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curiousgirl's avatar

NSFW:Confused about my sexuality?

Asked by curiousgirl (17points) March 27th, 2011

I’m looking for advice from people who’ve experienced confusion about their sexuality post teens. I’m in my mid-20’s and have had boyfriends in the past. I enjoy sex and am physically attracted to men. At the same time, I’ve found myself becoming increasingly attracted to women, say over the last 6months to a year.
I’ve developed feelings if you could call it that for a female lecturer of mine. I think about her a lot. Most of my fantasies during masturbation now revolve around females, her in particular.
I’m feeling very confused at the moment and don’t really feel I can talk to anyone close to me about it – I guess I’m not fully comfortable with these feelings, having not gone through this before.
I’m beginning to question if I’m bi-sexual. My heart tells me labels mean nothing. I guess I’m just trying to get my head around this and would appreciate any input from someone who understands
Thanks for reading

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9 Answers

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

You don’t have to put a label on it, just be with whomever you want to be with.

Carly's avatar

Yeah, I agree with the idea that labels don’t really mean anything. I’m usually only attracted to men, but every now and then I’m strongly attracted to a woman. I think it’s a new thing to get used to, but eventually you’ll be comfortable knowing that its possible for yourself to be attracted to anyone, no matter what sex.

I thought I was “confused” myself when I thought about ideas like this, but then I realized I was just nervous about the possibility of being/doing something still considered “taboo” in our society.

Think about this: if you were in a society where it didnt matter who was with who, then what kinds of people would you be with sexually? I choose men and women. Some just choose one gender. I dont think there’s anything wrong with either.

bolwerk's avatar

I don’t know if I entirely agree with @MyNewtBoobs. Yeah, be yourself, but sexual identity is part of people’s identity. You might want to try to compartmentalize the feelings in question. Are you bi-fantasizing, bi-curious, or bi-nose-deep-in-rug? (Rhetorical question, don’t answer me.) And, if you do act on them, what are you afraid of? Social consequences? Active bigotry? Shunning by friends.

Just having feelings is one thing, but you sound genuinely worried about the repercussions.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@bolwerk I actually agree with you, I just don’t think it’s part of everyone’s identity, and that the integration to their identity comes after they figure out what they want. So I think trying to figure out the label first is trying to put the cart before the horse.

mazzkat's avatar

I never really say “I’m bisexual” because I don’t feel it’s something I need to point out or even matters. New feelings like this can be unexpected and it’s somewhere you’ve never explored before; but it is worth exploring in the privacy of your mind. It’s scary but if you have to let your curiosity guide you in this one and even if you do get hurt, you’ll understand yourself far better.

Research on yourself, don’t be scared to approach other females. I did it on the internet for a long time and I cried about it for nights on end until I accepted that I couldn’t change how I looked at women. Just the same way I looked at men. You’ll be fine, I’m sure. Don’t be scared to explore!

everephebe's avatar

I don’t think it works like this:
☐Homosexual ☑ Bisexual ☐Heterosexual
or this-
Pick one:
☐Homosexual? ☐Heterosexual?

I don’t think you tick one of two or three boxes. I think people occupy a range (a rainbow) of possibilities and preferences, and that they are either sexual or asexual. I never understood the term bisexual. Really you can’t just say, “I’m sexual,” and leave it at that? Love is love. Labels don’t seem to work very well for this subject. Love ♥ is all you need. You’re a Homo-Sapien-♥ leave it at that.

@curiousgirl Follow your heart.
There is nothing wrong with failing to be pinned down in a category.
There is nothing wrong with you pinning a girl down and kissing her either.

Honestly, if you can change your mind about your favorite color or ice cream, surely you can choose who you want to date or sleep with.

Kardamom's avatar

You can label it or not, but you clearly have sexual feelings for both men and women. At various times during your life, you might feel more attraction towards men and at other time you might feel more attraction towards women, and at some times you might feel equal amounts of atttaction towards both sexes. The definition of that is bisexuality. But you can call it what you want, or not call it anything at all. There’s nothing wrong with it. Society, is what makes homosexuality and bisexuality seem bad and wrong. Don’t buy into that.

Whatever you do, just be honest with yourself, and your partners and be safe in your sexuality and be kind and generous and loving towards the people that you engage in sex with. Don’t ever use people and you’ll probably be just fine.

If you are worried about what your friends and family might think. Keep your news to yourself until you feel more confident. In the meantime, you might want to get involved with, or find information from some gay and bisexual organizations such as PFLAG (parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). There are forums (anonymous and public) for you to ask questions and talk to other people that have gone through the same thing that you are going through.

curiousgirl's avatar

Thank you all for the responses. I guess I’ll take time to get comfortable with my feelings for a while. It’s all very new to me. @bolwerk Yes, there’s a part of me that feel somewhat anxious about how I feel.
@Kardamom Thanks for the link.

lbwhite89's avatar

Sexuality is fluid. If you’re sexually attracted to men, you aren’t a lesbian. If you’re sexually attracted to women, you aren’t heterosexual. Bisexual, sure, but I get the impression you’ve never actually engaged in sexual activity with a female. If you’re attracted to this woman, which is completely normal, I’d suggest trying sex with a woman. If you can’t go for it with the lecturer, you can seek out another woman you are attracted to. You may discover that you don’t like it at all. Even heterosexual females get girl-crushes on friends, teachers, etc. And if you discover that you DO like it, then a label isn’t necessary. Be with whoever you want to be with. We have the right to choose who we sleep with, but we can’t choose who we are attracted to. Embrace your sexuality and love yourself. Don’t be ashamed to discuss this with your loved ones, but feel free to take the time you need to figure out how you feel about these things.

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