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ram6393's avatar

I don't bring my girlfriend around my friends as much as I probably should, is that bad?

Asked by ram6393 (13points) May 8th, 2011

First off, she’s met my inner circle of friends once and that was when she brought her friends along as well. We all had a great time and haven’t really hung out since. I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and half already and we’re going to college together in Waco. This is mostly due to the summer before senior year because I fucked up and had to fix our relationship. We just stuck to each other like glue since the summer and all senior year I’ve been with her or, occasionally, her friends as well. I don’t know why I’m like that, its just the way it is. When I asked her about it, she said it USED to bother when I didn’t bring her around my friends as much, but now shes used to it. That kills me inside, but its just…different with my friends. I honestly haven’t hung out with them in forever because I’ve just seemed to..outgrow them in a way. I mean sure, they’re still my boys and we’ve hung out a few times during senior year, but I’ve been with my girlfriend much more. She goes to school across town so I’m always in that area and never near my friends. Prom is coming up and I know my girlfriend is a bit nervous since she hasn’t been around my friends much. Am I wrong for this or is it justified? Help!!!!

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10 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

I’m a little confused about what you need help for. Is the question whether you should have your girlfriend hang out with your friends more? Or is it ok if you don’t let them hang out together? That’s the question I’m going to answer. I hope it’s the right one. But I’ve misunderstood questions before.

There is no should here. No one can tell you what to do. The person you need to talk to is your girlfriend. Does she want to see them, yes or no? If no, no problem. If yes, then you need to think about what your objection is. Why don’t you want her to see them? Can you articulate the reason?

Maybe it’s just a feeling—an intuition. You know they will get along fine, but you need a group of people who are for you, and you alone. You need a refuge where you can talk about everything. If she starts hanging out, then they might start telling her things you’re not sure she’s ready to hear yet. So if you keep her separate, you can control the flow of information better.

If that’s the problem, then you can explain to her that you want a place that is just yours. You know she gets along with your friends, but you need a place for you and just you. Most people need a place like that.

Now she may feel shut out of your life, or that you talk about her with your friends or all kinds of other stuff. So you just have to sort through that. Tell her what you need, and find out what she needs and negotiate a solution that works for you both. Be honest about your feelings, and it will be ok. If you hide stuff or try to get over on her, your relationship won’t last long. But there’s no need for you to hide, is there?

ram6393's avatar

Great answer, helped a bit, but I was asking if it’s wrong for me to do that. Is it wrong for me to not bring her around my friends as much? It’s not because I’m afraid of what they’ll say or anything like that, its just we’ve pretty much gone our separate ways. I mean sure, we’ll hang out occasionally, but even then, I feel distant now. I tried to explain that to my girlfriend, but she still has her doubts, she thinks I’m hiding something. I just feel bad for not having her around my friends as much, is that bad?

wundayatta's avatar

I refer you back to the first line of my second paragraph. There is no right or wrong here. There is only what is between you and her. You’ve explained to her that you’re not so close to your friends any more. She seems unsure. Have you asked her what she thinks your hiding?

You could volunteer to take her to see them and see how you relate to them. Or you could talk to her directly about the trust issue. What doesn’t she believe you? You don’t hang out with them much any more and you really don’t want to waste time introducing her to people who aren’t going to be in your life.

Let me emphasize again. This is about communication and trust, not about your pseudo-friends, and no one here can tell you what is right or wrong. Only you can choose that. If I were you, I wouldn’t think of it in those terms. I would think about my relationship and how me and my girlfriend can best build a future together.

ram6393's avatar

Damn…thanks, really, thank you very much. I’m new to this asking questions online thing, but I really needed help with this. Its between us, you’re right, so I’ll just talk to her and clarify any doubts she has. As for prom, she’ll be ok, we’ve discussed that since we were with her friends at dinner before for her prom, we’ll go solo for mine and take the rest of the night as it comes. Anyway, thank you very much for your answers, they are greatly appreciated.

wundayatta's avatar

You’re very welcome. Good luck. And have fun at the prom.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
BarnacleBill's avatar

There’s usually two reasons why a guy doesn’t bring a girl around his friends. One is the girl is a great girl but isn’t what his friends consider “hot” and he knows he’ll get ragged about her. The other is that the girl makes him be a better person than he is when he’s hanging out with his boys, and he likes the person he is when he’s with his girlfriend, but knows his friends won’t understand the change in him. I’m guessing it’s the later?

Most guys reach a point where their girlfriend becomes more important than hanging out with the guys. Prom will be easier if you make plans to do something with some of your friends who have girlfriends a few times before prom. Don’t make it a huge group, but a few couples at a time so she gets a chance to meet them and get to know them.

john65pennington's avatar

You are okay. You are just in love and it happens this way.

ram6393's avatar

To BarnicleBill, yes it is the latter. I just feel that my girlfriend has matured me in a huge way. I mean we’re going to Baylor together, I really do love and care for her. And john65pennington is so right, thank you very much.

BarnacleBill's avatar

I went to proms “back in the day” where I didn’t really know too many people, and I still had a pretty good time. If I recall, my date made arrangements to go to dinner with two other couples, and then we met up with a bigger group at the dance. Went out to breakfast, then to someone’s house.

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