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minniemau5's avatar

My boyfriend is going back home for the summer (4 months), what to do?

Asked by minniemau5 (432points) April 3rd, 2011

We’ve been dating for a little over 3 months. He is going home for the summer break (May – September), which is 3 hours away. We’ve been trying to decide whether or not we should stick it out for the 4 months and have a long distance relationship, or if we should take a “break” – and possibly pick up where we left off, when he comes back in September. I think that’s what he wants. But I’m worried that we’ll just drift apart in the summer and it won’t be the same when he comes back in September. I’m afraid that if we take a break like he seems to want, he’ll move on. If we do decide to stay together, it would be 4 months without seeing each other at all (or maybe once or twice if I’m lucky). I’m kind of stuck. Do you have any advice on what to do? I really want to make the relationship work… but I just don’t know…

We are 18 and 19 years old if that helps.

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15 Answers

12Oaks's avatar

Take the break. You are young. You have plenty of time. Still, it isn’t in your best interest to waste four months of your lives waiting for each other. I’d even cut off from FaceBook and Twitter and the like, clean break, and when/if he returns, see where things stand. Hells bells, either of you may be married to someone else in three months (Let’s just hope that doesn’t happen).

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

If you are going to drift you will probably do so regardless of your decision to take a break or not. I’d opt for the break, and then play it by ear.

zenvelo's avatar

My opinion is that communication is so easy these days you can communicate everyday while you are apart, and you will see him a couple of times. But if he is an “out of sight, out of mind”
person, the relationship may be drifting apart with or without the distance. He may have already moved on.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Accept to take the break. If he was the one to suggest it then that tells you right there he’s not really into your relationship strongly enough to not want to be with others or… for you to be with others. In his mind he’s already ok with the idea, the thoughts and mental images of you meeting and dating other guys while he’s gone. Let him go for now.

6rant6's avatar

He wants to take a break. That pretty well defines your relationship (and possibly his vacation plans). If he doesn’t call the first week to tell you he misses you, color it over.

marinelife's avatar

If he wants to take a break, there is nothing that you can do to hold him. So you should let him go.

A summer is a long time. Don’t tie yourself down. You are at an age where you are both growing and changing.

If it is meant to be, you will get back together in the fall.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Taking a break because of going home for the summer is different than taking a break because the relationship isn’t working. He’s going to want to run around with his friends from high school when he’s home, and have his time be his own. This is where the “if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be.” quote is applicable.

There’s facebook, Skype and blogging. All kinds of ways to stay in touch. Perhaps you could each post an picture taken on your phone every day, and write one sentence about it. Have you met any of his friends or his parents?

Theme music for this question

zenvelo's avatar

@BarnacleBill that songs been running through my head all day long since this thread started

wundayatta's avatar

Is your relationship fairly equal now? I mean, does he call you as much as you call him? Or text? Or chat/whatever? Or have you be chasing him most of the time?

I think that whatever the pattern has been, is how the pattern will play out. If he works on the relationship, he should continue to. If he has been letting you do all the work, then he will continue to let you do that.

Nullo's avatar

One of my best non-family relationships is with a person that I’ve never even seen, who lives some five thousand miles away. It can be done.

That said, three hours isn’t that far. One of you could go visit the other once or twice a month with little difficulty. Make a day of it, or a two-days of it.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I’d wait to make a decision closer to then. If he really wants a break, then that says a lot about how he views the relationship. If you decide to take the break, be sure to enjoy yourself and not sit around waiting for him to come back to you. If you decide to keep the relationship going, there are a lot of ways to stay connected while you are apart. Good luck.

john65pennington's avatar

If there ever was a perfect situation for this song, this is it.

Please go to Youtube and listen to the song See You In September by theTempos. Its an oldie, but its as good as ever, especially in your situation. Let me know what you think. jp

Cruiser's avatar

Make plans to visit each other half way. You can meet for the day and still be home early evening. Three hours away is an easy drive and no excuse not to see each other during the summer.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Many moons ago, my dear, I was in the same situation. And it was before the invention of anything other than…(gasp) the telephone. We called each other twice a week (now you can Skype each other nightly, and also see each other online). We wrote letters (real letters with stamps) every day and/or sent cards and presents to each other. My situation was compounded by the fact that he had fallen in love with me at university, but he still had a girlfriend from back home who had gone abroad to study in Japan. So, he actually was going home to see “how he felt” about her and then was going to “decide” if it was going to be me or her. (I know.) She was not going to arrive back from Japan until mid-summer, so it was really nerve-wracking. I waited with bated breath for that phone call after he met her to see how he felt.

He chose me. And we did stay together for quite a long time after that…though eventually we went our separate ways.

Definitely meet halfway as someone suggested! That’s not far at all. My boyfriend (back then) was 3,000 miles away! There was no way we could get together at all. And made it through the summer.

So, call each other daily, write and text daily….send him cards, small silly gifts and just keep in touch. It’s so much easier than it was in 1920. :) (Just kidding.)

Honestly, true love endures. It really does. Best of luck to you!

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