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Joker94's avatar

Do bullies ever deserve to be bullied back? (See inside)

Asked by Joker94 (8180points) March 17th, 2011

I saw this video the other day, and was wondering whether or not you felt like the bully in this situation deserved what he got.

I for one would say he had it coming, but I maybe a little biased. I was bullied when I was a bit younger, not to an extent like this though. What do you all think? People say that there are nonviolent actions you can take to prevent and end bullying, but when see situations like this, I dunno how true it proves. Though I hope there will ultimately be a nonviolent solution, I’m not promoting children beating the snot out of each other.

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40 Answers

Judi's avatar

I never had an effective answer for my son and he somehow always ended up being the one to get suspended. I was bullied as a kid too and I think that the teachers don’t realize that the bullies are usually the teachers pets, not the missfits.

Nullo's avatar

No, he had it coming. Kind of foolish of him, if you ask me, to attack in the first place. The other kid may be fatter, but he was also taller, and apparently much stronger. The ‘taller’ part ought to have been a clue. That actions have consequences is a vital lesson.

My own tormentors were of the taunting kind; I mostly avoided them or Yard Monitored them. All the same, that was sweet revenge, right there.

woodcutter's avatar

Bullies are often kids of respected parents of the community and it’s tough for the school to tell these people that their kids are trouble makers but that would be one way of getting to the bottom of it. Usually when these bullies get a dose of their own medicine is when their parents get involved. I don’t know of a downside to a bully getting bullied back unless it spirals out of control. The thing is, their victims are not of the type to escalate a situation. If they were, odds are they wouldn’t have been selected in the first place. They mainly want it to stop. When a bully gets his or hers, it is a bigger deal to them because they actually believe they were done wrong because they feel entitled to do to others whenever they want. And that may be due to some errors in their upbringing.

zenvelo's avatar

The question isn’t phrased quite right to me. I would pose it as “Is it okay to fight back against a bully?”

The boy who was being bullied took action, but did not bully the other kid, he walked away after standing up for himself. Good for him.

KhiaKarma's avatar

If those girls who stood there watching had taken a stand against the bully’s behavior, the bullying boy would have lost some of his audience and the behavior may have been discouraged. It takes the onlookers saying something to make it stop. People who stand and look in silence or even quiet amusement only add to the problem. And I agree with @zenvelo, it doesn’t seems that the bullied boy bullied back, but rather just ended it.

creepermax's avatar

Dude, the piledriver from Australia? Epic win. Real bullies are being bullied as they bully! That is totally true, usually. If onlookers help, really help it solve all problems. “Hey man stop bullying.” “K” “So what is going on at home?” “Just stubbing my toe all the time” “Lets fix that.” “K” That conversation should make complete and total sense.

Pandora's avatar

He had it coming. Everyone has to learn about consequences. If his parents didn’t bother to teach him that than too bad. He learned it now. That kid might’ve done him a favor. Maybe now he won’t grow up and end up in jail in the future because he will realize not everyone will sit back and take his crap.

cak's avatar

As a parent of a son in elementary school that has been bullied before, I struggle with how to tell him to deal with bullies. He’s on the small side, he isn’t always interested in being part of the crowd. In other words, he doesn’t always fit the “normal” mold. Fine with me, he’s a great kid!

So far, the one he has dealt with, it’s only been words and it’s dying down. I struggle with seeing violence as the answer, but understand there comes a point where you do have to stand up for yourself. I don’t have the perfect answer.

What really bothers me, is the people that are supportive of the bully. To me, they should be punished, as well.

Judi's avatar

one of my proudest moments in Jr high was when a bully brought her friends along and they were going to beat up another girl. The huge circle formed to watch the fight. I said, “Hey if Sally wants to fight her let her fight her, but it’s not a fight if three girls beat up one girl.” (the victim was way bigger than the bully.) the crowd agreed and started telling the bully that she was a whimp if she couldn’t fight for herself. She and her friends walked away.

Nullo's avatar

@cak I was delighted to see that the video had no downvotes.

cak's avatar

@Nullo: I can’t lie and say I didn’t feel like it was somewhat just. I’m still struggling for the right answer.

Judi's avatar

I just realized that I was in jr high. I’m sure the word “chicken shit” was used to describe the bully bitch. (I just turned 50 and the emotions still boil when I think about it!

ETpro's avatar

@Joker94 I don’t know what the answer is for every situation, but I can relate a true tale from my own youth that might help.

Not bullied back, but beating the tar out of one may straighten him out. I had a neighborhood bully move in and start terrorizing me when I as a kid. I took his punishment and cruelty for far too long. I kept turning the other cheek and ending up with matching bruises.

One day I was playing in an overgrown acre near home when he showed up with an air rifle and he suddenly got the bright idea to make me run from him, and try to shoot me in the back with his BB gun. When the first pellet hit, it hurt so bad I just lost it. I turned around and ran full tilt at him. He shot me twice more while I was closing in, but when I got to him I beat the living Hell out of him and broke his Daisy BB rifle over his head.

From that day on, his attitude totally changed. We ended up best friends, but I think it was because Butch had learned I wouldn’t take any more crap from him.

Nullo's avatar

I, too, would like to point out (a little late, I know) that retaliation is not the same thing as bullying.

@ETpro Pity about that air rifle; Daisy makes crap these days. Why is it that so many Butches are bullies?

ETpro's avatar

@Nullo You are quite right that retaliation is sometimes necessary. Bullying never is necessary or justified.

I’ve often wondered if his folks knew something about him right from birth. :-)

rooeytoo's avatar

It’s interesting how the tides turn in Fluther. There was a question not too long ago regarding bullying and the majority were for turning the other cheek, no physical retaliation, end of story. Now everyone has responded positively to this kid fighting back. I am all for it. You have to learn to take care of yourself in this world and sometimes the only way to do it is with physical force. For those of you who don’t watch rugby, this kid obviously does, that is a spear tackle! I think the kid who was tossed received a broken ankle.

SuperMouse's avatar

As he began middle school this year my oldest son was subject to some bullying for the first time. The times it has happened it has been nasty comments from other students. He is not a huge fan of conflict and @ETpro‘s story describes how I thought he might handle it. At the first sign of trouble he stood toe to toe with the aggressor and said “You don’t even know me, don’t talk to me like that.” According to him the bully kept at it for a couple of more sentences but my boy stood his ground, told him to not to disrespect him, and eventually the bully walked away. I am pretty sure he used this approach at least partly because of the discussion and training he has had in school about the problem of bullies and bullying.

I know that when I was in school we didn’t hear a single word about bullying, it was just something that happened. The cool kids were left alone but the less cool among us (i.e.e me) were hassled from time to time. Nowadays my kids are exposed to a curriculum that targets the bully, the victim, and the bystander. @KhiaKarma makes a great point in talking about the responsibility of those watching as events unfold. Rather than bullying the bully back and hanging him by his toenails in the quad, this seems a more appropriate solution.

Great book on the solving the issue of bullying

12Oaks's avatar

My old elementary school principal had this thing where, if he caught tow students fighting, their “punishment” was he took them to the gym, provided them both with boxing gloves, and let them fight it out in a proper, gentlemenly fashion. What a GREAT idea!! I wouldn’t have dropped out if all educators had the sense this man had. Some of us would “fight” just for a chance to go and box it out. Those days are gone, what a shame…..

Cruiser's avatar

The bully got off easy…I would have given him a taste of shoe leather and a lot more until the teachers pulled me off him. This event was planned to video tape him pounding on the fat boy to put on Youtube to further humiliate him. Things did not go the way they planned and my hope is kids all over the world finally get a clue that this kind of behavior is just plain wrong.

SuperMouse's avatar

@Cruiser do you have a source for the information about the bully and his plans for youtube? I would be very interested in learning more about that part of the story.

Cruiser's avatar

@SuperMouse Google Casey Heynes or go to the other threads on this from the other day and it is all there.

SuperMouse's avatar

I have clicked on the top five hits and the only thing that comes close to discussing that point is speculation from a family therapist that it might have been staged. I found nothing about a plan to post it on youtube.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

That boy was defending himself against that bully…...makes sense to me.;)

ucme's avatar

Oh i’d imagine each & every time they deserve whatever shit comes their way, including flying missile type objects. Maybe a saucepan or a picket fence :¬)

mattbrowne's avatar

At some point, yes, seeking allies first.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’m with @Cruiser . It is pretty clear the small bully had his friend video this so he could show off on youtube.
Notice after the slam the first place he went was to his friend doing the video.

Supacase's avatar

Is it okay to bully back? No. Is it okay to retaliate? You betcha. Once that kid started hitting the other one, he opened the door to physical contact. A bully should expect to have someone put them in their place at some point.

If his legs had landed partially on that ledge, he would have been in a world of hurt.

tranquilsea's avatar

I think the heavy kid was abundantly patient. If he had walked away the bully would have just attacked him from behind.

That move was great. He incapacitated him and was able to walk away. I hope the bully learned something.

Did anything happen to the kid who was bullied?

Begeara's avatar

That wasn’t bullying back, that was “Leave me alone you prick” and I think he got the message across quite well. I take my hat off to him not only for whooping that little jerks ass but also I respect him for leaving once the deed had been done. He didn’t stick around after to deliver more punishment which is amazing since I’ll bet his adrenalin was pumping pretty hard after that. The kid got what he had coming, no more no less.

Joker94's avatar

i@tranquilsea I haven’t heard if anything happened to the kid who was bullied, I’ll root around and see if I can’t find something. I’ll post a link if I do.

Sorry about the phrasing of this question, I was kind of tired when i wrote it (not that that’s too valid of an excuse)

Either way, I definitely think the bully got what he deserved. Frankly, it’s nice to see someone taking a stand. Sometimes the “Tell a Teacher” approach doesn’t always work, after all.

zenvelo's avatar

@Joker94 @tranquilsea Both boys were suspended for four days. When the video got posted, a fan page on facebook for the boy who was bullied and stood up had 17,000 supporters in a day or two.

rooeytoo's avatar

Both kids were suspended from school for 4 days. The bully’s ankle was broken. Now the question is whether the kid who was bullied will be charged with assault or be sued by the parents of the bully.

rooeytoo's avatar

ooops, I just noticed @zenvelo answered (I have no idea how I missed that)

Nullo's avatar

I will say that Casey took a risk here – in this kind of situation, it is easy for the bully to play the victim to the faculty, since he is so obviously outclassed.

Nullo's avatar

I was surprised to learn that there is some small segment of society that is horrified at Casey’s actions.

tranquilsea's avatar

With that video I would hope that the bully’s family would be hard pressed to argue that Casey should be charged. I mean that kid punched him 2 or 3 times hard (hard enough that you could hear the impact even several feet away). I also would love to be in the court room if they chose to sue him.

I read some where where the bully’s mother wants an apology from Casey. That’s bullshit unless the apology is framed like this: “I’m sorry I broke your ankle.” I mean really, that mother has to have seen this footage. How can she even go there?

Brian1946's avatar

“Both boys were suspended for four days.”

I’m addressing my following comments to those who suspended Casey, and not the providers of the above info.

It sucks that Casey was suspended.
What the hell was Casey supposed to do? Let the bully keep hitting him? Call for backup and handcuff him? Walk around looking for the appropriate authority while the punk kept hitting him? ~

In most cases, kids don’t have the equipment, resources, or training to deal with bullies in a completely professional and legally foolproof manner, but that shouldn’t mean that therefore anyone who defends their self against an attack should be punished.

If there were adequate means on campus to prevent bullying, then this might not have happened, but that’s the responsibility of the administration, not the victims.

tranquilsea's avatar

I can understand the policy for suspending both boys in situations where it turns into a “did too, did not” with no reliable witnesses. But this one was taped for Pete’s sake! They should have sat the bully down and said, “see what can happen when you start a fight! Don’t do it again!”.

raven860's avatar

I feel there is no one method fits all situations answer. Different situations require different methods of dealing with them. Sometimes its about not paying attention to it…because the “bully” only looks for ways to grab your attention to linger you along with your continuous reactions and other times your have to hit back & hit back HARD to ensure the moron knows your not a person to messed with physcially.

Crashsequence2012's avatar

Would public execution be considered bullying.

Obviously I have strong feelings on this matter.

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