General Question

dallas44's avatar

Signs Your girlfriend is Cheating?

Asked by dallas44 (50points) April 20th, 2008 from iPhone

What are some signs your girlfriend is cheating?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

26 Answers

lovelyy's avatar

this depends on how long you’ve been together.
1.if she seems different than usual it may or maynot mean shea cheating.
2.if she cancels on you a lot, thats a big sign.
3.if you guys are fighting a lot, thats not good.
I need to know more about the situation.

dallas44's avatar

well she is a dancer and hangs around alot of guys. she recently went to a dance party and we went to dinner later that week and a guy she met called her phone. When I asked her about it she said she gave it out for networking. Then we had a myspace page together and all her dancer friends mysteriously dissapeared from our friends list.

dallas44's avatar

we are in a long distance relationship and she has been really questioning everything I do, like I’m the one who has been cheating. And it made me think the ones who cheat are the one who are most protective of how ever you put it

peedub's avatar

Wait, is she a “dancer” dancer?

wildflower's avatar

Sounds to me like the two of you need to have a long open and honest chat about what you consider acceptable behavior in your relationship. Clearly you both suspect and mistrust the other. Given the circumstances (long distance and the mistrust), I think the best thing you can do is confront it head-on…...ask her, why is she suspicious of you, where does she draw the line on friendly/flirting/cheating and let her know where you stand…..after that you’ll know what the story is.

Maverick's avatar

if she’s female, then there’s a pretty good chance she’s cheating on you. :p

wildflower's avatar

Do we detect a hint of bitterness there maverick….?

to add to that line of thinking…...if you’re male, you probably suspect her of cheating, afterall, a thief suspects everyone of stealing..

Maverick's avatar

Didn’t you see the smiley? C’mon, don’t be hatin’

wildflower's avatar

lol…..just going along with your train of thought :p

sndfreQ's avatar

Okay, I’m with peedub on this-when you mention “dancer” and “hangs around with a lot of guys,” do you mean professional/commercial dancer or exotic ‘dancer’? Which part of the movie Flashdance are we talking about here: beginning or end? (BTW is that too old skool of a reference for you?)

Or I can put this another way: are there posters of Alvin Ailey or Jennifer Berkeley hanging on the walls in her flat?

sndfreQ's avatar

Edit: Elizabeth Berkley, not Jennifer ^^

gorillapaws's avatar

doesn’t look too good from where I’m sitting. You guys have some serious talking to do. Just be sure to not turn it into a fight get emotional or angry, that’s not going to get you anywhere.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

I agree with lovelyy
If she’s elusive, puts more effort elsewhere then your relationship possible.
Sounds like possible myspace drama in the distance too.
With dating it comes with the territory and being a “dancer” could indicate foul play.
Talk it out. Good luck.

scamp's avatar

It doesn’t look good to me from the little bit I’ve read here. How far away are you? You said it’s a long distance relationship. How often do you see her? If she is so mistrusting of you, to sounds to me like the pot calling the kettle black. I think you tow shold have a long talk.

dallas44's avatar

haha, no she’s not an exotic dancer. She dances for a professional basketball team. I live in Dallas and she is in Sacramento. We’ve had a long conversation and I’ve confronted her about it. She said she deleted them off our page cause she was mad at them but failed to delete them from her page. When ever I mention this she always says “I thought we already talked about this and its in the past” like she wants to move on. Then I actually made up a story to see her reaction. I said one of my friends saw her at dance practice all flirty with someone else. She got real defensive and said

dallas44's avatar

how do they know me. See I think she hangs with the dancers cause they are not in our circle of friends and I don’t know any of them. But when I told her that she Got mad and said ” you can believe whatever you want but you should believe your own girlfriend over someone you barely even know. Then I said your right. I believe you and we should confront this person for lying to me. So I said wed call them on 3 way. And she said there is no need just let them think what they want. To me I felt she was scarred that this fictional person actually knew something. So I said I’m waiting for him to call me back. And she never brought it up again. If that was me I would be dying to talk to this person who is spreading these so called rumors

wildflower's avatar

If you keep using the same incident to start up the conversation, it will just seem like you don’t believe or trust her.
Let the incident go, but suggest you have a talk about setting boundaries, and be open about both your behaviors around others. I have friends who flirt left, right and center, but would never in a million years cheat, and others who barely dare look at others, but have cheated on partners…....people are different and what’s normal behavior isn’t the same for everyone, but the two of you need to know what each of you find acceptable and should expect of the other and then decide if you can make it work (i.e. are your views compatible)
At the end of the day, you may never find out for sure, but if you have a thorough discussion around it, you will know how you feel about it and that should help you decide what you want to do.

scamp's avatar

Hmm, I’m not sure I could be in a relationship with so much mistrust and head games. It just doesn’t seem healthy to me to have to trick someone into getting answers. I don’t think you are ever going to know for sure what’s going on unless you see it for yourself. I hope you are able to get this worked out, but I think you’re going about it the wrong way.

I think you should both be straightforward and honest if this is ever going to work.

dallas44's avatar

thanx for all your guy’s help. I have been going about it the wrong way. I’m going to fry all of your opinions from being straighfoward and setting boundries of what’s acceptable. but its just hard knowing that there is a possibilty she has cheated on me and I may never know.

scamp's avatar

I wish you all the best! I hope things work out for you.

webmasterwilliam's avatar

Your natural instinct is the best indicator. Your spidey senses will tell you what’s going on. LISTEN to them!!!!!!

Then, just make a clean break. Don’t look back. Don’t try to fix it. Once it’s over, man-up, lick your wounds, and go forward with your life. Do not be pathetic and wimpy about the situation. Hold your head up high as you walk away. The only backward reflection you should do is to see what problems you brought into the relationship and avoid those things in your next relashionship.

This is part of life and maturing. Love yourself so that others can love you too. You can’t expect others to love you if you are afraid to love yourself first.

unknown4645's avatar

hello there. I work month on and month off. so i’m away 4 weeks at a time. Now listen to this. My girlfriend and I are together for 3 years now. Excuse my english – south african, white male, age 22. anyway her farher recienltly decided that he wants to be friends with this girl age 18 and a friend (male) age 25. Sounds sick to me? Im a hard worker and earn a agreeable large salary. She hated the thought of them being there but now suddenly while Im away she decided that she likes to be in there conversation. They drink till 6 in the morning and sometimes sleep over. She never drinks wine with me (though she hardly ever drinks at all) and the other day when I phoned her she was over the limit due to a sudden taste for wine. Agreable yes. When I told her that I don’t like the situation and asked her to please rather go to a club or visit some friend. She then came up with a lot of excuses. The fact that I’m away for a month at a time and her seeing her mother only once a year explaines alot. She knows my situation and knows that I need to this but why suddenly no sms’s during there visit. the need to be in there converstation (as where she told me that he is not a bad person if you start learning him) and the sudden request from me to help him to find a job. The guy is long and realy thin (to thin if you ask me), he does’nt have a proper job and worst of all he’s got a child. When I asked her what was going. She said that this month away is’nt good for our relationship and that all this pain she feels makes her hold back or amune to it. She also said Im over reacting but to make it worst she was the one over reacting. I asked her if she rather wanted to email me when they visit and that I want to phone her. It went well that evening but I knew that she would eventially say good night and go join there conversation. She did mention that they want her to join there converstation and that it is a bit creepy inside the house for her. I said go ahead even though I did’nt want her to go. Her words then were “no! email me now!” and heard nothing further from her that evening. From then I keep by distance and tell her how great she is and how much I love her

Tell me am I wrong? Cause I realy do love her alot and she is not a bad person

unknown4645's avatar

O ya. This friends of her father visit twice a week. Wednesday and Saturday evenings. Now my worst days of the week. Sorry needed to mention that she still stays with her father

sndfreQ's avatar

@unknown: First off, welcome to Fluther! I think you will find this place to be full of genuine, honest and forthright people. May I say with due respect, perhaps you need to re-state your situation as a new question in the main Fluther site, rather than in another discussion. Also, doing so will open up your question to a broader audience who will give you a more varied response.

As for the situation as you describe it, it sounds like the ship is already sinking. Although feelings are real, the love you feel may be too much for her to commit to. You both are young, and the situation may not be tenable for your (or her) level of maturity. Rather than string yourself along, try and consider the possibility that you’re both better off being solo. Your career obligations are atypical, and it would take a strong character to be able to survive that kind of relationship. Last word-talk to your other mates on the ship about their relationships and how they deal with the separation…seems to be common in certain lines of work like police and firefighters to have that problem or dynamic in relationships. But there are women out there who want that kindbof relationship, that works for them…good luck with that!

unknown4645's avatar

thanks alot. First time on site. Definitly a great site. Sometimes dificult to discuss at work.
Will do so.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

With a long distance relationship it is hard to tell if she is cheating because many of the clues you’d have if you were in contact with each other are not there. If you were together and she gets calls she has to have in private but is evasive or low on details. You do not get to see how she acts when she conversates with other guys. Not having time to spend in familiar company on a regular basis it hard to pick up on the slight subtleties that would point to her interest being directed to another and not you.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther