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Montijess's avatar

I have been dating a guy for a month and just found out he's sending pictures to another girl what do I do?

Asked by Montijess (7points) March 16th, 2011 from iPhone

After I confronted him about the pictures he told me that the girl had asked her friend to ask him for his number and that is how they started textiing. He told me that he’s not dating other girls but me and that what him and I are going good that I have nothing to worry about.I don’t know if I am over thinking the situation and just let it go?

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35 Answers

filmfann's avatar

So, you guys have been going out for a month, and he doesn’t realize you own his soul yet?
Maybe you guys need to sit down and make some ground rules.

Kardamom's avatar

I think you are justified in being upset. Even though he says that you guys “going good” and you are definitely dating, he is already throwing out feelers for his next girlfriend. He sounds like the kind of guy that is always looking for the next thing or leaving his options open.

I agree with @filmfann that you should sit down to make some ground rules. Be very calm and try not to scream or cry, but let him know that you feel embarrassed and worried that he would be willing to text other girls and give them his picture and his phone number because it appears that he is trying to line up some new women, just in case your relationship doesn’t work out.

If it was me, I think I would break up with him, unless he comes to his senses immediately and apologizes and gives you some pretty concrete information that let’s you know that he’s not going to do this stuff anymore and that he wants you and only you for his girlfriend. You should never snoop, but it would be nice if he offered to let you see what he’s up to online.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Don’t sleep with him. You are just dating, and you need to keep it that way until he makes up his mind if this is a committed relationship or not. If it turns out not to be, it will be easier on you to move on if you aren’t sleeping with him.

babybadger's avatar

I agree with @Kardamom – Don’t let the relationship linger if you know he’s doing this and he doesn’t think it’s wrong. You are definately not overthinking it – just talk to him. If you have any more bad feelings, definately consider ending the relationship.

Likeradar's avatar

At first I thought my response would be that you need to chill out, talk to him about where you’re each at, and realize that dating=/= exclusivity.

However, this guy chose to tell that he’s not dating other girls while he’s sending pictures to one. A guy worth your time wouldn’t try to make you for a fool. He’s only into you, or he isn’t only into you. This guy isn’t, and he lied about it.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

What kind of pictures? Are we talking “I saw this funny sign and thought of you” or “I saw my penis and thought of you”?

Coloma's avatar

These are the tough calls in youth.
Only you can decide if you believe him and give him a 2nd chance after what others have said about having a serious discussion about expectations.

Everyone has to learn through trial and error in relationships, but, often it can take YEARS before a lot of people learn they have spent years looking away from serious behavior issues.

NEVER, EVER give more than ONE second chance, or, you might end up like a lot of women ( and men ) waking up one day years down the road wondering how the hell you got there.

Well….you made too many excuses for the inexcusable, that’s how! lol

SpatzieLover's avatar

I agree with everyone above. My best suggestion for you to gain some insight and some knowledge is to read a few relationship books. It sooooo would have saved me time & energy in my youth

Pattijo's avatar

Wow you’ve only been dating him a month , he doesn’t owe you anything , your going to lose him before your relationship even starts ! He’s not married to you

Neurotic_David's avatar

Dump the guy and move on. Look for someone who shares the same values as you. Things like “sending pictures of myself to another girl” are pretty basic, and while not everyone lives by those rules, you clearly do. So you should be with a guy who gets that—fundamentally so, and doesn’t need to be told.

marinelife's avatar

I agree with most of the posters above. If he is dating only you, then he should not be sending his picture to or texting other girls.

I think it’s a bad sign, and you should consider breaking up with him.

skfinkel's avatar

Give him the old heave ho.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

I’m confused: is this other girl that he’s texting a friend?

Coloma's avatar


While true, that no one ‘owes’ anybody anything, and, this is true in all relationships, we do ‘owe’ others total honesty.
After a month of dating most people know if they are considering themselves to be exclusive, in the moment, anyway.

That’s where ’ the talk’ comes in, obviously what needs to be clarified asap for the persons in question in this situation.

I believe in putting all of your cards on the table at once.

I tell potential dates EXACTLY what I am looking for and not looking for, which includes prompt disclosure of no interest in marriage and on the fence about co-habitation.

This way if a guy is desperately seeking a marriage partner or live-in lover as a main goal, well, I’m probably not your girl. lol

I wouldn’t date someone for 6 months and then tell them ” Oh, btw, I really have no interest in ever living with someone again.’ haha

SpatzieLover's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs he told me that the girl had asked her friend to ask him for his number and that is how they started textiing

I took that to mean, this girl he’s texting likes him, but was too shy to ask him for his number herself. I also took that as “texting with the new girl=flirting with new girl”

But, I’m old school and prefer my relationships to play out in real life, not via texting, so what do I know?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Find another guy.

Disc2021's avatar

Have you articulated to him that you would like things to be exclusive? If not, he probably didn’t see the harm in doing what he did – or at least his thought-process was “It’s not like we’re together yet, sooo…”, etc.

I dont blame you for feeling the way you feel, but I dont think he violated any terms of the contract – so to say, if this bothers you I would tell him that you don’t want this stuff happening again, nor talking to other girls.

If he isn’t cool with that and you’re still not cool with his behavior, then it’s time to start throwin’ up the deuces.

chyna's avatar

If you are sleeping with him, stop now until you can define your relationship. If you aren’t, don’t. It sounds to me like he is looking at other options.

jca's avatar

I would not be tolerating this if i were you, and there’s no way you can be sure that he will stop it, because he does not seem too trustworthy. Of course he is going to say “what we have is good.” he wants you to return to the happy, un-anxious girl he knew, plus if you are sleeping with him he wants that to continue, so he will reassure you to keep what he has going.

Seelix's avatar

I’d get rid of him if I were you. There are a lot of guys out there who are looking for a real relationship and who won’t jerk you around. I suggest you find one of them; you deserve better than this guy.

sarahjane90's avatar

Sayonara, in my opinion.

Phobia's avatar

A relationship needs trust, and if he can’t help build trust now in the start of the relationship, there will never be any.

As others have said, you should have a talk with him. Set some ground rules together and come to an understanding. This relationship is still in it’s early stages so don’t act too hasty when it comes to taking things to the next level, especially when there is a trust issue.

15barcam's avatar

what were the pictures of? figure that out and take it from there.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Send him a picture of you waving goodbye. ;)

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

HA! I like @lucillelucillelucille‘s answer, only I’m evil and would send him a pic of me flipping him the bird. But like I said- I’m evil. You sound nice, so you may not want to cross that line yet.

wundayatta's avatar

<begin rant>

Holy Christ, people! You’re all acting as if there is some kind of dating futures market, and one boy is replaceable by another. Just pass this one by, flip him the bird, say goodbye, and get rid of him. And all we’re talking about is texting someone? Sending them a picture?

He says that he’s with her and you all judge him a liar. Sending pictures is beyond the pale. Summary judgment. Wipe him off the fucking map!

These are people! Two people we know next to nothing about and you are all so sure you know what’s going on between them and also with the other chick. We don’t even know their age, or how they know each other, nothing except they’ve been seeing each other a month. And we’re all so smart and know everything.

Small-minded, too. Like a guy can’t have a friend who is a girl? Or he shouldn’t respond to her if she says she likes him? They’ve only been going together a month and already she’s jealous? And she turns to us for good advice and all we do is confirm her prejudices?

I’m almost ashamed to be a jelly. Seems to me that everyone would benefit if we all took a step back and asked for more information. It would also be nice if we could check our biases at the door and give advice based on the situation.

<end rant>

I think you need more information, OP. You don’t know this guy well at all. It’s too soon to go after him with a machete (or the internet equivalent). You don’t know him well enough to be able to know what he’s about of if he’s lying or anything. Besides which, you’re just dating. Have you signed an agreement to be exclusive yet? Or even talked about it? Do you even love him? Do you feel bubbles and dragonflies in your stomach? Do you wait by the phone? Do you act like a girl?

You’re not helpless. You don’t need us. You need your own brain and your own eyes and you need to make your own decisions because you’re the only one who has any information at all.

You do not need prejudice and stereotype—something that people here seem way too willing to give out, dressed up as advice. I’m sure my fellow jellies won’t agree with me, but I think in a way you are playing with an innocent, ordering her to dump the guy based on a paragraph or two of information. If there were advisor licenses, I think you’d be up before the board of inquiry. It is irresponsible at best, and malicious at worst.

I respect you all, but I think you missed the boat on this one, and I fear that you have forgotten your jobs.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Wow, I love you Wundy, but take one of my xanax and calm down. We didn’t tell her to go jump off a building or anything… She asked, we gave our opinions. I’m backing calmly away from the landmine now.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@wundayatta Wait, do people sign exclusivity contracts? No wonder I’m so bad at dating…

Neurotic_David's avatar

I’ve only been here a short while, but I think a lot of questions are open to interpretation. A lot of us have interpreted her question to mean that he’s sending pictures and messages to another girl, and that’s a conscious flirtatious act. We’re basing our answers, therefore, on that interpretation. You may disagree with our interpretation, but please go easy on the hyperbole, Wundyatta – we know what our jobs are here, and we’re doing it to the best of our ability. :)

Neurotic_David's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs please sign here, initial here, initial here, sign and date here, initial here, I need your thumbprint here, sign here… and… ok… let’s see… carry the 2… please provide $3,209.20 in upfront costs, thanks!

Coloma's avatar


Hah! Well, for being neurotic you have a great sense of humor. lol

sarahjane90's avatar

From my interpretation – it appears as though a ‘relationship’ between them is even hardly confirmed. As far as I know, I’ve never been in a relationship where the other has said to me, “don’t worry, I’m not dating other girls”, after I noticed him sending pictures to a girl.

These pictures must have been substantial enough to pique her interest or concern, so I am guessing they are not just some humorous photo.

From only having that kind of presumption to go on, in my own opinion I would say to my own friend to perhaps think about not carrying on with that potential relationship. I personally would not be comfortable with that going on especially if we had just begun dating. Perhaps if their relationship is or was established, then messaging female friends would not be a big deal.. although depending on what he is sending pictures OF, it could be inappropriate across the board.

Silence04's avatar

it’s only been a month, relax. Feel the situation out, see what happens. Communication is key.

jca's avatar

if you want to, please let us know what you choose to do.

the Update Lady

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