Social Question

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Do you agree that you don't just marry the person, you marry the family?

Asked by MyNewtBoobs (19041points) March 31st, 2011

Why/why not?

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19 Answers

Nullo's avatar

Yes, because the family isn’t going anywhere. You’re going to see them on holidays and weekends, and you’ll meet when something needs to be moved, and it is not uncommon for Grandma to look after the kids now and then.
Beyond that, you are at least partially shaped by your family. Even if they all die off, their impressions will still be there in your character.

flutherother's avatar

Yes, I would agree with that. It is even more strongly the case in eastern societies with a very powerful sense of family, even to the extent of arranging marriages. I think we owe it to our spouse to at least try to get on with their family but of course it isn’t always easy.

marinelife's avatar

No, you don’t marry the family, but you are stuck with them so, if possible, you need to make the best of the situation.

Cruiser's avatar

For better or for worse, the family is most certainly part of the packaged deal and why I carry mace.

cak's avatar

Oh how I try not to be part of his family, but they keep sucking me in. I have a line, I think, when it comes to his family. He even has a line. Unfortunately, there are few boundaries with my mother. My husband is a good SIL, when it comes to her.

filmfann's avatar

When I got married, it was more like she married my family, but hers are 2000 miles away, and we have very sparse contact with them. When my brother and one of my sisters married their spouses, it was not like family marriage at all. It really depends on what you want, and what the family wants.

jerv's avatar

Neither my wife nor I have had any contact with her family in a few years, so I think that this is not always true.

Blackberry's avatar

No, because my relationship is our business (the two people in the relationship).

Facade's avatar

Not at all, but everyone involved should still be respectful of each other.

tedibear's avatar

I don’t know that you “marry” the family, but there certainly is the potential for there to be involvement. The level of that involvement should be determined by the couple and no one else. Not always easy to do.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

When you marry, if there is family in the sidelines, then yup, expect them to come into play. That is, unless your partner has quit the team completely and taken up another sport.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

In my case, yes I married the whole family, because my husband spends so much time with his family. They are all very “family oriented” people, and like to be involved with other family members. Thankfully, I love his family to death, and they usually don’t butt in to personal business. I have only had a conflict with my father-in-law a couple of times. As hardheaded as I am, I got my point across and “won” both arguments. To be perfectly honest, my father-in-law was in the wrong both times, so the real conflict was getting him to sit down and listen to my explanation of why I was doing the right thing. =0)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Generally, yes. It’s good to know ahead of marriage what kind of involvement your spouse has with family so you can know what your place will be and what’s expected, not so much in terms of your own behavior towards them but what they’re used to having with the person you want to marry.

cazzie's avatar

Oh, yes. You marry the whole family, or at least the amount of relationship your spouse has with their family. If that annoying sister in law is going to be at the family dinners your finance insists on going to each week, you’d better work out if you can stand her for the rest of your life (or her’s). She isn’t going anywhere.

lonelydragon's avatar

No, because marital relationships are, in many ways, more intimate than filial relationships. But unless your spouse is estranged from his/her family, you’ll have to deal with them at least sometimes, so you will need to develop effective coping strategies.

@cazzie So are you saying that if you don’t like a member or members of a person’s family, you should beak up with them?

perspicacious's avatar

NO. You marry the person.

cazzie's avatar

@lonelydragon no… that’s not what I’m saying. Try not to over-simplify.

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