Social Question

ImNotHere's avatar

Am I being paranoid or did something happen?

Asked by ImNotHere (444points) March 6th, 2011

So I’ve been casually seeing this guy and as far as I think it’s been going swimmingly. The big “3rd date” was last night and it was great. Conversation was good, physical chemistry was there, a lot of necking. We did not have sex though because I want to get to know each other better first.

So last night we have a great time and he tells me he likes me and is all over me. (We’re both sober, btw) Asks me when we can hang out again etc. He respectfully offers me to let me stay the night since it had gotten rather late and I would have to take the subway alone all the way downtown. I reluctantly agree and true to his word he is a gentleman the entire night and it was really nice actually. We kissed some more, he goes on about how much he likes me and wants to see me again.

The next morning we wake up and things are kind of rushed. He’s running late to something and I have to get back to campus to do homework. Anyway, he asks again if he can see me soon but I don’t read it as being as enthusiastic this time. (maybe he’s not a morning person?) We walk to the subway together and it’s crowded and chaotic due to a mad influx of people. Despite this chaos and him running a little late, I was a little disappointed when he said “bye” without even giving me a peck on the cheek! What gives?

This guy was going on about how into me he is. Could something have happened in his sleep or that uneventful 15 minute walk to the subway to completely change his mind? We have tentative plans to hang out this week but for some reason I’m nervous. He’s told me before that he was a “late bloomer” and inexperienced with women and due to this sometimes makes faux pas. But I’m just a little surprised he didn’t at least give me a friendly peck after his passionate behavior and indication of interest. Maybe I’m just being paranoid?

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32 Answers

sliceswiththings's avatar

Nah, I wouldn’t worry. Lots of people tend to be less affectionate in the morning, or early on in the instance of hanging out (in this case if it “reset” in the morning). Even when I hang out with new friends we don’t chat freely at first, it takes some time to get back that level of friendliness. I think the same is true in this case. Sounds like you’re doing everything right.
Unless you’re a sleep farter.

Good luck!

Aethelwine's avatar

@sliceswiththings sleep farts are deadly!

Listen to @sliceswiththings. No need to get paranoid now. I’d be paranoid if you were 10 years into the relationship, not 3 dates. =)

ImNotHere's avatar


Thanks for the prompt response! Oh damn, I hope I’m not a sleep farter! I’m not going to lie, the thought did cross my mind. xD

TexasDude's avatar

He may not be into PDA, perhaps?

ImNotHere's avatar


I wondered that as well, but he did kiss me goodnight in public on our 2nd date.

sliceswiththings's avatar

@BringsTheNight Haha I stayed over at my old BF’s last summer after we had Mexican food. Bad idea. I joked to him that I hoped I wouldn’t sleep fart. I guess he couldn’t sleep so he just lay awake next to me for a while, and sure enough I was tootin’ up a storm. Good thing we were already close so we could laugh about it! He even said it was “cute.”

Since then, I choose date meals wisely.

Pandora's avatar

If you so much as said a half lazy good morning to my husbands cousin, he would tell you he can’t handle so much pep in the morning. LOL
I mean, I thought I wasn’t a morning person but he showed me what a real non morning person was like. He couldn’t handle voices in the morning and he wasn’t even hung over.
He probably just isn’t a morning person.Sometimes my husband has to give me verbal instuctions in the morning or I’ll put toast in the fridge or make coffee without the coffee. I have to actually eat something or my brain stays in a fog. It can go from 5 minutes to 30 before I can come out of the fog. Depending how tired I am.
Maybe he didn’t get much sleep knowing you were so close. I’m sure its not always easy being a gentleman when the object of your affection is so close by.

sliceswiththings's avatar

@Pandora Hmm how do you know so much about your husband’s cousin’s morning behavior? Pretty suspicious… :)

perspicacious's avatar

Oh my goodness. Three dates and all this. Yes, you are paranoid and/or lack self confidence. You’ll wear someone out with all of that analyzing, including yourself. Relax and don’t think every little thing he says or does or does not say or does not do put you into panic mode. Dating is supposed to be fun.

ImNotHere's avatar

@perspicacious I can understand how you would infer that BUT I can assure you I’ve been on my best behavior and have been very laid-back around him. The reason I vent on this site is so I can get it off my chest without bringing it up to him. It’s nice to “tap the collective” and get some perspective on things sometimes, that’s all.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

I’m really not a morning person. If you don’t know me, I’ll make an effort to be nice and just quiet, but really, there are only two things on my mind in the morning – a) I want to go back to bed and if that can’t happen b) everyone needs to die. So since I hate everyone in the morning, I think there’s a really good chance he’s just not a morning person and had his mind on other things. I’d definitely wait before panicking.

Pandora's avatar

@sliceswiththings We stayed with him for 3 weeks when we moved till we found our own place

BarnacleBill's avatar

I would think his brain was already headed to work in the morning. If he hasn’t had that much experience with women, morning kisses are probably not on his radar.

ette_'s avatar

@BringsTheNight LOL, I used to feel this exact same way about my BF when we first got together, and sometimes now I still get irritated when he doesn’t kiss me goodbye. But he has to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to go to work. He usually kisses me goodbye while I’m still in bed, but the other day he woke up late and was in a huge rush and I made a big to-do about him giving me a kiss (well not that big, but I was just being a little brat and made him give me a kiss), and even then he was like “ahhhh I’m going to be late!” and in my head, I’m like, “giving me a kiss is less than 1 second how much later are you really going to be”?

I think we who have tendencies to overanalyze like to overanalyze every single little thing, but from reading the responses on here, and especially hearing from the men/guys, I can definitely understand their heads being already out the door and somewhere else other than “let me kiss my lover goodbye”.


BBSDTfamily's avatar

Maybe he’d forgotten to brush his teeth since he was in a rush and didn’t want to kiss you with morning breath :)

iamthemob's avatar

I wouldn’t worry – you don’t know how to read him yet, so wait until you know his quirks.

I’m one of those people that hates the peck before you leave the subway. I do it because my boyfriend is the affectionate type, but in my head I’m like “gurl, I need to get on the platform!”

janbb's avatar

Take it as he’s just not a morning person and leave it go at that. I know where you’re coming from though, I tend to overanalyze things too.

WasCy's avatar

It wouldn’t hurt a bit, I think, to be a little more assertive. As you’re about to part company you give him a look of mock exasperation / concern, “Hey, where’s my good-bye kiss?” or words to that effect.

He may think that you’re the one who doesn’t want the public display (at least in the daytime).

marinelife's avatar

I think that romance got lost in morning world. His mind was already on ahead on the day.

Don’t worry about this at all.

john65pennington's avatar

Take your time. Be thankful he did not want you to hit the sack with him.

Some people hate mornings. My wife is one of them. She is a dog in the morning. After all these years, I have learned to avoid her, until she has a two cups of coffee and an hour into the real world. After this, she is a great person.

I would not worry. He has made his statements to you about another date, so let him do the driving.

I see no worries for you.

stardust's avatar

I don’t think you’ve anything to worry about just yet.

blueiiznh's avatar

I would not worry about it. that would be micro worrying about everything.
Especially at the 3 date phase. This is hardly anytime for understanding habits.
If you were deeper into the relationship and he didn’t do something that became norm you could say “Hey, where’s by goodbye kiss?”
i wouldn’t sweat it. Enjoy the new relationship!

jca's avatar

he kissed you goodnight after second date but that was probably in the dark.

this time was broad daylight, and that inhibits some people. relax.

cak's avatar

I’d stick with one of two theories:

Either he may not be a morning person; or, he not a daylight PDA type of person.

It’s only the 3rd date! Enjoy…like @blueiiznh said…enjoy the new relationship! :)

Kardamom's avatar

Some men are definitely afraid to kiss you in public (before you are absolutely an item and dating exclusively). He also may have had buffalo-scented morning breath and didn’t want to offend. He may also not be a morning person.

See how it goes when you hang out this week. If he somehow blows off the tentative plan to get together this week, I would worry a little bit. Not to throw a stone into this pond, but the fact that you spent the night with him (even though you didn’t have sex) could give a man (who is messed up) the idea that you are loose and he might not like that. Note: WE don’t think that at all, but some (weird dudes with a sick double standard) might think that. You will probably be able to pick up on that pretty quickly if that is the case.

See how it goes when you hang out with him this week. If he seems just as affectionate as he was before, there’s probably nothing to worry about. If he seems a little cold or distant, then that is the time to ask him about it, ask: “Larry, we were really hitting it off last week, but you seem a little bit distant now. Was the fact that I spent the night with you changing your mind about us dating?”

If he seems just as affectionate as he was the last time and you do spend the night again, definitely either give him a kiss goodbye in the morning (lean in yourself to initiate it) or ask “Howzabout a little goodbye kiss?” and see how he reacts.

perspicacious's avatar

@BringsTheNight My point is that (it seems to me) you shouldn’t need others perspectives on something so trivial. That’s my perspective.

sliceswiththings's avatar

@iamthemob You call your boyfriend “Gurl?”

ImNotHere's avatar


After looking over some of your past answers to other people’s questions I realize that being snarky is more important to you than being helpful, which kind of devalues your opinion. (in my opinion)

perspicacious's avatar

@BringsTheNight I’m practical and concise. I needn’t write paragraphs to give an opinion or perspective.

ImNotHere's avatar

He called me tonight for a 4th date on Friday. I guess he just had buffalo morning breath. :p

BarnacleBill's avatar

The Roger and Elaine Story

Moral of the story men are much less complicated than women give them credit for being.

Kardamom's avatar

@BringsTheNight Great news! Have a good time, take it slow and enjoy yourself.

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