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creative1's avatar

What are some of the things you do to develop self acceptance of yourself?

Asked by creative1 (12030points) April 30th, 2011

This was inspired by a question previously asked this week question link

Such as:
* *Allowing yourself to listen to other people’s opinions and objections without holding grudges and learn to tolerate.
**Refusing to measure yourself to people’s expectations.
**Taking care of yourself and do not wait for others to do it for you.
**Accepting compliments from others and believe that they are true.

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6 Answers

marinelife's avatar

One of the best things I ever did for my self esteem was to work with the book Self Parenting, which brings to your consciousness your inner dialogue.

Cruiser's avatar

When you start to measure yourself against others expectations is when you loose control over your own destiny….big mistake.

wundayatta's avatar

Last night some told me they thought I should change to way I play my instrument. It took me a while to figure out they had not idea what they were talking about. They didn’t play my instrument and they were trained to run the workshop. Of course, during this time, I was pretty furious, and my neck was tight as if someone was strangling me. I was trying to get my head together so I could get into the music instead of obsessing on this guys comments.

The music was pretty weird during this time. This other guy, a drummer, kept on bursting out with these senseless bursts of loud quick drumming that kind of had little to do with what others were doing. He seemed to be trying to get things going, but his little tricks didn’t work.

A couple of times the leaders of the workshop asked me to play. I told them what had happened. The leaders told me to play while this other jerk said I should shutup. Still, it took me a while to get out of my messed up head space into a place where I could begin to play. This guy had destroyed my confidence even though he knew nothing.

Finally, I started trying to play a few notes. Up until that point, a lot of people had been having trouble with the music. When I started playing, it seemed to me that things started to coalesce, and we moved into new and more interesting musical spaces. Gradually my confidence came back, The other dude didn’t seem to play so much.

I tend to beat myself up for being bad. I know that judging myself really does me no good, but I can’t help it. I want to please so much and being told I don’t please just takes me right into a really bad head space. I really can’t do anything at such a time.

At least now I recognize what is happening. I knew that I could choose to be morose for the rest of the evening in a kind of passive-aggressive effort to make him feel guilty or something. Then I considered just telling him what I wanted after the workshop. Eventually, I decided that if we talked, I would tell him I didn’t want his unsolicited advice. Don’t do it again.

He came over after and asked if he had offended me, and I said yes. He wanted to defend himself, but I didn’t care. I just told him not to do it again. It looked like he was upset, but he said it was over. I think he maybe apologized.

I don’t usually defend myself like that. I try to understand the other person’s point of view and I tend to assume, believe it or not, that other people know better than I do. It takes a big effort to stick to my guns. It’s easier on fluther because I don’t have to see people, and I can always not respond. There’s plenty of other things to think about.

It’s harder to accept yourself when there is a very delicate balance between you and the others. If you assert yourself or act selfishly, you can easily destroy what you’re trying to build. You have to care what others think. If you don’t, you’re history.

I can accept myself when I believe I have some skill and sensitivity and I know that others respect or appreciate what I do. When someone doesn’t appreciate me, it really hurts and makes me doubt myself. In order to come back, I have to come to peace with the criticism in some way. I to feel worthy of being a member of the group. In this case, I realized that the guy didn’t know what he was talking about, plus I had invitations from other people in the group that went totally against his “advice.”

It’s very difficult, because most situations where we need to accept ourselves are not clearcut about whether we are contributing or destroying a group we care about. It is hard to get information because people may not be willing to provide information because they don’t want to hurt you. They know that being hurt can be disastrous for musicians. So you have to read each other’s minds. It’s hard, but if the only way you can communicate is through music, which isn’t like words, you have to be able to intuit what others think. Not easy.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Practice objective observation of your “mind chatter”. Mind chatter is the continual ongoing commentary we allow to endlessly drone and often dictates how we feel about…everything.

Unfortunately, we become so identified with it that we misinterpret what it is. Instead of simply using it as a source of cheap entertainment, we identify with it and allow it to dominate. In fact, we’re so intimate with mind chatter that we’ve given it a pet name.


The fact is, you don’t need to develop “self”. Your true self does quite nicely on it’s own without interference from you. You wouldn’t know this, however, because you’ve probably spent your entire life allowing your true self be dominated by your false self…that ridiculous mind chatter.

Mind chatters loves using you to entertain it. It’s favorite pastime is convincing you that whoever you are or whatever you have is not enough. It’s keeps you busy running to and fro…wanting. It doesn’t matter what you want…as long as it isn’t what you have.

So the best way to “develop self acceptance” is to simply notice the mind chatter.

With enough practice, it’ll get bored with you and go away.

SABOTEUR's avatar

For more information about “simply observing” mind chatter, see Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson.

lookingglassx3's avatar

I used to lack self confidence. However, I found help in a magazine, which advised to remember some of the nicest compliments you’ve recieved and to set them as the wallpaper on your phone, or maybe stick it as a post-it note on your wardobe door or mirror; somewhere you are guaranteed to see it often. I also look to celebrities as role models; celebrities who don’t care what people think of them and who are comfortable with who they are. I relate to a lot of music which helps; I like listening to ‘Not Pretty Enough’ by Kasey Chambers if I’m having an ‘off day’; songs like that remind me I’m not the only one who can feel down or unhappy with myself. If I’m paranoid about what others think of me, I just remind myself that everyone’s standards are different so it’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations. I’d rather live by my standards and be happy, than live to someone else’s and be fake. :)

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