General Question

DavidM's avatar

How to "get in the game"?

Asked by DavidM (13points) April 21st, 2008 from iPhone

I have no idea how to meet or start dating. I am 17, what is the best way to meet a girl

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15 Answers

kevbo's avatar

Read my favorite book about women. I wish I had read it at your age instead of at 32. If you follow even 10% of the advice in the book, you’ll do very well.

nikipedia's avatar

@kevbo: Just read the excerpt on amazon and unless I’m misunderstanding something I’m totally disappointed :( I would be heartbroken if a guy I was dating was trying to manipulate me.

kevbo's avatar

It’s not written for women, and it works. Plus, it teaches all the crap that women complain men never do. So, pick your poison.

And you’re implying that women never manipulate men?

scamp's avatar

@nikipedia I read the excerpt too, and I didnt see anything manipulative about it. Kevbo is a compassionate man, so it must not be a bad book if he recommends it so highly. But this isn’t helping the asker.

@DavidM , Just be yourself. girls can see right through a phony apporach. when you see a girl you like, find out what she likes to do, and ask her if she would like to do it with you. It’s ok to be nervous. Girls find that kind of cute. Good luck!

nikipedia's avatar

I disagree with the idea that you can say “all women complain about/want x”. I just don’t think human beings work that way. I’m sure women manipulate men all the time, and I don’t condone that either.

So my answer to the original question is: be a great person and learn to like that person. Other people will like you too.

kevbo's avatar

a) sorry to be snappy. I’m on the iPhone.

b) “be yourself” is good advice but a little misleading. If women took that advice, they wouldn’t wear cosmetics. If I was being myself on a first date, I wouldn’t dress up, and I’d create all manner of noises. There’s a difference between being yourself and putting on your best face. Similarly, there’s a difference between expressing your wonderful personality and seducing or romancing someone. The book does an excellent job of teaching the latter in a way that is easier for guys to understand. Women get the benefit of one less clueless guy on the market.

Can’t erase below…

for guys to understand

Allie's avatar

Tip #1: Be yourself. Don’t try to be something you’re not cause then you’ll attract girls that you have no common interests with.

nikipedia's avatar

“Similarly, there‚Äôs a difference between expressing your wonderful personality and seducing or romancing someone.”

Why is the latter > the former?

soundedfury's avatar

@kevbo – You’re implying that you can’t be yourself and exhibit some sort of gentility. The two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

“Be yourself” is excellent advice, in that you don’t want to try to be things you aren’t in order to obtain approval. You can still dress up, focus on your good points and avoid social faux pas while being yourself. However, my advice is to find the parts of you that you like the most and express those. If you like them, you’ll want to find someone who likes them as well.

@nik – They aren’t even different things. My experience is that the women you want are always seduced by your personality more than anything else.

scamp's avatar

I have to disagree with part of kevbos’s remark about cosmetics etc. A woman can be herself with or without makeup, as well as a guy can no matter what he wears. I was talking about personality, not looks. If you dress up for a date and withhold the “noises” you refer to on the first date, you aren’t being yourself. It’s like trying to make a silk purse from a sows ear. sooner or later the real person comes out, and there may not be a second date.

When I agree to date someone, I want to date the man, not phony up version of him.

wildflower's avatar

I think there’s a lot to be said for middleground…...even though you don’t want to be fake, you may not want to reveal all of yourself straight away either.
We all know impressions count – like it or not, we form opinions of people based on what they present to us, so it’s about paying attention to what you present, making sure you present true parts of yourself that you want to come across.
Let’s face it, girls don’t want to have a bad hair day when they go on a first date with a guy they fancy and blokes probably don’t want to show up at the girls house with their fly undone…...we want to make good impressions, whilst being ourselves.

So, my advice: think about your self image and focus on presenting yourself in the way you would like to be perceived – but do not deceive.

kevbo's avatar

@nik the latter isn’t greater than the former, but they’re not exactly the same thing and both are important.

If “be yourself” was working (not picking on you Scamp, it’s just the best wording), the young man wouldn’t have a need to ask the question.

If we discount the examples of cosmetics and other appearance-based arguments, there’s still the matter of learning how to talk to women in a manner that is appreciated, and that isn’t natural for many guys, because what seems natural is to talk to them like they do their buddies. Life can be painful without that understanding.

Also, the book I recommend does preach be thyself and know thyself as well as not losing yourself for the sake of a girl’s approval. It also says if you want X, you’ll do Y, it’s always your choice. Also, it’s based on interviews with 300–400 women and their likes and dislikes when it comes to dating.

to them like they do their buddies.

scamp's avatar

I agree kevbo, and I don’t feel picked on. I wasn’t getting my thoughts worded properly. We all know that we want to look nice for our dates. I think our personalities and the way we treat each other holds more importance.
I just think the young man wants to know how to act more than how he should look. He can be dressed to the nines, but if he says something pushy or stupid, all is lost, know what I mean?

jamzzy's avatar

the key to START dating is very simple. the big targets are public gatherings. example would be like the gym. the reason why public gatherings are the best is because think of high school. where basically all you would have to do is tell someone you thought someone was hot and by next week the whole school+ the girl would know.

aweav's avatar

As a chick in my early 20’s, I’d say the best way to impress a girl is to leave all notions of masculinity behind. Most girls (at least those who are worth your time) find displays of physical prowess to be a huge turn-off. Don’t impress us with your bodies and your masculinity, guys. Dazzle us with your minds: your creativity, your sense of humor, your unique personality. We don’t care if you can bench more, drink more, or play video games better than other guys. We care whether or not you respect us, whether or not you’re interested in knowing us deeper than our skin.

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