Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

What kinds of issues have you had with your step children?

Asked by wundayatta (58612points) May 22nd, 2011

I don’t have any step children, but I was wondering how it was with your stepchildren, for those of you who have them? What kind of difficulties did you run into at the beginning? Were you able to change things after a while? How did you do that?

Did you have a good relationship with them? How did you manage to do that?

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6 Answers

Hibernate's avatar

Kids adapt swell.

If you know how to interact there won’t be any issues.

cazzie's avatar

It’s the parents of the kid I have most problems with. Unfortunately, he’s picked up on it, and has characterised me now as ‘the grumpy one’.

janedelila's avatar

Mine were fine until their crackwhore mother showed back up after 6 years. Whoring for crack sorta crackwhore…it was so ugly. Not a downhill slide for them, oh no. Like falling off a cliff. She filled them full of lies, moved them in with a known molester (ended as ugly as you’d think) and made them hateful, spiteful, selfish teenagers. While their father sat back and drank himself into oblivion over it. I left him and vowed to never date a man with children again. As it turns out, I’m still alone. And @cazzie you should hear what they call me.

cazzie's avatar

Yes, @janedelila it could be worse. He doesn’t hate me, just seems to feel sorry for me and wishes I was happier. He’s autistic, but wonderfully sensitive when someone really needs a hand to hold or a hug.

mrrich724's avatar

From the step-child point of view, I did not get along with my stepfather for as long as I lived in the same house. Now we get along.

My best friend of 15 years didn’t get along with his step mother for the longest time.

My sister didn’t get along with my step-dad either. But my half brother did.

It’s nearly impossible for a stepparent to show you the same love that he would show their own child (in my experience), and I don’t know any of my “step parented” friends who love/get along with their step parents…

Neizvestnaya's avatar

My first stepdaughter was very young when we met, 9yrs old. She was very shy and watchful at first so she could assess the situation and then decide if her dad and I were worth her time or not. Seriously. We ended up with a wonderful relationship though, the only rough spots being when she would want to talk down her mother or her mother’s wishes and we’d stop her and tell her we had all already agreed on such-and-such thing. She was very spoiled as far as materialistic things like designer clothes which I thought were ridiculous for children but since her grades were always outstanding and she was such a breeze in all other ways, we let her have what she wanted as long as we could manage it.

My current stepchildren are an interesting bunch. They too are very reserved and watchful before opening up and showing interest, comfort or affection. We let them have as much emotional room as possible since they are all teens, in the throes of junior adulthood. An issue we’ve brought up is now that they are older, they no longer get to avoid or ignore when adults speak to them and get away with it under the lame excuse of not being talkative or what not. They know they are expected to show the minimum responses or social niceties such as, hello, goodbye, no thank you, that sort of thing when directly addressed.

I like to let them deal with me on their own terms, not expect them to include me yet in their affections or even plans that include their dad. Their time with him needs to be as much what they want it as possible since he’s not able to see them that often or have the homelife he wanted with them. So far it’s working better and better.

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