What do you do as a parent when all hope is lost?

I’m hoping someone out there who has lost a child can help me out with this… but if you have any advice, I really need it.

My son was born with a type of kidney cancer called Wilm’s Tumor. It was in an early stage, so he had his kidney removed and had 18 weeks of chemo and was cancer-free. At 3, he was diagnosed with AML, a type of leukemia most likely from the chemo he had previously, which he is still currently battling. He recently had his other kidney removed because it was severely damaged from the drugs – he is now on dialysis and waiting for a transplant. At this point, the possibility of him receiving a new kidney is pretty much zero. In fact, his prognosis is not good at all – he has stopped responding to treatment, he has lost a lot of his hearing, he is very underweight and won’t eat, and overall very very weak. Many of his organs are failing. I spoke with his oncologist on Friday who let us know that he does not think that further treatment will benefit him in any way, and recommends stopping chemo and letting nature take it’s course, as his leukemia is rapidly progressing. If we keep him on dialysis, he may have a few more months left. And if we take him off dialysis (which would be more comfortable for him), he’d have probably about a week at most.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you some background information. Regardless of what we decide to do – he is going to die. There is no longer any hope of him beating this cancer. He isn’t even 5 years old. I am absolutely sick over this, I can’t sleep at night and I am in a severe depression. What I want to know if HOW can I stay positive for my son? How can I make his last few days or weeks the very best they can be? I am an emotional wreck and I don’t know how to stay strong anymore. Thank you.