Social Question

MtnCalling33's avatar

Should I move on with a new beau, or try yet again to work it out with my (ex) BF of almost 2 years?

Asked by MtnCalling33 (62points) April 4th, 2011

My BF and I have been on and off for 2 years. I know he loves me, but lately I realized it might not be going anywhere (like marriage). And he admitted to having doubts, doesn’t feel like he can trust “us” to make it, and was scared, etc. So we haven’t seen each other in a couple weeks.

I felt that maybe I should just try (as hard as it would be) to move on. So I went out with this guy I’ve known for about a year and we hit it off and ended up kissing and had a great time! We spent 2 days together and did the hold hands walking down the street thing, etc. and he seems very interested and I really like him. He’s adorable! Not to mention funny, kind, is happy with his career and is as much a dog lover as I am (which my ex is not).

But I’m worried that if I move on with the new guy, that it won’t work out (he lives 4 hours away), and possibly miss my ex (obviously we have some good things going on for us as well…).

The day after I get back from this great time with new-man, my ex tells me that he has thought about it and is ready for the commitment and doesn’t want to lose me. Is my ex grasping at straws, saying anything just to keep me?

So, I’m confused. Do I get back with him and try again to work this out? Or do I cut my losses and take a huge chance with the new guy?
Help? Thanks!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

7 Answers

KateTheGreat's avatar

Yeah, you’re going to miss your ex for a long ass time after you break it off. But can you see yourself being with the guy you are with now forever? If not, just move on.

marinelife's avatar

Try to keep the two separate in your considerations (tough though that may be).

Evaluate getting back with your ex. If you were able to kiss and hold hands with another guy already, do you really have strong feelings for your ex or is he just a habit?

Do you think he means it about the commitment or was it just a knee-jerk reaction to the thought of losing you?

Look forward (without the new guy in the picture) and see how you will feel without your ex in your life in a month, in six months, in a year.

Now, look forward and see your life with the ex in a month, six months, in a year.

Which feels like the future that you want?

Once you make a decision about the ex, that decision determines your course of action with new guy.

Good luck.

Jude's avatar

You have to figure out what you want. Be honest with yourself, and let your ex boyfriend go, if you’re interested in someone else/don’t think that it will work with the ex b/f

But, honestly, sounds like a big fat rebound to me. Either work it out with your ex, or ,move on, but, take some time for yourself. Be on your own for awhile. You would be jumping into something else too quickly. Bad move.

ziegler's avatar

No matter the situation, please move on. Your ex should never be your next.

Taciturnu's avatar

My theory is that every new relationship should be approached with no expectations. Every existing relationship should be reevaluated to see if it’s heading in the direction of your goals. If you can get on the same page again with reasonable effort, great. If not, it’s likely never going to work.

It sounds like your “ex” isn’t going where you want him to and you two have had conversations about it. You don’t share the same goals or you don’t think your goals will be met together. With that in mind, I tend to think you will never have a fulfilling relationship with your “ex.” In order to leave yourself open to a potentially fulfilling relationship, you need to end that relationship, period. Your new relationship is just that- new. Maybe he’ll be your forever mate. Maybe he’ll be a stepping stone back into the dating realm. Either way, do you want to stay in a relationship that isn’t “going anywhere?”

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

You can love someone but not be in love with them. It took me quite a long while after a break-up to realize this.

If you are still in touch with your ex-boyfriend, then you need to come to a conclusion on what the parameters are of the relationship: either you are a couple, you are just friends, or you have little to no contact. Then it is a matter of telling the current boyfriend what the arrangement is should you two decide to stay in touch.

bob_'s avatar

Dude, who says “beau”?

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther