Send to a Friend

iwannamakemovies's avatar

How can I make this story more interesting?

Asked by iwannamakemovies (233points) March 20th, 2011

Okay, this is really the first episode of a web series called Discarded.
Discarded is a comedy about teens in a foster home.
Here’s what happens in the first episode:

A man and a woman are running from the cops, after robbing a bank and killing 7 people. They get captured. At the prison, they get one phone call and call home. Now we’re in a ghetto, messy, sh!thole, if you will. Ghetto granny picks up the phone. One of her character traits is laziness and she doesn’t want to deal with the situation. Granny hands the phone off to her grandson, Mason. Mason has a twin named Adam who is also in the room. He has dialog in this scene, but it’s not too important. Mason’s parents tell him to bail them out of prison. The bail out price is $4.2 million. They obviously can’t afford that. The twins and their granny discuss whether or not granny will take care of them. The conclusion of that scene is that the Granny can’t take care of them. They call a rich family friend and ask them to pay the bail. They say no. The next scene is the court trial of the parents. They officially go to jail for life. After that, the twins look for a foster home and decide on an upper-middle class one opened by a pedophile named Mr. Cox. The very last scene is the twins ringing the doorbell.

What can I do to make the plot more interesting?

Using Fluther


Using Email

Separate multiple emails with commas.
We’ll only use these emails for this message.