hook the fish and throw it back in???

This is a typical answer from the young people today, that do not stay married. There is no commitment, no lasting love, no respect for each other. Marriage is not a plastic milk carton that can be thrown away, just because the bottle is empty.

Marriage is a time when true love grows each day. You married this person to stay married to this person. Marriage is not a game.

I am convinced that some people marry people and realize what a mistake they have made. If you are not compatible, this should have been discovered during the dating game.

I can say this with shear wisdom and knowledge of being married to a wonderful lady for 45 years. I have a song that I love and so does my wife. You should give a listen: I Love You More Today Than Yesterday…...Spiral Staircase on Youtube.

This song tells it all.

Best advice I can give is “not to jump into the fire, until you are sure you have a fire extinguisher”. Make sure you know the person you are about to marry….inside and out. Make a commitment to make your marriage work, no matter what.

Once a month, we travel to a city that is about 100 miles from our home. We spend the night and enjoy each others company and whatever….......This keeps the new in marriage.

bolwerk's avatar

Well, you’re not allowed to have sex before marriage. God banned that. Remember?

The_Inquisitor's avatar

Very interesting! This thread sure has given me more insights and knowledge, not to mention some tips as well. Thank you all!!! =)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Not that kind. I was once married for several years and my husband and I enjoyed all the things during marriage we had in courtship but maybe that’s because we did things initially because we wanted to not in order to just make an impression.

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