Social Question

Kokoro's avatar

Should I date my friend to see what happens?

Asked by Kokoro (1419points) March 13th, 2011 from iPhone

I have a good guy friend that I hang with often, I trust him and find him sweet and dependable, but for some reason isn’t my type. I don’t know why really… maybe it’s the lack of physical? Or I’m looking for a different type of personality?

He said he likes being around me and has coyly suggested we try being together, but I don’t want his feelings to get hurt… I feel like I’d be using him, plus I think I’m interested in someone else but I don’t think they’re interested in me.

A friend once told me that I need to stop worrying about others and think about what I want, but it’s all so confusing.

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12 Answers

KateTheGreat's avatar

If you’re not interested in him as much as he is interested in you, don’t do it. If you date him and you’re not into him, you’re just lying and that is never cool. You should always be honest when it comes to these situations. It always does a lot more hurt than it does good.

Kardamom's avatar

If you aren’t physically attracted to him and don’t feel that magical spark, even though you like him tremendously as a friend, and may even love him as a friend, don’t do it. You’ll feel icky and awkward when you’re with him (like kissing or holding hands) and then you’ll bail out because it doesn’t feel right. Your friend will have his feelings hurt and the friendship is likely to end, because you can never go back to the way things were.

Remain friends, but let him know that you just don’t feel like you can be a romantic partner to him because you just don’t feel that way about him. Once that’s out in the open, he’ll either accept it and be happy to remain friends with you, or he’ll feel awkward and sad and start to distance himself from you (because he may already be in love with you).

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Protect this valuable friendship and keep it authentic and caring on both sides.

DrBill's avatar

KateTheGreat has earned her title

CaptainHarley's avatar

I married my best friend. I have never regretted it for a single moment.

DrBill's avatar

@KatetheGreat

you always have insightful answers

The_Idler's avatar

When things get physical between you, as friends, you may look at him in a whole new light, you may become very attracted to him, indeed, things could be great. You might be attracted to one another, as well as enjoying each other’s company as friends.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean the relationship will actually work, and the worst thing is that, if it fails, you’ve probably lost your partner and a great friend…

I’d still be very tempted to go for it, I’ve had more friendships ruined by not becoming sexual/romantic when someone wanted that, than by becoming romantic in general, but it’s not many either way, and that’s only my life… =’]

john65pennington's avatar

Nothing ventured is nothing gained. This an old proverb from many years ago.

Date the guy and see what happens. You may find him more appealing, than you do now.

It couldn’t hurt, could it?

Anemone's avatar

Couldn’t you just keep being friends and doing non-date things, and see how it goes? Maybe if you keep it in the back of your head that he is a posisbility, your feelings will change on their own. However, if you force it by “dating”, and it doesn’t work out you run the risk of ruining your friendship and seriously hurting his feelings.

Kokoro's avatar

So many different opinions! My first boyfriend started out this way, except I didn’t know him that well and I ended up in an abusive relationshIp with him. I can tell this guy friend in particular is no way like my ex, a perfect friend. To be honest I think the only thing stopping me is that I’m interested in someone else, and don’t want to start anything to make that guy back off, though we aren’t even dating. We’ve only “talked” about possibly liking each other, and that’s why I feel like I would be using my friend.

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