Have you ever fished for compliments? If so, how?

I don’t think I fish for compliments, but sometimes I feel like I fish for encouragement. It’s like I need someone else to tell me not to give up, etc., because I am not able to tell myself that (at least, not to the point where I’d listen.)

I do not give out compliments just because they are expected, and I don’t like compliments that I feel are not genuine (and I can usually tell).

I don’t fish for compliments. I’m not one of those people that talks about bad they are so everyone will comfort them and say “awww, no you’re not, you’re awesome!” Ugh. I understand that some people do have low self-esteem but I’ve known people who deliberately say things like that just so people will compliment them (especially when it comes to physical appearance).

I believe most compliments that I receive. There are definitely times where a compliment seems to be more obligatory and I’m thinking “you’re just saying that” as opposed to them actually meaning it. I’m the type of person who likes any compliments, so I don’t really care if it was more obligatory than sincere, that doesn’t create a problem for me, it’s just that a compliment that comes “out of nowhere”, as you said, would be more appreciated.

I give out compliments when a person deserves them. :\ It might be a small reason, it might not be a terribly important compliment, but if I think someone one deserves one, then I will give one.

I never mistrust a compliment. I think I’m awesome and I’m glad when other recognize this. I’m big on giving out compliments to others as well. When I compliment someone, which is often (even strangers) I’m always sincere. The simpliest things amaze me. From a crooked smile to an ernest attempt at paint-by-numbers art to a sunset or a rainbow in a spray of water from the hose.

there was a day where I started talking about how I wanted to start wearing a mask like the one the Phantom wore as an odd sort of joke to this girl, wondering if she would give me a compliment because masks hide facial deformities, which I don’t have by any means, I like my face.. anyhoo, it worked, but was painfully anticlimactic, so I never really did so again. Though, I noticed that I’ve done so unintentionally while talking about my own insecurities, but it’s often felt like what @DominicX stated, they were obligated to do so. Other times, though, it was like a good friend telling another friend that their concerns are foolish, and was genuinely uplifting.

Ugh, yes. I’m trying to get over it, but still catch myself doing it. If I know I’ve done something awesome, I’ll kind of indirectly bring it up and wait for other people to tell me how great it is. Big time fail.

Anyway, I think it doesn’t matter so much whether you “believe” complements. What that complement shows about the underlying relationship between two people is more important. For example, if you get an unsolicited complement from someone like your boss or a client, they have less incentive to make you feel good by complementing you. A complement like that says they respect the quality of your work. If you get a complement from a friend (“you look great!”) because they’re trying to lift your mood, maybe the complement itself isn’t 100% truthful. But the sentiment behind that is that they’re you’re friend and they want you to feel better- that’s the underlying truth.

So really, I don’t think those “social glue” complements are so bad as long as the people exchanging the complements genuinely like each other. The underlying truth of a complement like that is that you’re building rapport and strengthening a friendship. You definitely need the objective truth sometimes; I think good friends, once they get to know each other, start to get a feel for what’s appropriate and when.

@wundyatta, I agree that the kind of genuine, unsolicited complements you’re talking about are rare, but I think that’s a symptom of a wider flaw of our culture in general, which is that we’re not very friendly to each other.

I did once when me and the missus were out at sea anglin’ for some marine life.
She gave me a very flattering anniversary card but the wind blew it overboard.
I almost had the card hooked when a stupid marlin mistook it for cracker, or something like that. ;-p

What in the river of desperation you mean? No sir…never, no need see.

@bkcunningham Why do you think you’re awesome?

I never fished for compliments. I like to be complimented but I don’t fish for them.

@wundayatta honestly, I look around at the people I know, people I love, friends, neighbors, random people who cross my path nearly everyday, children I’ve adopted and raised; when I stand at the graves of people I’ve loved who have touched my life and remember them; when I look at these amazing people who are part of my world past and present, they are the most interesting, kind, generous, intelligent, wise, funny people in the world. Too me, they have each helped to shape and form who I am by sharing a part of themselves with me. These people are all awesome. I must be awesome too.

@bkcunningham Interesting idea. Never occurred to me. I, too, feel blessed and lucky to have such wonderful, intelligent people around me. But I almost always feel like I am an impostor around them. Like they think I’m someone like them, even though I’m not. I usually feel like if someone likes me, it’s a fluke of some kind. They must think I’m someone I’m not. So I’m always walking on tip toes, hoping no one will notice and figure out who I really am. I live on borrowed time, mostly.