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JLeslie's avatar

If everything is equal would you adopt a baby or have a biological one?

Asked by JLeslie (56038points) May 12th, 2011

When I say equal, I mean really equal in terms of having/getting the baby. It will cost the same, you have to wait the same amount of time for the baby, being pregnant is not an issue at all or part of the consideration in this equation, it is simply a matter of having your own biological child or not.

I am interested to know why you chose what you chose? If you have children yourself, if so are they biological? Are you adopted?

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66 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I would choose a biological child because I enjoy being pregnant and that would be the only reason, not because I find it important to ‘pass on my bloodline’ or whatever. I have two biological children. I plan on having one more bio child and adopting one in the next decade or so. I, as far as I know, am not adopted. I am also assuming that ‘all things being equal’ means that the children are taken care of, the ones to be adopted that is. If there are kids out there in need of homes, just like in our world, I’d choose to adopt, actually since I have biological children and feel that I’ve been given the joys of pregnancy.

JLeslie's avatar

Pregnancy is not a consideration in this question.

wundayatta's avatar

Bio baby. I like myself enough to think that my children will make a positive contribution to the world. An adopted baby? I would have no idea. I want to be able to see myself in the child, and understand my child better. I believe that so much that we went through an IVF cycle twice in order to have kids. We wanted our kids. Not someone else’s.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Oh, well then I’d adopt.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Biological just because of the medical history being a known thing. Other than that either.

Vunessuh's avatar

Adopt because I plan on doing that anyway.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Bio, then adopt for a 2nd one. I’m just a damned sucker for the urge to procreate.

JLeslie's avatar

@JilltheTooth So, the order matters to you? Bio first then adopt?

ucme's avatar

I have two children, both biological wow, that sounds so cold. I’m more than happy with that arrangement. No more though, two is such a round number & one of each too!!

tinyfaery's avatar

Adopt. I could never bring a life into this overcrowded, fucked-up world.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@JLeslie : Probably not so much in a perfect world, but in my life it played out that if I couldn’t conceive, I’d adopt. I had both processes in the works at the same time, and my desire was more for having my own biological, but that may have also been the weird obsessional mindset that goes with infertility. At this point, I don’t think I could make a purely logical choice.

Aethelwine's avatar

If pregnancy is out of the question, what about breastfeeding?

Judi's avatar

There is something about seeing your reflection in that little face….

creative1's avatar

I adopted 2 out but would truly love to experience pregnancy and would love to have a biological child. I love children and would welcome and love what ever children that were brought into my life either biological or adopted but I just want if I am going to create a child that I want the father there for them and since I am single it just doesn’t look like a biological child is in my cards given my age.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Biological. I don’t have any children of my own, technically, but I am a step-parent.. which I imagine isn’t extremely different from having an adopted child. I have experienced raising children that I did not give birth to. I would like a biological child.

JLeslie's avatar

@jonsblond Adopted children can be breastfed. Breastfeeding is not part of the equation. I had not thought of that aspect. I guess it is more about winding up with a child who is or is not biologically yours, but the baby itself, and the physiological stuff that goes with having the baby or even breast feeding is moot. Kind of like everyone is the male partner here. They cannot birth the baby or breastfeed either, but they might desire their own biological baby over an adopted one or vice a versa.

@JilltheTooth Many women say they want the bilogical child first when they say they want both.

sarahsugs's avatar

It’s so hard to know what kind of prenatal care an adopted baby had. Also, I think I am correct in saying that in many adoptions, the baby is already out of infancy by the time the adoptive parents actually gain custody, and missing those first critical (not to mention delicious) months would be terribly sad for me. However, I would love to be able to offer a loving home and good parenting to a child who would not otherwise get either. It would feel like one of the best ways to make a difference in the world. So far I have one beautiful, amazing biological daughter and there is certainly something magical in searching for signs of her daddy and myself in her sweet face and her personality. While I hope we will be fortunate enough to have another biological child, I am still open to adopting a baby and will seriously discuss it with my husband when the time is right. I would want to know a lot more about the logistics – cost, wait-time, prenatal health – etc. – but the idea is exciting and
inspiring.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@JLeslie : And here I thought I was so special! ;-)

JLeslie's avatar

@JilltheTooth :) you are. I found it comforting to know many women feel that way having fertility troubles myself.

creative1's avatar

@sarahsugs I got my first one at 3mths old but she was on 12lbs because the first month of her life she couldn’t hold down food, she was born addicted and was being detoxed and remain hospitalized until she was safe to be released at 3mths old

My second I picked up right from the hospital at 2weeks old she had to be in the nicu for a little bit for inhaling meconium during birth so no they they are not necessarily out of infancy however you do have to take risks because mine came from the foster care system and they could have been returned if the bio-parent were capiable of taking care of them which they weren’t.

So its all in what you are willing to do.

Blackberry's avatar

I’d rather adopt. It seems the worst part about children, is when they’re babies. I’d rather have one that’s already grown up.

JLeslie's avatar

@sarahsugs None of that matters in this question, everything is equal, you get the baby at birth; the mother, either you or the birth mother, cared for the pregnancy the same way.

As a side note, many disabilities and problems show up by three years old, so adopting a child a little older can sometimes help ensure you are not getting an autistic child or some genetic disease, while birthing your own can be more pot luck in some ways. But, that is outside of this particular question.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Knowing what I know, I’d adopt. Pregnancy & I did not do well together.

My son is beautiful and yes, he does look like me…but love is love. I’d love to adopt a baby/child now. The costs are just TOO high

Seelix's avatar

I’d adopt. I’m almost 31 and don’t yet feel that urge to procreate, so maybe I won’t. There are too many kids out there that need homes.

JLeslie's avatar

@SpatzieLover But, what if pregnancy is no issue? Let’s say the baby magically appears, like it does for men.

creative1's avatar

@SpatzieLover adoption through fostercare doesn’t cost you anything they even pay for the attorney…. plus no stretch marks and morning sickness

bob_'s avatar

Neither.

SpatzieLover's avatar

That’d be great! @JLeslie, then ‘d do both. One bio, and all the rest adopted.

@creative1 Great Point! We have a twin niece & nephew from the system. I’d absolutely do it if I didn’t have my husband & my son to contend with. They cannot handle the unknown/disappointment. :(

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Seaofclouds's avatar

I already have one biological child and another on the way. I would like to adopt at some point in the future. In regards to the question, if all things were the same, I would be indifferent to which way I was getting the child, so I’d be open to either one. I wish it was the same in real life and not the way it is now.

JLeslie's avatar

@Seaofclouds But, you have to choose, it doesn’t just happen. You decide bio or not.

Cruiser's avatar

Mine are biological and just seemed like the natural thing to do!

If that didn’t work I think I would have tried the other options and then adopt as a last resort.

bob_'s avatar

If I had to decide between bio or adopted, I’d choose bio, to avoid all that “OMFG I’M ADOPTED? WHERE ARE MY BIOLOGICAL PARENTS?!?” drama.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I would choose a biological child and grow it myself.

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Seaofclouds's avatar

@JLeslie If I had to choose, I’d probably go with biological right now. The adoption process isn’t just a “hi, I want a kid and you’re done”, so just having sex at the right time (barring any fertility issues) would be easier than dealing with the adoption application right now (which we most likely wouldn’t get approved for one through any agency right now, so we’d have to find someone and do a private adoption, which can make things a bit more difficult). I’m not really how well you can compare just having sex at the right time (for people that don’t have fertility issues) to the application process for adoption.

bob_'s avatar

@Seaofclouds I’m no expert on adoption issues, but I have a hunch sex would be more fun.

JLeslie's avatar

@Seaofclouds No process, everything is equal. I really don’t mean to put you on the spot, you don’t have to answer. It’s just, and here is where I give away more of my reason for the question, many people seem to judge women, and men, who really want their own biological child, who want to pay a surrogate before adopting, and other fertility related examples, or choose to never be a parent if they cannot have their own. Women with fertility trouble cannot just sit back and hope, they need to make an active decision.

Aethelwine's avatar

I come from a large family, four sisters and a brother. It’s nice to have the support they provide when it is needed. I’d like that for my children. I have three biological children of my own now. If we could afford it I’d have more.

If I had to choose, I would have three of my own and adopt two. It is neat seeing a little version of yourself. One of our sons has his dad’s personality, the other has mine. Our daughter looks like me but has her dad’s personality.

My husband was adopted and he’s always been a bit envious because I can provide our children with a family tree and history from my side of the family. He often wonders if any of our children look like his biological family. I know it meant a lot to him to have biological children of his own because he didn’t have that bond as a child.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@JLeslie : I noticed that when I was going through the process. People were very judgmental like I needed that at the time!. The irony was, I had both processes going at the same time and they still had to make judgmental remarks.

bkcunningham's avatar

Isn’t it interesting that many times even when children are adopted into wonderful, loving homes; they still want to know where they are from. Even if they know their mother was a drug addict, abusive person who broke their bones or burnt them (you can insert any horrendous act done to the child here). They want to know their mother and father in so many cases.

JilltheTooth's avatar

It may be a biological imperative hard-wired into us to identify with a genetic grouping. I have no evidence of this, but animals often identify offspring by scent clues, maybe humans do, too, and we just don’t know it.

JLeslie's avatar

@bkcunningham I have found both to be true. Some seem desparate to know, feel a missing part or something, some don’t care. My sister teases me that my father is not really my biological father (I was born from artficial insemination) and if wound up to be true, I would not care about findng my bio dad, which my sister says was probably the doctor. Oy. Lol. But, that is not completely the same I guess, because if I found out my mom was not my biomom, I am not sure if I would be curious or not to know my biomom.

bkcunningham's avatar

Yeah, @JLeslie, the same only different. lol

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@JLeslie: When I was a child under 10 then I thought everyone should adopt instead of being “selfish” and making their own babies. As a teen I still believed people should adopt for the greater societal good instead of overpopulating. As an adult I began to see going biological as better, in general, at least from my observations of adopted kids.

I can’t say my idealism was a bad thing but the glut of adoptive babies born with medical issues has made me re think some things.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@JLeslie Taking out the adoption process, I’d adopt right now.

blueiiznh's avatar

Biological.
I however am biased with my awesome genetic makeup :) Thanks Mom and Dad.

Facade's avatar

I don’t want kids, but if I ever changed my mind, I’d adopt.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I would like to adopt. Before I explain why I must stress that I don’t think there is anything wrong with choosing to have children biologically and I don’t begrudge people that do. With that said, I struggle to come to terms with the amount of orphans there are in the world and for that reason, if I ever changed my mind and decided to have kids, I would seriously consider adoption.

cookieman's avatar

Adopt – and we did (and hope to do so again).

Neither my wife or I have any desire for biological children. I personally don’t understand why people do. I hear (and read) the reasons people desire bio children and think – “yeah, so?” – particularly in the face of all the parentless children in the world.

But to each their own.

rock4ever's avatar

I plan to have one biological kid and one adopted kid… a long time from now… a real long time from now. This way here my genes live on in this world and I help another kid.

knitfroggy's avatar

Since I am able, or was before I got my tubes tied, I would have biological children. There are so many people out there that are unable to have natural children and I wouldn’t feel right about adopting. I have two children and I am not adopted.

Haleth's avatar

I want to adopt someday, or take in an older foster child. I want to provide a loving home for a child that otherwise wouldn’t have one. I am ages and ages away from being a fit mother, so here’s hoping I still feel that way when the time comes.

Sunny2's avatar

I chose to have my own kids. I would prefer NOT to adopt unless I knew about the parents and why they were giving up the child. Too many mothers become pregnant due to poor judgment and that poor judgment is often passed down to the baby. I’m glad there are people willing to take a chance, but I’d have trouble with that.

cookieman's avatar

Too many mothers become pregnant due to poor judgment and that poor judgment is often passed down to the baby.

@Sunny2: Can you explain further please? I’m fairly certain “judgement” is not hereditary.

Facade's avatar

@cprevite The child grows up in an environment where “babies having babies” is commonplace.

OpryLeigh's avatar

@Facade But an adopted child wouldn’t be growing up in the enviroment of the birth mother so does that theory still stand?

Facade's avatar

Nope, it depends on the environment.

Sunny2's avatar

@cprevite Judgment is a part of executive function and it is inherited (or not) like schizophrenia and other mental functions. An example of someone without good executive function is a person who may walk by an open garage door and think it’s an invitation to go in and take things.
Hereditary factors are not absolute predictors of anything. They may or may not be ‘turned on.’ They are studying what triggers some genes to be activated.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

I’d much prefer to have a baby that’s biologically mine. I would only adopt if I couldn’t father children naturally, or if my wf couldn’t.

My 2 little ones are mine, biologically.

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venusPdiaz's avatar

Biological deffo – I am adopted but my brother was natural – guess who was loved and guess who felt unloved?

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