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brandon11993's avatar

Very sad and depressed when not with my girlfriend. Why?

Asked by brandon11993 (7points) May 18th, 2011

I finally found the perfect girl, she is everything i have always wanted. I am the happiest person ever when im with her but the second we are apart i am extremely sad, sometimes even depressed. she is all i think about and we have been dating for about 6 months. i love her with all my heart and she is my first love. the feelings are completely mutual and i am her first love. why do i feel so sad though :( so sad i cant even focus :(

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10 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Well, it’s great to feel in love, true. But you can’t have your life revolve around that one person, it’s not sustainable. Nobody wants to be with someone who finds nothing else important other than them. Maybe, I’m wrong. Maybe she does. I suggest you find other passions in addition to your relationship.

laureth's avatar

It’s hormones, son.

You’ve never felt this way before. It’s like getting high on a drug. And if you’re her first, too, she’s probably quite the enabler. (Also. We all felt like that the first time. All of us. It’s like you’re the first one to discover this feeling – but you’re not. <wink>)

Else, check out signs of a co-dependent relationship.

Blueroses's avatar

One of life’s great mysteries. Why does true love cause us so much joy and sadness? Being apart is a drug withdrawal with all of the emotional and physical symptoms.

The good/bad news is that it will calm down eventually and you won’t have the despairing crashes any more. You also lose the euphoric highs but all in all it’s a lot easier on your system.
Physical distractions like running or working out hard have helped me deal with it.

Kardamom's avatar

You may have found what you think is the perfect girlfriend, but the way things are going with her, you have not created the perfect relationship. It’s perfectly fine to feel a little bit sad when your loved one goes away, but it sounds like you are putting your girlfriend in the position of being all things to you and this is unhealthy. For any two people to have a truly healthy relationship, they have to realize that each of them are good, fun, smart, reliable people in and of themselves. Not just when they have been paired up with this other supposedly perfect person.

You both have to have your own sense of self, which involves knowing what kind of person you really are, having your own interests and desires, despite the fact that you are in a relationship. Hopefully it is your independent self that your girlfriend found attractive in the first place. People should not jump into relationships to rescue the other person or to be saved by the other person

You should be able to have a good time on your own, doing things that are of intererest to you without worrying that the other person might leave you, or that you are less than a whole person without that other person around. Unless your girlfriend is untrustworthy, then you should be able to trust her, and know that she is probably going to do fun and interesting things that are important to her, when she is away from you too.

Healthy relationships thrive when independent, good, nice, smart, fun people get together and they each appreciate the other person for who they really are. But they don’t expect the other person to become an appendage or a conjoined twin.

Not sure how old you are. If you are over 18, you guys might consider getting some very short term couples counseling to see how you can better accomplish creating a secure relationship while at the same time remaining autonomous people.

If you are under 18 you might consider talking to your parents or your school counselor about the fact that you are in fact suffering from depression and are having a difficult time concentrating. Love is complicated and you do have to work hard to make it work, but love should be a joyful thing, not a painful thing. Good luck to you and your girlfriend : )

tranquilsea's avatar

The feelings of infatuation (the birthplace of new love) are strong. Have no worries: the intensity of the feelings should subside to a manageable level.

Try to concentrate on other things when you’re not around her. The more you practise trying to the more able you’ll be to concentrate on something else.

skfinkel's avatar

Ah, love.

wundayatta's avatar

I have felt this feeling many times in my life. What they say above about having other interests and things to do is true, but this feeling is amazing! To be drawn to someone that powerfully, I think, is not all that common. I think a lot of people are afraid of it. Because if and when it ends, you die.

Dying is worst the first time. After that you know you can revive. It’s not easy, and the pain is still unimaginable, but it is so worth it. The high of love is inexpressible. It’s not the same, I believe, for most others. And it doesn’t go away, either. At least, not for me.

It is so intense to meet someone you are utterly compatible with. Someone you can connect to at that unbelievable deep level where you are each everything the other is.

A lot of people call that codependency. They say it’s not health to depend on or need someone else that much. But I don’t think it’s codependency. I think you want the best for the other person, and you would sacrifice yourself, if necessary, for them. You’d do that without a second thought. Just because it is the right thing.

It’s not that you need the other person. It’s that you want them. It’s that everything else pales in comparison. Life is utterly alive when you are with the other person.

It only works if both people are as powerfully drawn to the other as the other is. So that no one feels like they need space. Each one is just as delighted as the other to be in the other’s company.

Then it’s just special. It is intense. It is romantic. It is life!

cheebdragon's avatar

Ah, emo….

Enjoy it while you can, because it’s all downhill from here.

Cwit's avatar

Sounds like you’re too emotionally attached. Just a reminder – remember you are an individual and must remain independent to a certain extent when you’re in a relationship. When you’re not together hang out with your friends; send her a little text to let her aware of that she’s on your mind. You don’t want to seem needy and you don’t want to revolve your life around her. Relationships usually don’t last when you go down this type of route.

I hope everything works out. Good luck !

EddieTheHead's avatar

Sometimes love is so strong when your love is away you can’t concentrate, and sometimes depressed.

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