Social Question

chfarr's avatar

Bettering Myself?

Asked by chfarr (91points) May 8th, 2011

I need a change, i need to become more outspoken, make new friends, be more positive, and basically feel alive! I have started off reading this book “Today we are rich” which seems to make a lot of sense so far, do you have any pointers? Last week i tried to put myself out there and go to a “hip” place most people go to on my own but that didnt turn out so great :)

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15 Answers

poisonedantidote's avatar

Go volunteer at an old peoples home to put on a game of bingo and a 15 minute comedy show once a week.

I am quite an introverted person, but recently started a new job as a hotel entertainment manager, part of my job requires me to do some entertaining. It has made me much more extroverted and sociable.

creative1's avatar

When I was a kid I never had to learn to make friends because my brothers friends became my friends and always accepted me at being part of their group. However when he graduated 2 years earlier than I, I was faced with no friends left at school and not really knowing how to. So I learned quickly you need to just start talking to people and be open and nice to them and they it will be returned.

I am pretty outgoing now and I always make it a point of saying hi to everyone and try to have a smile on myself. When I go to a place by myself I tend to just start chatting with people about something I see going on at the time. If there is something on tv at the bar I will talk about that if its interesting or it can be about the food. Now that I have kids I chat with the parents on the way in and out of school.

chfarr's avatar

thanks for both your answers @poisonedantidote im looking at volunteer work in my area as we speak, @creative1 i do try and be open and say hi to people the problem i get is what happens after its like i reach point blank and have no idea what to say and then comes the awkward silence! which i dread!

creative1's avatar

Look at what they are wearing, do you like their shoes, purse, do you have a blouse they have or like anything they are wearing??? I notice my daughter has now picked this up from me even though she is adopted, people love to talk about themselves and how they aquired something. Makes for great conversation starters…..My daughters favorite thing to talk about is shoes she will notice when someone at school gets a new pair and will ask them about them, where they got them and such its so cute she is only 3.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Great time to join a club or take a class in something you’ve always been interested in.

Or become a TV Evangelist.

There is a web site (forget what it is). But it has listings of all sorts of different social clubs that you can join. Somebody here knows what it is… I can’t remember it. All sorts of activities available.

Coloma's avatar

The trick is to be yourself and find others that share your interests.
Do not EVER bend yourself into something you are not just to please others, find friends or, and this is really important, for any romantic relationship!

If you pretend to be intested in someone or something you are not the relationship can never be genuine as it will be contrived from the get go.

Relax, and in the meantime learn to enjoy your own company while looking for new friends and activities.

Being happy and comfortable with yourself is paramount!

Good luck….you can do it, and yes…keep putting the positive spin on things!

I am 50 and just let go of a friend that no longer was serving my best interests.

Get ready to re-invent yourself MANY times as you traverse your life path!

OUT with the old and IN with the NEW!

Sunny2's avatar

I really agree with @Coloma Look for something to do that will interest you and you’ll find people who are interested in that too. That makes talking easier right there. “How did you get interested? How long? What do you like best about it?” You’ll have a new place to go and new people to meet. Classes, activities, service groups, church groups,sports teams, are all good places to meet people. You’re on your way already. Good luck!

Buttonstc's avatar


I think you’re referring to:

They have all different types of interest groups and if you don’t see any topics that interest you, you can start one of your own.

I was amazed at the variety of choices and areas of interest.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Yup that’s IT!!! @Buttonstc is a STAR!!!

chfarr's avatar

Wow thanks for the site! Its real cool even though I only found three in my country!! haha I think I should also consider moving haha ;)

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Or start your own group. It could be based upon such simple self improvements as your OP states:

Join the Wanderers: “to become more outspoken, make new friends, be more positive, and basically feel alive!”

Don’t think for a second that there aren’t thousands of others who feel exactly the same way as you do.

Find the others.

Coloma's avatar

Build it and they will come! lol
I’m starting a writers/poets group in my area right now!

chfarr's avatar

thanks to all for your great suggestions! im already starting to feel hopeful for a better me! :)

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

You’ve got the mission statement down already pretty good!


Hibernate's avatar

Start small.
Don’t go for all from the beginning.
Take baby steps.
A bit each day.

For instance when deciding to go where most people go at first just go there and look around a bit and then leave for a while .. maybe return later… anyway when you go there don’t go in the middle, stay at a side.

When making friends start with someone who is very open so you won’t feel the silence wich comes after HI. Oh and do not ask questions that can be answered with yes or no .. ask about personal opinions. For instance ask them about their favourite band or a recent movie.

Who suggested volunteering was right but don’t start with that .. start talking with people first then go for it.

It’s good that you started here ^^ You’ll get some self confidence.

Good luck.

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