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ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

What do you do when you don't want to fight anymore?

Asked by ANef_is_Enuf (26789points) May 14th, 2011

I’m sure everyone has felt like they are fighting an uphill battle with no end in sight at some point.
What do you do when you want to quit fighting, but throwing in the towel isn’t really an option?
How do you keep your spirits up and what stops you from quitting when all of the fight in you is gone?

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16 Answers

augustlan's avatar

I give in to that feeling, and wallow. I mean a big-time wallow… rant and cry, eat comfort food, sleep all day. The works. But only for a day or two. After that, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and put one foot in front of the other. Try to remember that it will get better, girlie. <3

LuckyGuy's avatar

Think of Sisyphus (Greek and Roman Mythology the guy who had to roll the boulder up the hill for all eternity) – only imagine yourself with options. You can sidestep the boulder and let it roll down the hill. Will anyone get hurt? If “No” then let it go. If “Yes” you have some choices. You can find a way to chock it in place so you can rest. You can ask for help pushing. You can try to find get lever. You can use tools/explosives to destroy it.
A hug will hold it in place. (0)

creative1's avatar

I think of that the ultimate end will be when I win the fight by being persistant is an it keeps me going. Usually the fights that I am battling are for my childern and since they mean more to me than anything I don’t and won’t give up no matter what and how frustrating the battle feels. I greater good out weights giving up.

markylit's avatar

I hardly give up. I simply focus on the end goal and keep on trying. I think what’s in our control is never giving up and keep on working towards achieving the goal. What we can atleast do is give our best shot and try and get closer to it. If certain things are not meant to happen they simply wont.This way even if i lose, i know that i tried and did all i can.

jca's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf: are you asking this question in reference to your recent Fluther question about the court possibly making you get rid of your pets?

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@jca yes, sort of. It is just the years and years of fighting in court in general that have worn me down. The pet thing is essentially the straw to break the camel’s back. It isn’t just me, but my husband is also desperately weary from the constant battling. It is expensive, exhausting, and it is detrimental to his relationship with his children. Neither of us are big on conflict, we both tend to want to keep the peace, so this long term head-butting is taking a toll. Not that either of us would dream about giving up on trying to ensure that the kids get to spend time with a father that loves them, but it is a very trying process. Seems sad, because I don’t think it should be so difficult.
Truth is, my will to keep my defenses up 24/7 is dwindling. I know that I can’t give up, but it’s hard to keep our spirits up.

jca's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf: I feel for you. I would find the threat of having to give up my pets to be the straw that broke the camel’s back, too. I have heard many stories over the years of vindictive exes doing and demanding all kinds of things, totally outrageous things. In your case, with the love of the pets, the money to continually fight these battles, I honestly don’t know. I might look at my relationship with the person and think about giving that up, which may be “taking the easy way out” and not the right answer, but I might be at a point where I could not take the constant crap any more. Not that it’s his fault, of course it’s not, but I might just feel like it would be easier to let it all go than to be dealing with the drama. Then the ex would win, yes, like if you gave up the pets she would win, so either way, in a way, she wins. It sucks. I wish I had a magic wand for you and could give a better answer.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@jca thank you. I just keep hoping that being good people and doing the right thing will somehow pay off in the long run.
Unfortunately I know that the world doesn’t always, if not rarely, work that way… but I’m trying to cling to hope. I feel very defeated. All I want to do is love my stepkids, love my husband, and love my pets. This seems like a lot of punishment to all innocent parties for such an innocent and sincere wish.

Seelix's avatar

I’m with @augustlan on this one. I throw myself a pity party and wallow in self-pity for a day. After that, I usually feel silly about wanting to give up, and the will to fight comes back multiplied.

I wish I could offer some real advice about your situation. All I can say is know that we’re all pulling for you here, and we all lurve you a ton. Hang in there, darlin’.

blueiiznh's avatar

I disconnect from whatever it is for a short period of time (measured in minutes or hours).
I do something as simple as take a long hot bath, go on a long bike ride, clean like a mad man, cut the grass, go to the beach, anything to get my mind off it.
Sometimes it is just a nights sleep.
This helps remove it from my mind. Wake up or feel different about it at the end of this disconnect. It most often helps me center and see things in a different point of view. Once I start to ponder it again on my terms, I will see and realize different approaches I can try. Sometimes it mean a completely different direction. It helps me think out of the box and put a next plan together.
I don’t give up. I do however take different directions and approaches. It may mean that this is a battle not worth fighting.

As I have listed many times here, it often means i take The Road Less Traveled

ragingloli's avatar

I press ALT+F4.

Coloma's avatar

It helps to do as @blueiiznh and @augustlan says, and, I’d just add that it is important to remeber that everything in life is cyclic in nature. No-thing, situation, emotion, will last forever. Cycles can last anywhere from a few hours to a few years, with lots of mini-cycles within the bigger cycles.

This is natural, and what we resist, persists. Go FULLY into whatever feelings you have in the moment, let it happen without judgement.

cookieman's avatar

Sleep. I always have a better perspective and renewed energy after a good night’s sleep (or, at least a nap). Then I’m ready to re-enter the fray.

If the outcome isn’t that important to me and there won’t by any major ramifications, I’ll often let it go – lose gracefully – so as to conserve energy and “live to fight another day”.

marinelife's avatar

Take a period of time away from the fight. Just for you.

Then remember what you’re fighting for: sometimes that gets lost in the day-to-day battle.

Then gird your loins and get back in there.

Good luck.

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