Social Question

prolificus's avatar

If your S/O developed a health condition that eliminated the possibility of any form of sexual intimacy, what would you do?

Asked by prolificus (6552points) March 10th, 2011 from iPhone

Say your S/O was in a car accident and became disabled. Or, say your S/O developed a chronic illness. Regardless of the condition, if sexual intimacy was no longer possible because of health reasons, what options would you consider? Would you remain monogamous to your S/O even if it meant long-term celibacy? If so, generally speaking, how would you take care of your sexual needs?

Regardless of your hypothetical decision, why would you choose it?

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29 Answers

spykenij's avatar

I have this problem now. I have a chronic pain condition, I was VERY sick for 3 years before I finally got a diagnosis, after they took out my gallbladder, left ovary, uterus and cervix (gag – why they gotta name it something nasty soundin?). I still have the pain and it was diagnosed as Central Sensitization. Now, I’m ready to go whenever and my partner isn’t. We just don’t have the same sexual appetite. She stood by me through all of it. I told her that if she got his by a Mack truck today, I’d be loving her just as much, I’d be taking care of her, wipin’ her ass and drool off tomorrow. That’s unconditional.

KatawaGrey's avatar

As horrible as this sounds, it would depend a lot on whether the injury/illness was terminal or not. I would not be able to leave my boyfriend if he was going to die in a couple years. The decision would be much more difficult if he would be able to live his life just without the use of his sexual organs.

I think if he just lost the use of his sexual organs but was otherwise fine and by that I mean didn’t require constant care and supervision except for maybe that required for a person in a wheelchair then it would be much easier to stay with him. Part of the issue would be that I am so small and he is so large so if he was unable to move for some reason, we would need another person to help.

I think that I would want to very much stay with him and that I would try very hard to stay with him but it would take a lot of hard work and patience on both our parts.

seazen_'s avatar

Wait patiently. Love her. Pray. Oh, and eat lotsa chocolate.

Kardamom's avatar

I have gone many years in between mates and have survived. I have a lot of passion, but I have more compassion. I would be able to “take care of myself” and stay true and monogamous to my SO. Sex is terrific, but true love and real intimacy are much more important. For me, this would be a no brainer.

Bellatrix's avatar

I think it does depend on the long term outcomes. Will this be a permanent thing or not. If it was even a few years but there would be an end, I would hope I would remain celebate. If it was a lifelong thing… I don’t know. I would have to talk to my partner. If the situation was reversed, I would not want my husband to be condemned to a life of celebacy and would rather he found ways to meet his sexual needs although I would hope we would stay together. It would be a situation where lots of good communication would be essential I think.

spykenij's avatar

You can be intimate and sexual without regular missionary sex on a bed or however else you do it. You don’t always have to penetrate to have the “Big O.” Hell, I don’t even need to undo my pants if I don’t want to to get there. I think it would be shallow to leave. Yeah, you only live once (supposedly), but if we do reincarnate, I am gonna do my best to never have to come back here again!

seazen_'s avatar

@spykenij Pics or it never happened.

spykenij's avatar

@seazen_ – What about mutual masterbation? Sometimes I prefer to “scratch the record” over my pants. No wonkey hand, kinda feels better to me sometimes, like less friction and more rubbin’. I didn’t miss 29 days in 9th grade for nothin’ ;) I don’t identify as female, so I don’t like touching my own junk in that way because it bums me out, which is why I bate my master over my clothes.

seazen_'s avatar

Again… pics, please.

SavoirFaire's avatar

If there is no longer sexual intimacy, you’re not even being monogamous. You’re being “non-ogamous.” Also, you can stay with a partner and care for his or her non-sexual needs while taking care of your sexual needs elsewhere. My wife would probably demand that I find sex elsewhere, and I would probably demand the same of her, were we to find ourselves in this sort of situation. Our marriage can survive something as trivial as non-deceptive extramarital sex, but the sort of selfishness inherent in requiring one stay “faithful” to a partner who cannot make that faithfulness meaningful would probably be a strain.

ucme's avatar

My right arm would grow to Arnie Swarchisface type proportions, probably.

Bellatrix's avatar

I just asked my husband if he would go without if my vagina was out of bounds due to long term or permanent health issues… immediate response… no, he would need to go outside the home and get some! Fairs enough I thnk.

perspicacious's avatar

I am with him, love him, and take care of him until one of us dies. Period. No sacrifice. This kind of love and commitment is a blessing.

tedibear's avatar

If it’s only sexual intimacy, I’d buy a vibrator to use when I felt the need. If he can still hold me and touch me (which he doesn’t do a lot of now anyway) then I could be okay with it.

Seelix's avatar

I love him and have decided to spend my life with him, so that’s what I’d do. I’d get some new toys to keep me busy when I got randy.

Sex isn’t that important to me. I’d happily go without it if need be.

seazen_'s avatar

We could always – you know – ahem, fluther, @Seelix

Taciturnu's avatar

Sex is very important to me.

Like @SavoirFaire stated, you can still stay with someone that was unable to take care of your sexual needs and have yours fulfilled somewhere else. I know that’s the route I would take. If I couldn’t make whoopie with my husband, I would never want to deny him the opportunity to seek it elsewhere. And, if I’m not sleeping with him, I wouldn’t be bothered by who he was sleeping with.

I would like to add that just because someone is incapable of intercourse, it doesn’t mean they are incapable of fulfilling you in other capacities.

Seelix's avatar

What have I gotten myself into? lol!

seazen_'s avatar

Oh, baby, talk lurve to me. Engage.

seazen_'s avatar

There was a PM complaint about my behaviour here. Actually, in all fairness, I who have asked 1000 questions (really) do sometimes like a real thread and not something deteriorating into chat. That’s what GENERAL is for… or the beginning of a SOCIAL thread – btut not the end of it. Should one require a clean thread for some reason, one can always flag… I asked a question once: how many posts must a man post before he loses the thread…

The OP, not a friend of mine, should not PM such things… but feel free to discuss in the open… Hey – I’ll flag all my comments here – enjoy a zen free zone.

prolificus's avatar

@seazen_ – meant to PM publicly. Wasn’t complaining. I was teasing you. Hence the =P

Edit- I was teasing you for making this thread your personal playground. We’re not friends, but I’m familiar with your M.O. ;-)

Lola612's avatar

My future husband is 16 years older than me and he has some health problems, not major, asthma and back problems and we’ve talked about this, actually a few days ago and he asked me this same question. I told him if it came down to him not being able to perform sexually anymore I’d just get him a strap on. But, on that note, sex isn’t the whole thing in a real relationship. I love him very much and regardless of what the future holds he will be my husband and that means for better or for worse and if the worse is I have to put a dildo on him, then so be it.

Seelix's avatar

If anyone (aside from the OP) has the right to complain here it’d be me – if I were offended by @seazen_ . Which I’m not, so booya.

prolificus's avatar

Yo! Breathe! I was fricken teasing! Not complaining! I didn’t even flag! Sheesh!! <rolls eyes>

tranquilsea's avatar

If my hubby became incapacitated in some way I would stay by his side. I would work on finding ways to remain as sexually close as possible, within his comfort zones. If I had sexual urges beyond that I would take care of them myself.

We have been though so much together that something like this would just be something we both handled like we always do.

As many of you know I have a sister who had a traumatic brain injury. It really messed her up just as she was entering adulthood. One of the consequences of the brain injury is that she has little to no hope of finding a life partner. As a family, at different points, we’ve considered trying to find a guy to have sex with her (with her consent of course) just so she can experience it. She did eventually find a guy on her own who became her boyfriend and they did sleep together. But he turned out to be a creep who tried to talk her into funding a restaurant for him. After he realized it was never going to happen he vamoosed. Had he not come into the picture, though, we would have tried.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I never know how to answer these questions because I’m not in that situation and can not pretend I know how it would all go down. Gut reaction, we’d be fine. It might make our open marriage suffer, though, because I’d feel bad about having sex with someone else if he and I aren’t able to have sex with each other. I know, otoh, he’d feel bad in general for me because I am a very sexual person and sex is very important to me.

Kardamom's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’m still hoping that someone will be able to perfect the micro-waveable Soy Man and Soy Woman, just for these types of situations.

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