"FWB" He says he can't offer me what I want right now?

“He says he can’t offer me what I want right now”
What is it you want? That would make it more clear in order to get answers.
And what is FWB?

I want him to be my boyfriend ! He says he can’t give that to me right now, he doesn’t want any comitment. He is not with any one besides me.

Friends with benefits.

I do not want to pacify him untill he finds someone else, I do not want to be that girl!!

Thanks for clarification, @cherr.
I think you answered your question yourself; you don’t want to be that girl(friend with benefits).
Good for you.

What’s your question?

He already has the benefits. Why on earth should he change?
You can’t change him. You can only change yourself.

“Is he just using me?” What a topic! You’re the one with the secret agenda!

It sounds like he’s been around the block enough to know what he wants and how to express it, and you should be grateful. Most people aren’t so straight forward. Be honest with him, and what you want out of the relationship, and if you can’t resolve your differences, then you really should just move on. You seem to be enjoying this pretend relationship, but you have to understand that it isn’t real. You are playing house. You are both participating in this relationship for your own reasons, but it seems like you want different things in the long term, which makes a (happy) long term relationship impossible.

I’d encourage you to have a real discussion about what relationships and commitment means to both of you. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be monogamous for the rest of his life, and thinks you wouldn’t be into a non-monogamous lifestyle, so he holds you at arm’s length. This is just one possibility, but you should really sit down and unpack your feelings, and figure out if you do have the potential for a happy, long term-relationship.

How do you figure he’s not with anyone else?

its a polite way of saying piss off except for sex

Stop letting him use you,and find someone who can give you what you want .;)

Always, always, always believe a guy when he says he can’t give you what you want.

Unfortunately for you, you accepted the FWB from the get-go and that is probably the only thing you will ever get from him. He sounds like a nice enough guy, but he is getting exactly what he wants (sex, friendship, the appearance of a relationship with absolutely no obligation to you whatsoever, because you agreed to this FWB situation) therefore, he has no reason to do anything different.

Right now you have a few options. You can sit down with him and have a serious (but with no accusations or demands) conversation with him and say something like, “Simon, I really like you and I have been enjoying spending time with you, and I mean everything that goes along with that, but for me, I really need to have something more, not just a friends with benefits kind of situation. If we stay together, I really need to have a real boyfriend. You said you don’t want that, right now, but can you see us together as a real couple in the near future?”

If he says no, then you should politely bow out of the relationship right now (unless you have changed your mind and you don’t mind being just his FWB chick).

If he says that he might be able to see you as his girlfriend, but just not right now, then you should tell him that for now, you guys have to cool it (that means no sex, no sexual situations, not hand holding, no cuddling, no making out, no kissing, no sexy or lovey-dovey talk etc.) but if you want to still be friends, cooling things down could eventually lead to him changing his mind and wanting you as a girlfriend. But be aware, that if you slip up just a little bit, you’ll be right back to FWB and you will never give him any incentive to want anything more.

He also might say no, and he also doesn’t want to be just friends. In that case, you are done.

If you guys do cool it (and remain friends) or break up altogether, and he comes back later saying that he wants to get back together with you, tell him that you won’t even consider it unless he is willing to try out a real girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, otherwise FWB is all you will ever get from him. Good luck : )

It’s also important to note that, you’re desperation is going to be a huge turn off for him to ever commit to a relationship with you. It sounds like you’re trying to pressure him. I’m willing to bet $10 he is actually getting it somewhere else.

It’s the age old case of “why buy the cow when you can get all the milk you want for free?”

You can’t change him and he has absolutely no reason to change. He’s getting everything he wants so this arrangement works really well for him.

The only things you have the power to change are your expectations or your actions.

What this boils down to is that if you want to continue the FWB arrangements, your attitude of ever expecting it to be more needs to change.

But if you can’t change your unrealistic expectations, then you need to change your actions. No more FWB with this guy and put your energy into finding someone who has the same long term goals for a relationship as you do.

As long as you’re connected with this guy (who is basically unavailable for your long term needs) you keep yourself from the possibility of connecting with the right guy.

None of us are getting any younger. It’s up to you how many years or months you choose to waste being connected with this guy. The reality is that he has absolutely no reason to want change and you can’t force him.

It really is that simple. Do you want pleasure now and an uncertain wasted number of years or do you make yourself available for the right guy to find you for a future you both want to build? It’s your choice.