Can you accept help?

I can’t. I would almost rather die than accept anyone else’s help. I hate the idea of owing anyone anything. The only circumstances where I can accept help are when I am giving them as much as they give me. Like a support group. We all need. We all give.

Otherwise, I prefer to help others, so my side of the balance sheet is always positive. I’d never call in a favor, but I like knowing I don’t have to feel obligated to someone.

I hate the idea of owing anyone anything most when I’m depressed. I tend to prefer to go off in a corner by myself, where people don’t have to worry about me. Of course they do worry, so it does no good, but I try hard to hide any pain so no one will be concerned.

It’s pretty fucked up, but I don’t want to burden anyone.