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sweetbee's avatar

Why is it that guys (not all) are so hmm.. what's the word Ahh inconsistent?

Asked by sweetbee (288points) May 15th, 2011

I just recently started talking and hanging out with this guy. It started out alright but now he is beginning to call sporatically and in all honesty when we speak he doesn’t ask much about me. Yes women like to talk about themselves :) Anyway its like he will ask a personal question but then cut to a sexually laced thought. He says he is just kidding but I can smell a rat. I knew of him for years and we just reconnected it would just be nice to have a consistent normal conversation that doesn’t go back to sex every second. I’m trying to share who I am and take time to ask him personal things but am finding it frustrating. What is his deal?

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16 Answers

incendiary_dan's avatar

Maybe you just hang out with a lot of similar types of guys?

JLeslie's avatar

Don’t waste your time with him. He is not inconsistent he is consistent.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Not all men are like that. In fact, in my experience, most aren’t. You have already stated that he isn’t your type, whether you realize it or not. It sounds like it’s time to let this one go and move on.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

He sounds like a selfish jackass that is only interested in you for sex.

sweetbee's avatar

@incendiary_dan That’s just it I was trying to be open to different guys. My usual type are musicians/artists this guy is left field for me.
@JLeslie You are absolutely right! He definitely is.

sweetbee's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer I am trying to be open but he really doesn’t show much signs of being any different to what i’ve dated previously.
@lucillelucillelucille sigh but i’m so tired of those. Where are the good guys?

gailcalled's avatar

He also sounds boring, banal, self-absorbed and superficial. Don’t waste another second of your life on him.

The good guys are out there but usually not in the obvious meat markets.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@sweetbee You sound like one of my best friends. She’s had a huge crush on Charlie Sheen for years, and most of her boyfriends appear to have come from the same mold. As a co-worker once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.”

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@sweetbee -Rest assured,they are out there.:)

Kardamom's avatar

Not sure how old you guys are, but most young men in their 20’s have no interest in any kind of mature or committed relationship, they mostly just want sex. It sounds like this guy just isn’t all that into you, but he probably thinks you would be suitable for sex.

You could gently voice your concerns to him, just tell him what you told us, or if you think he’s not worth it (and I don’t think he is) then just drop him.

There are good guys out there. Most of them are a little older than their 20’s, but it’s not likely that you’ll find them in a bar or at some of the usual places where people pick up dates. The best places to find great guys are in any situation where you are participating in an activity that you love, because the guys are there for the same reason. You’re much more likely to find a decent guy who’s participating in an activity that he enjoys, then he’ll see you for who you really are, not just some woman to sleep with.

What do you like to do? Paint, hike, birdwatch, take photos, church activities, cook, dance, play softball, sing, read? Look in your local (probably free) entertainment magazine and find some activities that you might like to try. Although sewing and quilting might be fun, you are more likely to find some great guys if you do activities that appeal to both men and women.

sweetbee's avatar

@kardamom Thank you. That was good advice. He is 41 behaving this way. I’m 34 and just want a meaningful relationship. I’m going to let him know where I stand and move on.

Kardamom's avatar

@sweetbee Oh my goodness. I would not have guessed that he is 41. I think moving on from this fellow is probably a good idea for sure.

Now what activities are you looking into, to meet some decent fellows with common interests?

aprilsimnel's avatar

Hon, @sweetbee, don’t bother. You’re giving yourself an in and an excuse to keep talking to him. Just stop. Stop. He doesn’t care enough about you for you to afford him the courtesy. Don’t contact him anymore – period. Should he bother to track you down and ask what’s up, you tell him you’re busy. He needs no explanation.

And then be busy with doing something that enhances your life or helps out someone else. Life is too short to let some trifling fool “know where you stand”. Believe me, you aren’t the first woman who’s done that, if he’s 41. He didn’t listen to them, either. He just tried his game on someone new. Hmpf. NEXT!

Kardamom's avatar

@aprilsimnel You are so right.

I wish these types of men could be made to wear a sticker or a patch or a tatoo that says “I’m a Trifling Fool” That would be awesome!

lillycoyote's avatar

People can be and are inconsistent. I imagine that there is as much variation within genders as there is between genders. I don’t entirely understand men, I won’t say that I do, but I have not found them to be any more or less inconsistent than women.

Sunny2's avatar

@sweetbee Listen to what your good sense is telling you. He’s not a keeper. If you want to be his current girlfriend for a while, go for it, but as others have said, he’s probably a waste of time in the long run. As @JLeslie said, “He is NOT inconsistent.”

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