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seazen's avatar

A chance to discuss your self-perception with complete strangers?

Asked by seazen (6113points) March 8th, 2011

So many replied to my thread about (im) perfection hinting they were dissatisfied with themselves, their lives. Some to the point of self-hatred.

Here’s a chance to discuss it with complete strangers. I often think of fluther as a sort of dance – with masks.

If I can’t see you – why so serious? Why so fearful? Why the self-loathing?

Dance with me, talk to me – for I know you not and judge you not.

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30 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I don’t worry too much about that so…..let’s dance ! :)

Jude's avatar

I start stuff, and often don’t follow through. Story of my life.

I’m working on it.

seazen's avatar

Is that the beginning of a discussion Jude?

JmacOroni's avatar

I don’t have an answer. It has just always been a serious battle for me to like myself. Never claimed that it was rational, but that doesn’t make it any less real for me.
For me, it becomes a cycle very quickly. I dislike something about myself, I try to improve, and then I find something else that I dislike just as much. I burn out trying to constantly change the things that I dislike, and then I give up. Then I hate myself for giving up. Rinse and repeat.

seazen's avatar

Change shampoo.

Jude's avatar

It’s “fear of failure”, for me.

Cruiser's avatar

I am fine with my self perception of me…so much so, I think I need to dance with myself! ;)

deni's avatar

I really like myself around my friends, but around strangers or coworkers that I’m not comfortable with, I am so awkward. I’ll say something and then wanna punch myself in the stomach because of how stupid it was! But if it had been a friend I would have had a witty funny response. Something is off in my brain!

@Cruiser I love that song. I signed up to sing it at karaoke this weekend but didn’t get to!!! :(

Cruiser's avatar

@deni Well then here is your chance to show the Jellies what you can do….<hands her the microphone>

seazen's avatar

Clears throat.

Facade's avatar

This is going to be jumbled and rambling, so bear with me… I have so many bad habits and things, and I’m self-destructive. I recently said “I hate being me” and meant it. I truly wish I was someone else. Someone less complicated. Someone with an easier life.
I go back and forth between feeling like I can conquer the world and feeling like I’m nothing. It’s exhausting. I’m way too emotional and neurotic. This is also exhausting. I’m a washed up gymnast who’s currently just a big bag-o-flab, and that sucks. I hate not looking good.
All that said, I’m not a murderer or a rapist, so I guess I’m not a horrible person~

seazen's avatar

I go back and forth between feeling like I can conquer the world and feeling like I’m nothing. It’s exhausting.

Sounds bi-polar to me. Ever get it checked out?

Daloon you around buddy?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I like who I am, which is ever-changing, never in a rut, can’t be pegged as a “type”, just-me. How I look, on the other hand, is a different story. I had the “perfect” body before I had kids. Slender hips, tiny waist, perky breasts, slender neck and looooooong curly hair. I’m regrowing my hair, but I’ve got birthin’ hips, flabby gut, droppy boobs and “mom neck”. I don’t feel very happy with the way I look and it makes me sad and sometimes afraid to go out in public.

wundayatta's avatar

I am learning to accept who I am. I am learning to give up on measuring myself by my parent’s or anyone else’s (including my) standards. I stay away from situations where I am compared to others or vice versa. If people tell me that they like my work, I accept that, so long as they point to a specific work. I can’t accept a generic “you’re a good this” or “you’re a good that.” No one has standing to know.

Jude's avatar

Right now, I am in a bit of a fog. I start with a psychotherapist mid March. You have no idea who much I am looking forward to that. I want to feel better.

dreamer31's avatar

I am a people watcher and in turn….......I always feel like somebody’s watching me.

So around different people I seem withdrawn but when around the people I love and feel they truelly understand me I am a blast! I try to be kind, straightforward, loving, compassionate and understanding in all things that I do.

People usually annoy me, simply because of the attitude they carry, but I accept them and try to see the good side of people and life. I struggle to deal with seemingly never-ending hard circumstances that I encounter almost daily, with a positive outlook.

Everything happens for a reason….....some good can come out of the worst of circumstances…seems to be my motto for life

downtide's avatar

Much of my self-identity is tied in with my perception of my gender, and the incongruity of being perceived by others as something different. But since I got into a position where a solution became possible, I’ve become much more optimistic. But basically most of my issues are caused by the way I look. Some things that can be changed, and some that can’t.

Facade's avatar

@seazen Kind of. I referenced my textbooks, and came to the same conclusion you did. Also, conquering the world was an exaggeration. I should have just said “sometimes, I feel pretty good, and sometimes I feel absolutely horrible.”

KatawaGrey's avatar

I am always surprised when someone likes me before they’ve really gotten to know me. There are a number of girls in one of my classes who I get along with really well. We joke with each other a lot and look forward to seeing each other in class. Every time one of them waves to me excitedly across campus or laughs raucously at one of my jokes, I’m sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Turns out, they honestly like me. I always have this problem if someone takes an immediate liking to me. I’m not modest, I can admit that I’m not surprised when someone likes me after they get to know me I am pretty awesome but when someone likes me before they’ve gotten to know me, I wonder what their angle is. There is almost never an angle.

@downtide: I actually came across your picture in the fluther photobucket. When I came across it, your username wasn’t immediately apparent and I thought, “Huh, who’s that guy? I’ve never seen his picture before.” You look to me to be a male admittedly, I think you look like a very young male but that is probably because you are still physically female.

MilkyWay's avatar

I always have this feeling that the world is soo big, and myself so small. I feel as if ,if I try to go out there on my own… I’ll get hurt.
This sucks for me as I’m a person who does want to do everything by himself and not depend on anybody…. : /

Soubresaut's avatar

I relate to what others have said. Sometimes I feel like I can do all that I want to, sometimes I feel like there’s no point in trying because it’s all too far away. The switching is tiring.

I had this dream a few days ago, where there was a girl in a road while I was waiting to go onto a main street. She needed a ride so I offered her a seat in my car (it really was my car, the one I drive in real life) as I was on my way to somewhere. Except, it wasn’t really her asking or me inviting, more her saying she needed a ride and me acquiescing.
I’m not going to describe her any further than being everything I don’t like in people bundled up into one person (minus the being a girl, nothing against that) because that’s what she was; my subconscious nailed it.

I had to go the opposite direction that she wanted to go, and it turned out she didn’t need to go very far at all, but it was hard to get there in a car with the traffic, which was irritating.

And then the wiper on her side of my car popped off, and I asked her if she could reach it, so she took out the glass of the window (didn’t think to just crank it down) and tossed it on the sidewalk, but couldn’t reach the wiper by stretching, so she had to get out of the car, meanwhile breaking the door handle on that side…
She was breaking my car, and I was pissed, but I didn’t do anything, I drove her to her home, went back on my way. I got to my destination, and there she was again, and there I was feeling sorry for her again, so I did what she wanted, gave her what she wanted.
Despite the fact that everyone around me was telling me to ditch her.

I woke up and I hated this girl.
And then I realized that she was a part of me I hated, but had obeyed, and now I’m going the opposite direction of what I wanted, and though I’m looking back, I keep on running.

downtide's avatar

@KatawaGrey I think I look younger than my real age but not quite “very young”. I still have wrinkles and grey hair :) Most people guess my age as in my early 30s (I’m actually 44). But it’s a very typical curse for us transguys. The ones I feel for are the guys who are around 20, and look 12…

KatawaGrey's avatar

@downtide: I figured there was no way you were as young as you look. I know you have at least one grown child so when I saw that picture, I did scratch my head a little.

Ladymia69's avatar

Doesn’t it make sense to loathe the person you’re forced to be around 24 hours a day, at every waking moment? the person who is there at the time of your birth and the moment of your death? the person hanging over you when you lose your virginity and when you go through your most agonizing moments, just talking, constantly talking…watching…listening…

….ehhh, may as well be friends.

Bellatrix's avatar

I am too fat. I eat a very healthy diet and don’t eat junk food. I make sure I walk rather than drive when I can (although I don’t get as much exercise as I would like). Still, I am not slim. Other than that though, I really am happy with who I am.

laineybug's avatar

I’m very happy about who I am, which is unusual for a girl my age. I’m extremely proud of who I am and who I’m going to be. Most of that is probably because of my friends though, we’re all really close. Even though we make fun of each other a lot, we’re just joking. And when we’re not making fun of each other, we’re genuinely nice to each other.

laineybug's avatar

And @Mz_Lizzy, even if you’re not slim, that doesn’t make you fat. And even if you are fat, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

laineybug's avatar

You’re welcome @Mz_Lizzy

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