General Question

freestyletrue's avatar

I feel a lot of relationship anxiety, What can I do to help?

Asked by freestyletrue (126points) May 7th, 2011

I don’t know why, but I feel a lot of anxiety about my relationship. We’ve been going out for 8 months, and I ought to feel secure, I have no reason to NOT feel fine, but for some reason, there is a small, minuscule situation where I think I might have offended my boyfriend or I might have said something in a bad way, and I become very sad. For example, I say I find a favorite show of his boring, and he asks how I could find it so. I become very sad. When we first started going out, I constantly questioned his feelings, is this something along those lines?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

13 Answers

KateTheGreat's avatar

Can you tell us how old you both are first? There are a bit different answers depending on what age you’re at.

freestyletrue's avatar

(No, I’m 16)

freestyletrue's avatar

I’m looking for help, not accusations, if you had read that, you would have seen it was written in 2009.

Vunessuh's avatar

Well, there obviously is a reason you don’t feel secure in the relationship.
Not enjoying a favorite show of his is only a difference in taste. It’s not really a big deal. If you become sad after telling him then maybe it’s your conscience telling you that you could have told him in a better, nicer way. Just talk to him about how you feel and apologize if you think it’s needed. Stop worrying about petty little differences like taste in television and focus more on your similarities. If you’re right for each other, you’ll both learn how to embrace each other’s differences over time. Good luck, hon. :)

everephebe's avatar

You know what’s more boring than his show?
Unnecessary anxiety.And that covers pretty much all anxiety in my opinion.

You should both be able to give and take criticism. Speaking your mind is ok. Tell him that you think he is interesting, but the show is not. You should be good. If you can’t do things like that, you’ll know that the relationship won’t work out. It’s better to know that sooner, rather than later.

If it’s just that you said something mean, say sorry and stop being so sad.

But you should be able to disagree with your boyfriend, and he should be able to accept that. Try to be diplomatic when you can. 8 months is a long time at your age, but it’s not going to make you feel truly safe or truly comfortable. Be comfortable with yourself first. You should be feel free to be yourself, and if you don’t, change that… immediately.

If he isn’t the person for you, or things don’t work out, then you will move on. But until then, don’t sabotage the relationship by being fearful. You will only be fulfilling the prophecy you made.

Cruiser's avatar

Being honest about how you feel about any dynamic in your relationships is no reason to ever feel sad. Don’t let anyone ever guilt you into feeling bad about what you feel!

woodcutter's avatar

sometimes when a female tells their boyfriend something they like doing is boring to them it is taken as an attempt to be manipulative in some way. This can be seen as a red flag in a start up. It could be that the two of you are aware of this, from each other? Eight months is by no means any kind of milestone especially at your age, dear.

flutherother's avatar

If he had been offended or angry that you didn’t like his favourite show that might have been a problem but he was curious. Maybe you found the show boring but your boyfriend doesn’t find you boring or he wouldn’t have asked why you didn’t like it. You are worried about your boyfriend’s feelings for you, but what about your feelings for your boyfriend? Can you love someone with such poor taste? Are you sure you are interested in him?

BarnacleBill's avatar

Do you only feel anxious with your boyfriend, or are you anxious about other things? Do you feel that, if you disagree with your boyfriend, he might break up with you? If you don’t feel this way with other people, it’s very possible that it’s not you, but the relationship. It sounds like something could be off. Perhaps this is not the right guy for you, or perhaps you’re not quite ready for a long term relationship. Dating for 8 months at age 16 is a long time to be going out.

Afos22's avatar

You could break up with him. That would kill the anxiety for good.

gailcalled's avatar

When you have an opinion, which should be much of the time, choose your words carefully.

“Boring” is a loaded term. If you say, “Personally, I didn’t find that very interesting,” you are making an entirely different statement.

If you have chronic anxiety, now would be a good time to examine it, look at the root causes and find solutions that work for you.

If I could go back in time and change one thing, it would have been to see a therapist when I was a teen-ager. All that angst, all that fretfulness, all that narcissism, all those blinders, all that wasted time and energy. Hell, I coulda been a contender.

lookingforwhy's avatar

I know how that feels. I been there and I got through it. You guys need to have some kind of talk where you be open to him. Tell him how you feel about hurting him. He needs to be also honest with you too and tell you when something actually hurts him. More likely, you’re over panicking this but its always better to be save than sorry. But if this doesn’t help, think about where the trust stands between you both and think about if it’s worth it. Me and my ex didn’t last because of the trust between us even though we been together about a year and a half. It became too complicated for us and we ended up killing each other by hurting each other. So confront him and ask.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther