What did you do when you had a boyfriend or girlfriend who wanted to keep the relationship platonic?

I’m not sure that I understand the question. Are you asking if someone we’ve dated wanted to exclude physical intimacy alltogether? Or am I misunderstanding?

Yep, many times, and very recently too!
My boss asked me out just the other day. We have a great working relationship and I was very upfront in letting him know that aside from an occasional dinner, hangout, that I had zero desire to be ‘more’ than the most casual of friends/work related relationship.

It was easy as I am not looking for any romantic relationship at this time, I like being single, I like not having to consider another after being married for a long time before.

It softened the situation by making it a generic…” I don’t WANT a relationship with ANYONE at this time.” He took it well, he’s a big boy and I’m a big girl. Easy…being adult about it, IF, you are emotionally an adult! lol

I would keep it platonic for a period of time if it was important to the girl. I would not keep it platonic forever, or until marriage.

I’ve asked this of a partner. I thought we could do it. He couldn’t. I understood.

I don’t think a man has ever asked me to be “platonic” (wait, once see below). I’m usually the one who steers it into that category. If I am not interested romantically in someone, it’s not fair to that person to lead them on. Platonic refers to “friendship” and non-romantic involvement (in my book anyway).

I remember only once being told that “perhaps we should just be friends” and it was painful, but I said, “fine” and we actually did become good friends…but not “platonic”. To be honest, many times the closest relationships that I have had with men do become platonic relationships.

The true platonic love is a love that is so wonderful between people that it transcends the physical and is just as satisfying (if not more ) than a physical relationship because it is anchored in the divine. It feels like this amazing consummation without sex…because you are connecting on a different level. (Can’t quite explain, but I am sure there are other jellies who know what I am talking about.)

I am happy to say that I have a few of those and they are joyous and fulfilling. Much more so than a regular relationship (at the moment anyway.)

The problem is that in today’s world…“let’s keep it platonic” is like a consolation prize. It’s what you get when someone doesn’t want to sleep with you (or that’s the contemporary definition.) Most times, it’s what someone says when they aren’t that into you. In an ideal world, the truth for that should be, “I’m not interested in you…let’s either part ways or just be friends.” Friendship is (to me) not necessarily connecting platonically…it’s a sort of agreement to hang out at times, or keep the lines of communication open.

Platonic love….is a bit more transcendent. (This is just my own interpretation of course.)

If my partner doesn’t want to touch at all (ie. not even kissing) then I sort of fail to see how he is a partner and not just a close friend. I mean, I know relationships are about more than the physical stuff, but I have friends with whom I am as emotionally close as a partner. I just wouldn’t really be able to view him romantically; it wouldn’t work.

@ANef_is_Enuf Yes, Someone you date wants to exclude physical intimacy.

When I was in high school, there was a girl I was really interested in, and in my nerdy way, I made time where we could be together by getting her to join the debate team, and then researching together. These were never dates, but I had hopes they could lead to something more.

Eventually, I told her I liked her and wondered if she’d be interested in a more intimate relationship. She told me that she was a Christian and would never have sex before marriage. Which was not what I wanted. We remained friendly after that—until the school year ended (it was my sr. year, so I was off to college after the summer). But I was not nearly as interested in her as I had been once I discovered she didn’t want to go that way. Also, I took it personally. It wasn’t really her religion, but that was a convenient excuse to keep me away.

Hmmm. How many other times has this happened in my life? “Let’s just be friends.” It always hurt me pretty badly, and the thought of being friends, for me, was like the thought of volunteering to be hung on the rack twelve hours a day. Well, maybe a bit worse. So, I usually went through a mourning process of sorts and eventually came to grips with it, so I didn’t have to die from it. But the relationships were always over at that point. Well, almost.

When I was sick a few years ago, I met someone and we had a fling for two or three days while I was at a conference in her town. After I got home, I started descending into a depression. My friend from the conference had a lot of experience with depression, so she helped me understand and stood in my corner.

Eventually, my mind just wasn’t thinking very sanely at all, and I confessed what I had done to my wife. So my wife knew about my fling, but even so, when I was talking about suicide, my wife was the one who suggested I call my fling. Except, but this time, we had decided we were better off as friends, and we would never again be sexual. Now she is, I think, my best friend.

So, different responses to the development of a platonic situation at different times of my life. Sometimes I struggled with this situation, but now it is much easier to be in platonic relationship even when those other feelings are there. Of course, there’s no choice these days, but even so, that doesn’t stop the more intimate feelings from developing. But now I can remain friends and happily so.

I had this type of relationship once and it was very frustrating because it just didn’t exist as a simple platonic thing. It began as he asked me out, we started seeing each other, we became friends and very infatuated together, we had sex only a few times and that’s when it blew up.

He was much younger and with definite plans for a marriage and family one day. He couldn’t see getting further involved and emotionally wrapped up since it would take him off track and keep me off the market for a relationship of my own with someone who wouldn’t need me to make children.

We are still friends, we still have no regrets about our adventure into romance and we respect each other for being true to what we really need in our lives. We both agree it was a little painful to step back from the comfort and companionship but better in the long run. A few years later and I have a wonderful partner I will marry soon and my friend is still single but true to his plans to marry a young woman who will build a family with him.