Social Question

Jude's avatar

How has your upbringing affected who you are today?

Asked by Jude (32112points) May 13th, 2011

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21 Answers

gm_pansa1's avatar

I have some problems because of how I was raised. Yet, who I am today doesn’t really reflect too much of my upbringing.

marinelife's avatar

????? Are you kidding? It has had everything to do with who I am. Well, that and my genetics.

1. My moving around so much deeply affected my ties to place and to people.

2. My lifelong love of learning.

3. My love of music.

Jude's avatar

@marinelife Yes. Just wondering how…

It has for me. Trust issues, the way that I problem solve and the way that I handle conflict.

Aster's avatar

My parents somehow instilled in me a fairly solid self-esteem which I didn’t deserve then or now. They spoke to me and treated me like I was some sort of royalty ; I was really a major brat and slacker. I don’t know why they did it but it sure makes life easier.
Major Slacker

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s had serious impact on the types of friends I choose, who I am attracted to romantically, how I view “family life” and what my role in society is. I discover new ties to my upbringing all the time, some are revelations and others seem sad/wasteful.

For me growing up, my parents were the lesson of what not to do, what things are dead ends and my grandparents were the remedy to survive it all and gain back, little by little.

dxs's avatar

I think I actually used all of my mom’s negative traits as an anti-roll model. I feel that I do still take on characteristic of both of them. I have grown up in dense areas, so I am used to walking places. I would never be able to live in a place where there’s nothing. I also come from a stubborn Italian background, but luckily I’m not that stubborn.

Mamradpivo's avatar

My love of travel and exploration.

And my intense desire to stay away from my family. Oddly not unrelated.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Eee gads, don’t get me started on this. Okay, I guess I’ll give this a whirl.

I was raised in a rabidly evangelical, fundamentalist Christian family that went to church 3 times each week. It was detrimental to me in many ways. First, it taught me that even though the Christian god loved me, I was destined for the fires of hell, unless I said some magic words about asking Jesus into my heart—whatever that’s supposed to mean—and to be the lord of my life. I learned that magic words could save me and change my reality. To this day, I’ve never quite been able to get over the notion that somehow god is Santa Claus. After all, “ask and ye shall receive” the scripture says.

Second, this upbringing taught me that the magic words wouldn’t really work for me, because I was beginning to realize that I was somehow different in a sexual way. I didn’t look at the girls the way the other boys did by junior high school. By high school, I could put a word on it and began to wonder if I was gay. If so, I was doomed to an eternity of hell fire. Nothing could save me.

Third, in high school, my parents began to suspect I might be gay, and they told me point blank that they would kick me out of the house, if I was. The thought of being homeless in a small Southern town terrified me, of course, so I dutifully toed the line and learned to act straight.

How has this affected who I am today you ask? I am thankful for all the pain and anguish, because today I am free. I am a liberated gay man, father, brother, son. After working on it for 2 decades, I can say that I love myself, and I have people in my life who love me unconditionally.

Living through my upbringing taught me to release fear and accept love.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

1. Moving too much and changing schools about 9 times and yet now I am about to change again but I am still not quite decided = I have had some difficulties making friends, leaving those friends that I make and move to another school/country because I will miss them like hell.

2. I am the only child so I may be a little spoiled… but its a bit of a great thing you know…

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Yes, it has been influenced by family members. It has also been influenced by others outside of the family, such as friends, teachers and role models. And then there are objects or experiences, like books, movies, or observing/participating in something that no one prepared me for, that had an impact.

Coloma's avatar

Of course. How could it not?
But..I’m one who has done her ‘work’ and I see nothing but hidden blessings in my lifes journey.

I am strong, tenacious, resiliant, have retained my compassion and love inspite of plenty of hard knocks and disappointments, and…best of all..I can CHOOSE whether or not anything from my past still haunts me in the present moment.

It does not!

The old me and my old life died many moons ago.

I am a tender hearted tiger and fear nothing…bring it on…I can handle ANYTHING..because I already HAVE! :-)

laineybug's avatar

I don’t think this question really applies to me, because I am still living my upbringing. Does that makes sense? What I mean is, I’m still being raised. But my parents’ parenting style affects who I am. My parents treat me well and taught me that I should never let anyone treat me badly, so I don’t. I don’t let anyone treat the people I care about badly. Also, I got my love of music from hearing my dad drumming all the time.

cookieman's avatar

Absolutely. I see shadows of it every day.

Mostly they’re reflections of my parents and my grandparents.

Berserker's avatar

Living with my mother when I was young was no fun. She always played guilt trips on me, and I couldn’t understand that at that age. She wasn’t a mother to me, not someone I went to for confidence or if I had a problem. My dad had that job, but my parents were divorced and I seldom saw my dad. So I went to no one, and when my mom spoke to me, I answered what I hoped was what she wanted to hear. Just like you do with a really strict teacher who asks you something and you don’t know the answer.
I don’t state it, but I highly suspect that this is why a big part of my life, I was abnormally shy, to the point that me trying to speak with people ended up in babbles and word skipping. And then going way too far when an element of balance was needed to this state of enclosure, and freaking everyone out around me haha.
I’m not like that now, it seemed to have went away, although I am still pretty timid. But I didn’t do any great battle to be rid of this, as I say it just fucked off. Me working as a waitress helped a lot, since you work with people.
So, that I guess, even if it’s not quite a part of me at the mo, some of it is definitely still present.

JLeslie's avatar

I am very similar to my parents, so I guess my upbringing had a profound affect. The one difference is I think I am much less of an angry person than my parents. The good traits I get from them are honesty, reliability, caring, and a goodsense of humor. The bad traits are difficulty making decisions, regret, and feeling extremely hurt when misperceived by others.

blueiiznh's avatar

Is this a trick question?

tranquilsea's avatar

I’m number 3 out of 6 children. My father was largely absent from my life due to what ever he had going on. My mother grew increasingly frustrated with him. As he wouldn’t stick around when they would get into an argument she eventually held so much anger she turned it on us. From the age of 2 to 5 I was subjected to some pretty bad abuse.

I grew up afraid of my mother but I loved her.

School was safe for me and I blossomed there after arriving there fairly spacey at 5.

As I grew up I swore that I would not raise my kids the way I was raised. I have never blamed them for my bad moods and I have never abused them when I’ve been angry. I have made sure that I have a good relationship with them so that, hopefully, they feel safe enough to come to me if something goes wrong in their lives.

I am passionate about the rights of children and abused people in general. I think this is a characteristic born out of the crap I endured.

wundayatta's avatar

It made me have ridiculous expectations for myself. As a result, it nearly killed me.

everephebe's avatar

How has your upbringing affected who you are today?
Yes, but I’m trying to change that. :D

Harold's avatar

My mother taught me all about unconditional love. She was widely known amongst the customers she served in a sandwich shop in Sydney’s CBD as the kind, loving generous person who lived her Christianity. My father taught me about sacrifice. He worked ridiculous hours at a menial job so the three of us could have a good education and food to eat.

When I read @hawaii_jake‘s post above, it makes me sad, because I know that many Christian parents are like that. I am glad that mine weren’t. When my Mum passed away last October, my sister, brother and I were able to gather with our families and rejoice in the precious gift of family love that she helped to give us.

_zen_'s avatar

I’m an asshole who’s just winging it.

My son will, hopefully, be less of one.

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