Who on here likes Seinfeld, and, if you do...
What are some of your favorite quotes?
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177 Answers
“Yes, yes I am. Master of my domain.”
Oh god….
For twenty bucks I’d put my face in their soup and blow
Merlot? I’ve never heard of it. Did they just invent it?
Pretzels, madame? (Jerry says this to George after George gets feminine looking glasses lololol)
Art….......Core.
But the pinnacle of all:
TIPPY TOE TIPPY TOE LEMON TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I doubt anyone else remembers that quote but it’s in the episode where George leaves this girl a nasty message and regrets it and has to go to her apartment to get the tape out of her answering machine and Jerry is with him and they devise a code that, if while George is distracting her and Jerry is trying to switch the tape, she is about to enter the room, George will yell “TIPPY TOE.” Then they change it to “Lemon tree” and when she comes into the room he yells “TIPPY TOE TIPPY TOE UHHH LEMON TREE!!!!!!!” One morning when I lived at home my mom was watching Seinfeld and she got the biggest kick out of this, I heard her downstairs crying and yelling and laughing and not being able to breathe, I ran down and was like WHAT IS GOING ON! ARE YOU OKAY? And that’s when it was revealed that she was just laughing really, really hard. Funny.
How about, “The sea was angry that day my friend, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli…”?
(in response to the hand photographer’s concern) “You don’t have to worry about me! I won a contest!”
George saying “I’ve driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution”
Jerry Saying “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.”
Elaine’s Christmas Card and Jerry saying “I’m not sure, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I think I see… a nipple.”
The episode about the roommate switch Jerry attempted.
@creative1 : and in the same episode with the nipple, when George complains that he didn’t get a Christmas card, Elaine yells, “You want a card, I’ll give you a card”, while mashing his face into her bosom, lol!
Oh no… I’m so sorry, the correct answer is “The Moops”.
@creative1 Right? One of the funniest scenes ever!
Frank yelling “Serenity now. Serenity now.”
I loved the Junior mint and Jerry saying “It’s a junior mint” and the thing flying in the air and going in the guys body
I love the whole exchange with the car rental place…Lady behind counter says, “I know why we have the reservation…”
Jerry: “I don’t think you do. If you did, I’d have a car….(missing something in here) You see, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation…and that’s really the most important part…the holding of the reservation. Anyone can just take a reservation…” (while picking “reservations” out of the air)
@Jude ”...Lord of the manor…master of my domain.”
George’s reasong for peeing in at the gym
George says “It’s not good to hold it in. I read that in a medical journal.”
Jerry Says “Did the medical journal mention anything about standing in a pool of somebody else’s urine?”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that…”
George Costanza Says “I’m 33 years old; I haven’t outgrown the problems of puberty, I’m already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately, to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a normal… medium orgasm.”
Jerry Replys “I never had a really good pickle.”
@yankeetooter Loved that one you mentioned of the rental car, that one was just too too funny
During the contest, Jerry: ” She’s driving me crazy, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’m here, I’m climbing the walls. Meanwhile I’m in this contest, I’m datin’ a virgin, SOMETHING’S GOT TO GIVE!”
Kramer wanting to take the pigman from the hospital
Cosmo Kramer says You got room for the pigman?
George Costanza reply’s The pigman can take the bus.
Cosmo Kramer says You know, if the pigman had a car, he’d give you a ride.
George Costanza Replys How do you know? What if Pigman had a two-seater?
Cosmo Kramer says Come on George, be realistic.
“The woman ‘cross the street has nothing on, nothing on, nothing on”, while Jerry’s singing, “The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round…”
Cosmo Kramer: Well, our rickshaw is gone. We strapped it to a homeless guy and he bolted.
Jerry: Well, you know, 80% of all homeless rickshaw businesses fail within the first six months.
It’s chocolate it’s peppermint…..it’s delicious!
@deni All I picture is a junior mint flying into a guys body
How about when Kramer’s driving the bus because something happened to the driver, and he says something about still making the stops, and someone (Jerry?) asks him: You kept making all the stops?
Kramer: Well people kept ringing the little bell…
George: You’re Batman!
@yankeetooter I am dying of laughter here this was an awesome topic
Can never have enough Seinfeld
@creative1 Thanks-I never knew how popular this would be, and I’m sitting here laughing out loud…
When Jerry and Kramer sees George’s girlfriend topless in the Hamptons, and George wants to know how good a look they got, and so he asked them if she were a suspect that they had to give a description of to the police, and Jerry says: “They’d pick her up in about 15 minutes”
“Oh they’re real, and they’re spectacular!”
George Costanza: I’ve discovered something even better than conjugal visit sex… fugitive sex. Now, it’s like every time
Jerry: George, this is a little too much for me. Escaped convicts, fugitive sex… I’ve got a cockfight to focus on.
@creative1 Good one! And when Kramer’s getting ready to give Little Jerry his bath and he’s heating up the water, Jerry says, “Ah, Kramer, be careful!”
the tractor story
Girlfriend: Unfortunately, I didn’t have a partner. I got gonorrhea from a tractor.
Jerry: You got gonorrhea from a tractor? And you call that the tractor story?
Girlfriend: Yeah, my boyfriend said I got it while I was riding the tractor in my bathing suit.
Jerry: All right, that’s it for me. You’ve been great. Good night, everybody.
George, on not believing that the girl is going to call who met up with Jerry at the ATM (he’s racing her: “Processing, processing…I win!)
“She asked for your number. I think she’s going to get in touch with you.”
“Okay, I’m telling you right now. If you’re kidding around I’m not going to be able to be your friend anymore. I’m serious about that. You got that?”
“I’ve got no problem with that.”
“Good, because if this is a lie, if this is a joke, if this is your idea of some cute little game, we’re finished.”
“Expect a call.”
“Oh my god, he’s not kidding.”
“Now I should tell you that at this point she’s under the impression that you’re a…”
“A what?”
“A marine biologist.”
I had to cheat and look this one up, but it’s one of my favorites!
@yankeetooter Don’t you love when he plays a marine biologist and he has to take the golf ball from the whales blow hole….. and Kramer was hitting golf balls into the ocean LOL
“You know whales are the heaviest mammal, but they don’t have to be…”
When Kramer’s face is haggard from smoking
Jerry: It’s from all that smoke. You’ve experienced a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours. What did you expect?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, emphazema, birth defects, cancer… but not this! Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure… my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.
Jerry: And your teeth… they’re all brown.
Cosmo Kramer: Look away. I’m hideous.
“Sand! I’ve got sand everywhere, Jerry!”
Frank Costanza: You have the rooster, the hen, and the chicken. The rooster goes with the chicken… So who’s having sex with the hen?
Kramer: “Now who wants to have some fun?”
George and Jerry: I do
Kramer: Now, do you really want to have fun, or are you just saying you want to have fun?
George: I really want to have some fun!
Jerry: I’m just saying that I want to have fun!
That episode was so awesome. It had Golden Boy in it, and Yuri Testakov (sp), “War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing, hunh!”
And , “Why couldn’t you make me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect!”
When Kramer has a vanity plate, “Assman”, and parks in a reserved hospital zone
Security guard: Can I help you?
Cosmo Kramer: [points to his license plate] Uh, yeah, Doctor Cosmo Kramer. Proctology.
“And you want to be my latex salesman!”
@yankeetooter he runs from the bathroom to get the phone from Kramer
@yankeetooter I am trying to remember that
Kramer “Now who wants to have some fun?”
George and Jerry: I do
Kramer: Now, do you really want to have fun, or are you just saying you want to have fun?
George: I really want to have some fun!
Jerry: I’m just saying that I want to have fun!
“George!, I’m hungry!” when George won’t go get his mother a sandwich when she’s in the hospital because he wants to watch the sponge bath…(The Contest)
There was shrinkage (after swimming in the cold ocean)
@creative1 It was the same episode where Kramer wanted them to drive golf balls with him down at the beach…
@yankeetooter He’s starring at the nurse giving a sponge bath to a patient
“Do women know about shrinkage?”
Elaine: What, do you mean laundry or something?
George: No, down there…
Elaine: It shrinks? (laughing) Boy, I don’t know how you guys put up with that thing…
Later on, there’s another episode where George is questioning his sexual orientation, and his mother is in the hospital again. This time, it’s a male nurse giving a male patient a sponge bath…
@MyNewtBoobs That’s the one where Kramer suspects Newman of cheating at risk, so he carries the board everywhere…
Who would move to a non-pony country?
What about the valet that smelled
Elaine: Jerry, it’s B.O.
Jerry: But the whole car smells.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: So when somebody has B.O., the “O” usually stays with the “B”. Once the “B” leaves, the “O” goes with it.
@MyNewtBoobs Lol! My mother had a pony, my sister had a pony…I love ponies!
@creative1 This is worse than B.O., this is B.B.O, beyond B.O.
This is the most fun I’ve had all day!
@yankeetooter yes I was missing someone and this made me forget all about it and just laugh
Omg Elaine buys the last case of the Sponge
And Susan is going to have makeup sex with George, but she’s out of the sponge…and they actually go to Elaine’s apartment so George can ask her for some Sponges…
Remember George having to use condoms with Susan because she used the sponge
I can’t get it open! (struggles with the package, Susan is trying to help him…)
Who are you missing @creative1 ? If I’m being too nosy, just hit me with another quote, and we’ll pretend I never asked…
“These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
“So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle, and you think to yourself, ‘What the hell, I’ll just eat some trash.’”
“No no no no no. It was not trash.”
“Was it in the trash?”
“Yes.”
“Then it was trash.”
“It wasn’t down in. It was sort of on top.”
“But it was in the cylinder.”
“Above the rim.”
“Adjacent to refuse is… refuse.”
“It was on a magazine. And it still had the doily on.”
“Was it eaten?”
“One little bite.”
“Well, that’s garbage.”
“But I know who took the bite. It was her aunt.”
“Well, you, my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.”
Someone just sent me the above on another forum…
@yankeetooter Just someone I talked to online but never actually met
What about when he stole the marble rye and put it on the fishing hook and George had to reel it in
Oh, ok. Just asking because I was concerned…:)
George Costanza: So I’m the bad boy. I’ve never been the bad boy before.
Jerry: Why not? You’ve been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend…
George Costanza: Yes, yes, yes…
Jerry: The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk…
George Costanza: OK, the point is made.
Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen…
[George leaves]
Jerry: The bad tipper.
That was the one with the horse and cart, and Kramer fed the horse Beefarinom and it got gas…
oh yes and Susan’s parents in the back
So they get back early, and that’s how they catch George trying to reel in the marble rye…
What about after Susan Died and George is buying invitations for Jerry’s Girlfriend
Sales Clerk: Have you been in here before?
George Costanza: About a year ago. Wedding invitations.
Sales Clerk: How did that work out?
George Costanza: No complaints.
Then there’s the one where they stop to buy the babka for dessert, and George is wearing the bubble coat, and knocks over a bunch of wine in the liquor store…Cinnamon babka plays second fiddle to no babka…
the black and white cookie
what about the jesus fish on puddy’s car
Elaine is freeked out because there is christian rock on the radio
Yes, and then he’s running up the stairs to get Jerry the invitations (he’s late because he stopped to play frisbee golf) and on the way down he slips on one of the invitations that fell, and the “Summer of George” is ruined…“With a lot of hard work and rehabilitation, and if he’s lucky, he may walk again…” And it’s the same doctor as in the Junior Mint episode…
Ah…the black-and-white cookie!
George Costanza: So did you give that radio the ol’ switcheroo?
Elaine: I did.
Jerry: And the Christian rock?
Elaine: Resurrected.
And in the background, Elaine’s co-worker, who doesn’t swing her arms, ala Racquel Welsh, is doing rehabilitation. That was the episode with the cat fight…
Cat fight and even the police officers were like cat fight
Morty Seinfeld: We just came for the funeral.
Helen Seinfeld: Poor Marvin Kessler. He went too early.
Jerry: He was 96 years old.
Morty Seinfeld: And that had nothing to do with it. The man was out of shape.
How about the backwards episode, where they kept going further back in time, and finally at the end they show Kramer coming over for the first time, and Jerry tells him, “Hey! Help yourself. We’re neighbors. What’s mine is yours!”
What about Festivus for the Rest of Us with the Pole
Donations were made in your name to the Human Fund
My favorite of George’s good pick-up lines (and there weren’t many)
They’re in the antique shop, because George needs to get his parent’s coffee table refinished, due to Jerry leaving his mug on it without a coaster. A woman who works there comes up and asks George if he and Jerry are collectors…George says, “That’s right! We see objects of great beauty, and we must have them!”
Jerry donated to the Volcano Relief Fund on his first date with Elaine to impress her…
OMG Yes and he sleeps with her in his parents bed!
Don’t they find a bra or something?
Condom or condom wrapper and his mother freaks out
That’s the episode with the bike that Elaine wants, and then she has to give it to Kramer, because he (temporarily) fixes her neck…“From pain will come pleasure…”
Yes and isn’t that the Al Roker issue of TV Guide
Elaine borrowed Franks collectible TV Guide
I think so, yes, because Elaine needs something to read on the subway, and then she gets a gyro and drips all over it…
” Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” -George
And then she meets the creepy guy who collects TV Guides too…
Yes and he cuts it into a bouquet and takes it to Franks house for Elaine
How about the overdue library book, and the guy after Jerry is named Bookman?
What about Jerry’s 31 waist that is actually a 32 but he uses a marker to change
the size? Yes…and he gets someone’s number off an AID’s walk list, tells George, who tells Susan…and it gets back to the woman…That’s the same episode where Kramer refuses to wear the ribbon and gets beat up, but Jerry and Elaine think he looks so haggard because he was up all night playing poker…
Yes Kramer stays up all night playing poker and when he come in from the walk Jerrys says to Elaine Look at him, he calls himself a walker or something like that
One of my favorites, since I’m a huge Oriole fan, is the one where Elaine is invited to sit in the owner’s box at Yankee’s stadium, and she refuses to remove her cap and gets thrown out…
I would have worn my jacket too, lol!
George trying to get fired:
Spills food all over Babe Ruth’s jersey
Runs through the stadium “naked”-really “body suit man”
Yes, I’m in MD. How about you?
Boston Fan All the way across the board I grew up in MA
That’s okay-I like you anyway, lol! Now if you’d said you were a Yankee fan…lol!
At least you like baseball, something not everyone would say!
That would be my nephew though I keep trying ot convert him
I’m so psyched, because we’re 4–0. I think this year is going to be a lot better for the O’s…
Yeah, you can’t have Yankee fans in the family, lol!
LOL I agree but he’s a good kid so I forgive him for wearing the hat
Okay, I guess so…what’re you going to do-it’s family!
Ya got to love family even the yankee fans
if you don’t mind me asking how old are you? i’m 42
Ahh makes sense now around the same age for Seinfeld
What do you do, creative1?
I am taking classes right now to do Real Estate
I teach in an alternative school, but am just a teacher assistant. I’m going back to school to finish my teaching degree…
Do you mean do I have a Yahoo mail account…I don’t think so.
I’ll message you my e-mail, if you want, @creative1 .
I still love Seinfeld.
From the episode where Kramer goes to California (the quotes are my best recollections):
George: “So you’re really moving to California?”
Kramer: “Oh yeah, buddy!”
Kramer, pointing to his own head: “Up here, I’ve already gone!”
my answer when J0E asked this in 2009:
“What are you looking at? You never seen a kid in a bubble before?”
same episode: “Moops” @MyNewt just saw your answer, sorry I’m slow this morning and on pain killers ;)
No problem-sorry you’re not feeling well…
If you can’t say anything bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
I’m not a lesbian! I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian!
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