Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Why do you think some people have an easier time finding dates online and others prefer to do it in person?

Asked by wundayatta (58596points) May 14th, 2011

Some people seem to have no problem going to a bar or picking up someone anywhere. No problem approaching and talking to someone in person. Others seem frozen and afraid to talk to anyone in person. They come online though, and they have much more success.

Why do some do better in one medium and others in another? Does the internet somehow level the playing field for some people? If so, how? And why?

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15 Answers

klutzaroo's avatar

There are bar people who like to play relationship roulette. They have no idea who they’re picking up in the bar, if they’re compatible or not. There are online people who like to get an idea of who they’re talking to before they jump in. If they share values or have serious barriers to compatibility or anything deeper than a conversation you can have in a bar with a drink or three in you.

There’s much more than being assertive when it comes to whether people prefer to find relationships out in the world or from the comfort of their computer.

My fiancee and I both never go to bars. We just don’t care for it. We met online and we were able to see that we had a lot more in common than liking the looks of one another with beer goggles on.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

For all we know, this is a giant Turing Test.

I’ll stick with the face to face when discerning my physical relationships.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Online lets you start on the idea that you’re both looking for a relationship. Not making small talk till your S/O gets here, not hoping to get a couple free drinks, not looking for a friend, but a relationship (or whatever you set your profile to “I’m looking for…”). So right there, you’re not getting shot down by people who think you’re lovely enough but they’re already taken. You get to know some base things about someone before you even message them – pets, children, education, job, taste in music and movies, religion, political leanings – stuff that most people spend their first dates trying to ascertain.

Blueroses's avatar

Or you can find you develop a bond when you’re not even looking for a relationship. Online there’s no distraction by ambient noise or superficial sexual tension. You can focus entirely on one person; their moods, their communication skills, their quirks, in a no-pressure atmosphere. Then suddenly realize you have fallen in love with someone through lines of text on a screen.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Blueroses Or, alternatively, you realize it’s probably best if you just give up on men altogether.

Blueroses's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs I’ve been more directed toward that pov from real-life dating. :/

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Blueroses You’d think I would have been, given my real-life dating experiences (and at one point, I did…) but there’s something about getting a ton of messages from bigots who hate gays (which, it clearly states on my profile I’m bi…), cats, having a remedial grasp on the English language, paying attention to basic hygiene, and doing anything other than smoking pot and watching crappy movies that really seems to make me think it’s that they’re men, not just individual shitheads. Or was it finding the sperm ice cream porn that did it this time?

Blueroses's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs Oh. I see what you mean. I’ve never gone near a “dating” site. I just meet people individually in non-sex oriented chatrooms or on comment boards for sites where we have mutual interests.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Blueroses Ah, I’m on OkCupid.

dabbler's avatar

I’m married long enough that back when I was dating there weren’t no webertubes to date on. But I did have some great experiences with the ‘personals’ ads.
The best thing about a dating site is that you know the other person is looking for a relationship, and the better sites have classifications that can narrow down what sort of relationship. In the bar who knows what the other person is looking for…
I always found the risk of rejection and embarrassment at a bar scene to be overwhelming.
I met my wife at an organization of which we are both members. The shared interests helped break the ice and the chemistry did the rest.

klutzaroo's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs There’s your problem. OkCupid guys in general lack maturity and… yeah. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back on there, even if I was still single. Try PlentyofFish. Other than, where I found mine (but costs money, bleh), its the best I found.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Part of it comes down to the whole introvert/extrovert personality thing. If you aren’t willing to talk to a stranger, then you are doomed at finding a partner in a bar or public place. Internet dating sites are just as iffy. While I agree with those that say that they are able to drill down to a more likely match, it doesn’t always pan out. While it did for my brother and his wife, it didn’t for the guy across the street when his wife and his online girlfriend discovered what shenanigans he was up to.

klutzaroo's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer Some of the sites are now screening people on them to make sure they’re not married and don’t have criminal backgrounds.

Sweetie26's avatar

I think its because it is easier to talk to someone online than it is in person. Online you can see if the person is into you, by if they e-mail the person more frequently. Some people are shy and just can’t talk to people face to face.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@klutzaroo Thanks friend. That’s interesting. The site that the neighbor used to find a female companion probably doesn’t have that screening factor, since it accepted photos of naked anatomy.

His wife went to move her husband’s truck into the garage and found a map and a print-out of a ‘very personal’ e-mail on the front seat to the area that the husband said he had been on a business trip. The wife called the phone number included, and the two women exchanged details. The girlfriend was royally upset when he found out he was married and gave the wife the website address.

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