Social Question

shalom's avatar

Why do men I just meet keep asking about my sex life or make comments about my lack of a sex life?

Asked by shalom (374points) March 25th, 2011

I consider myself a bit of a prude because I neither dress nor behave suggestively. However, about 50% of males I become acquainted with (on a platonic, social level, not actual dating situation) ask me about my sex life even when we have only met each other for the first time or first few times.

Example of questions asked before I feel we are comfortable enough as “close friends” :

- Do you like sex?
– What do you think of the attitudes towards sex for women in your country?
– When was the last time you had sex
– How often do you masturbate?
– What kind of men do you like?

I have remained friends with them and no harm has come to me – in fact later on we can become quite good friends.

I wonder if it’s because they got clued in to :

- me being a young widow and single for 13 years.
– my attraction to gay men.

If I have been doing something wrong I would like to know. If I have not been doing something wrong and those questions are asked of me as just some kind of survey then I can be put more at ease.

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13 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

You are doing nothing wrong! Some people are just one-dimensional, that’s all. Asking about sex is okay, for me, but there is a time and a place and a comfort level and it has to be amidst a million other topics that we would discuss, as well. I don’t think they’re clued into anything, these guys, let alone the two statements you mention at the end.

syz's avatar

Wow, anyone that nosy and inappropriate would get “stank-eye” from me.

Seelix's avatar

My thought is that they find you attractive and want to know whether you find them attractive as well. Some people just don’t know how to approach that kind of conversation, and it seems to me that you’ve encountered a few of those.

If these men in particular know that you’re a young widow and have been single for 13 years, they may just be curious as to why you’ve decided to remain single, and whether it’s been difficult for you to find sexual satisfaction without a steady partner. Again, I think they’re going about it the wrong way.

shalom's avatar

Some friends have said perhaps I “reveal too much about my personal life”. I don’t know how much is “too much”. The last incident that happened a few days ago, I made sure I revealed nothing about myself but I felt bad because my new friend was revealing so much about his personal and romantic life to me. I then said he can ask me anything he wants about me and he asked me to go ahead and tell him things. I hesitated because I didn’t want to say anything that would put me at fault for “revealing too much about my personal life.” So finally he said, “Have you been married?” And I said, “Yes, for a short time.” I mean, how do we lie about these things, such as being married before and having a child and being a widow?

And Seelix, you are right, they are curious as to why I’ve decided to remain single. This latest incident, a few days ago, he asked whether I’m afraid of being touched and asked to hold my hand.

How do I avoid men being curious about why I’ve remained single and why I don’t pay for a gigolo? I mean, what’s their point anyway, I think it’s none of their business. I actually got a bit fed-up and while holding his hand, moved my face 3 inches from his, stared into his eyes and asked confidently, “Why are you asking me all these questions about my sex life? Do you want to have sex with me?”

I just decided to pick up the courage and ask him because he was leaving town in 2 days’ and I’d most probably never see him again. The answer, “No.” So, I really wonder, if they don’t want to have sex with me why are they so uptight about my lack of a sex life?

marinelife's avatar

I think that you are meeting (or seeking out to meet) weird guys. I think those questions are really inappropriate.

Response moderated (Spam)
SpatzieLover's avatar

@shalom I forget what country you live in…however, the men you describe sound like real pigs. I think I’d stick to befriending gays if I were you.

creative1's avatar

Believe me its just men being men! mI am on an online dating site and I get constantly from men offers for sex and such. I don’t even respond to the emails I get from those individuals, then you have the ones you think are normal who start off nice and then tell you that you look like someone they only want to have sex with. How does one take that but walk away, its just too funny to see this question because I am no prude infact quite the opposite when it comes to talking dirty. I love to talk dirty just for the fun of it I just don’t sleep with someone I am not in a realationship with. So it has nothing to do with you looking a certain way or anything it is just men being men. They like to see how far they can push our evelopes before we walk away. You are just fine don’t change who you are!!!

I also have a couple of male friends who are gay and its no big deal, its actually nice to have a male to hang with that wants nothing more than do what you like to do.

shalom's avatar

@SpatzieLover I live in Malaysia BUT I get these questions from:

local men (20% of the time)
other Asian men (10%)
Western men (30%)
local men who have lived overseas for some time and are back here for a bit or for longer (20%)

In total they roughly add up to 50% of total new males I meet over the years because I seldom socialize. I would actually need to meet MORE males in order to reduce the % of these occurrences.

@noelleptc You made a good point there. When I tell them politely it’s none of their business they say it’s because I am just too shy to admit I need sex like what happened with that man and your friend.

@creative1 You made sense! They just want to see how far they can push it. OK, next time I’m going to PUSH back. It’s such a pity because I genuinely want to make friends with everyone and I cannot understand the mentality of doing or saying something to another person just to push them away.

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janbb's avatar

How are you meeting all these men? Perhaps there is something in the place you are looking that leads them to believe you want to reveal personal information of a sexual nature .I have never been asked how often I masturbate by anyone.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Wow, sounds like you live in pit that’s sucked up the world’s most tasteless men! It’s up to you to divulge personal information them but if it were me then I’d tell the guys they were inappropriate and give them the cold shoulder from there on. On the upside, these guys are making it easier for you not to waste your interest (if any) further and hopefully some men with better sense and manners will notice you.

shalom's avatar

@janbb really random. There is no commonality at all in how I met these people. So I suspected it’s not the place or the circumstances.

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