Social Question

Julietxx3's avatar

What do I do in this sticky situation?

Asked by Julietxx3 (712points) May 23rd, 2011

My best guy friend had sex with a girl in our grade, and another girl is telling everyone. I love my friend a lot and I really want to protect him. I really want to confront the girl and tell her to stop telling people, but I feel like maybe I should just stay out of it. My friend said it was okay for me to talk to her (actually he wants me to slap her across the face), but I am not sure if I should… any advise?

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39 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I think you should stay out of it.

Julietxx3's avatar

Oh, and he doesn’t want a lot of people knowing because he really regrets it.

WestRiverrat's avatar

Stay out of it.

Luiveton's avatar

If you really care for the guy then give the girl a bitch slap and tell her to stop. True friend.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Julietxx3 -Tell him that’s called a “life lesson” and to quit whining about his f-up. ;)

Blackberry's avatar

It’s already out, what are you going to do anyway? Erase memories?

JilltheTooth's avatar

It’s too bad that your friend regrets what he did…maybe next time he’ll think twice before doing something he might regret. His actions, his consequences, not your place to do anything.

SuperMouse's avatar

Stay out of it. He made his choice when he slept with this young woman, now he has to deal with the consequences. Let’s just hope that her sharing the information is the biggest thing he has to deal with – there could be much bigger issues to face – like being a daddy.

Kardamom's avatar

It’s probably too late to keep the information quiet. You should defninitely stay out of the situation, with regards to confronting the other girl. If you confront her, you are just setting yourself up to appear to be a jealous person, and you might make your guy friend appear to not be able to stand up for himself.

You should just try to be a good friend to this fellow and make sure that he is completely informed about birth control, STD’s and why it’s not a good idea to have sex when a person is not emotionally or maturity-wise, ready to have a real relationship with another person, with all of the responsibilites that go along with it.

You didn’t say how long ago your guy friend had sex. Hopefully the young lady, with whom he had sex, won’t end up pregnant. But if she does, your friend will need you to be a good friend and to stand by him through whatever happens. So don’t create more needless drama with the “loud mouth” girl who’s spreading the word or else you’ll just make it worse.

You should convince your guy friend, to have a serious and quiet (and private) conversation with the “loud mouth” girl and ask her to kindly refrain from spreading the information any further for his sake and for the sake of the feelings of the girl with whom he had sex.

Seaofclouds's avatar

The only thing that will happen if you get involved now is that it will stir up more drama and things will get even worse. It sucks that it got around, but it happens. Slapping this girl or talking to her and getting her to stop spreading it around now won’t do anything about those that already know and it won’t stop anyone else from spreading it around. Best thing for you is to stay out of it.

erichw1504's avatar

Apply peanut butter.

Julietxx3's avatar

Thanks everyone. I know I should probably stay out of it (that seems like the best idea) but I just wanted to let you know that the reason he wanted me to slap her was #1. So she can shut up and since he is a guy, he would get in more trouble for slapping her himself (that’s why he wants me to do it) . And #2. So she can finally learn her lesson. (She has been known to spread rumors and secrets and wont stop!) Oh and the girl he had sex with literally has had sex with half of the guys at my school! And she is only 15! So thanks for all of your advise, I will most likely stay out of it, but my friend (his name is Jason by the way) will probably convince me to talk to her. And I can’t stand to see him get hurt he is like my brother. Thanks ( :

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Julietxx3 You can get in quite a bit of trouble if you slap her while at school. Just as much as him to be honest. And slapping her won’t teach her to keep her mouth shut, it’ll just make her say stuff about you. Just some food for thought…

Julietxx3's avatar

Yeah thats probably true. But think about it… I know America is all about being “equal,” but if I hit a girl, and Jason hits a girl, who do you think would get more harshly punished? And not to mention him getting isolated by everyone he knows for being the ass whole who hit a girl!

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Julietxx3 He would get a bunch of shit about it, but so will you. I was just pointing that out. It’s up to you. Honestly though, how good of a friend is he if he wants you to do something that will get you in trouble?

Julietxx3's avatar

Oh no trust me no one likes this girl! I will probably get props for being the girl that finally stood up to her… now the teachers, they may not be too happy about me hitting her. But all I will get is one day suspension, maybe if I’m lucky, a week of detention. But that doesn’t really bother me.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Julietxx3 You’re missing the point, but since you don’t care about getting in trouble at school, do whatever floats your boat. It won’t stop her from running her mouth though.

Julietxx3's avatar

No I think if someone stands up to her and tells her shes wrong, she will stop. I know her personality, she is a weak person, and doesn’t really like confrontation.

Julietxx3's avatar

I mean most likely I wont. But I’m just giving you my side. But I agree it’s not a good idea.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Whatever this girl’s saying or doing isn’t as big of a deal as you’re all probably making it out to be. She’s just some girl that no one likes trying to get a rep by spreading rumours.

Shunning her would probably be more effective than popping her in the mouth because what she wants is attention and people looking up to her, even if it’s for being the gossip queen.

Julietxx3's avatar

She’s telling everyone that my friend has had sex, which is true, and he is ashamed of it and doesn’t want people to know. So yeah, it is a big deal.

aprilsimnel's avatar

It’s a big deal because you’re all treating it like a big deal. The more you all focus on the situation, the bigger deal it becomes. They did it, it happened. And it’s over now. Lesson learned, and on to the next thing.

I’m not trying to be snotty, please understand that. I haven’t forgotten being a kid and how everyone had fits over things that didn’t matter six months later. Lay low and don’t engage. This will blow over in two or three weeks.

marinelife's avatar

If you come across the girl telling someone, you can stand up fro your friend and tell her to shut up.

But do not seek her out.

A lot of people already know now.

SuperMouse's avatar

This girl sounds very troubled. She is probably quite miserable and lonely. I can’t imagine how much it would hurt if I was a teenage girl others thought of as “weak” and understood that the vast majority of my peers disliked me. Maybe instead of a slap across the face this young lady needs compassion.

Kardamom's avatar

Please don’t even consider the idea of using violence to solve this problem. If you do hit her, you are condoning violence. Is that what you really want? Or do you want to solve the problem?

Your friend can’t take back what he did (having sex with the first girl) but he can and should talk to the second girl himself and ask her to stop spreading the information around, even if the information is true. But both you and your friend can set a much better example by doing things right from now on. Using violence in this situation would only exacerbate the situation and make both of you look foolish.

I get that the “loud mouth” is disliked by most, if not all, of the other students, but if either one of you resorts to violence, it will make you look like a bully and a fool. You guys need to learn how to make better decisions about what you do in life, and to learn how to make better decisions about handling disputes.

The word is already out, about your friend having sex. Just ignore the “loud mouth” and simply don’t engage her. If everyone at your school, just stops engaging her, she’ll stop, because she’ll no longer have an audience. If you hit her, you will be saying to everyone that Violence is Good and We are Powerless to do Anything Else Don’t become one of those people. Rise above the pettiness and show this “loud mouth” how to become a better person by your own example.

Your_Majesty's avatar

The fact that this nosy girl could know about their sex could also mean that your friend or his girlfriend has blow it herself (else,who could know something that sensitive?). I think it’s common for gossipers to exist at school (for God’s sake they’re many people like these out there,on TV,magazine,or even your own parents). It’s the same like there are many bullies on the same ground. To make it clear you have to know that she has a right to do whatever she wants,it’s not like there’s a rule to keep her from doing such thing. If I were in your situation then I’ll do a bit research about this girl and find some interesting fact to pay back what she has done to me. Anyway,it’s still a gossip and anyone can deny a gossip unless you can proof it.

SuperMouse's avatar

@Your_Majesty just to make sure I understand correctly, are you suggesting @Julietxx3 spread a rumor about this girl?

Your_Majesty's avatar

@SuperMouse Yes. You must think that it’s wrong. But…what could be sweeter than revenge? A thief who steal from a thief…(Just think that you’re Robinhood).

SuperMouse's avatar

@Your_Majesty I have to disagree, revenge seems inappropriate in this situation.

Kardamom's avatar

I agree with @SuperMouse that @Julietxx3 should NOT start a rumor about the girl who is doing the gossiping. It would make her just as bad and just as foolish.

If people do not want gossip, they should ignore those people doing the gossiping and set a good example by not creating drama in the first place and by not attempting to solve problems with “pay back.” That is how wars are started. Diplomacy is a much better way to deal with disputes. It’s not as much fun, but it is more effective and creates a better environment for everyone in the long run.

Your_Majesty's avatar

@SuperMouse and @Kardamom I understand and I know you’re going to say that. But believe me or not that girl will never stop doing what she’s doing if she hasn’t learned a lesson. Gossip is a trend nowadays and can get you very popular. Girls love to gossip anyway.

Kardamom's avatar

@Your_Majesty But why make this situation worse? The lesson that the gossiping girl will learn (if everybody stops listening to her) is that her gossip isn’t of any value. The gossiping girl gets a charge out of spreading information and then getting a huge reaction for it. If everybody stops reacting to her, then she will would stop. It’s as simple as that. The information is already out there, it’s up to @Julietxx3 and her friends to stop giving this girl an audience, and just say “Ho hum, we’ve already heard that before.” and just walk away.

The other way to teach the gossiping girl a lesson is to report her to the principal, but understandably, these kids don’t want to get any adults involved (at least not at this point).

Gossiping and violence and “giving it” to someone, are really bad life lessons. @Julietxx3 is 14 years old and on the brink of womanhood. She should learn how to solve problems like an adult. Part of being an adult is refusing to acknowledge gossip, refusing to resort to violence and setting a good example, herself.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I think it shows lack of integrity on his part to want you to do/say something. He should stick up for himself and also the girl he had sex with.

Your_Majesty's avatar

@Kardamom And how exactly could you know that others won’t listen to her? As I know people (mostly girls) around that age love gossip and a juicy gossip will be a satisfaction for any eager ears around. As I know most principal will take this matter very lightly since this isn’t really a serious matter (and don’t you think this will bring that two couple in trouble if the school authorities know about this? They may get embarrassment,suspension,or even worse,worse than what that girl will get). These matter is more likely belong to the kids. As I know no kids around that age that will tell their parents or principal if they’re bullied at school. They’re mature enough to handle it themselves and that is how it works. To tell you the truth (I hate being Ms. Negative) the gossip has been flowing and not only this particular girl,her friends or other gossip lover girls will spread this gossip and so on. Let see if you can punish them all. As I have said,gossip is a popular culture nowadays. Most popular girls love gossip too.

Gossiping isn’t immature,it’s just a hobby/habit like smoking,cursing,etc. It’s the nature of social creatures to trade information (no matter what kind of information it is,especially the exciting one). This one,unfortunately is a fact,so I can’t be considered as a gossip since it’s the truth. This is a news.

King_Pariah's avatar

Honestly, he should have the balls to man up and tell her to shut up. It’s pathetic he has to go through you as an avenue of approach. but if you wish to confront her, go ahead and do so, but it may result in you being pulled into this mess much farther than you wanted too.

Buttonstc's avatar

He needs to learn to keep both his pants and his mouth zipped up.

Asking you to run interference for him is ridiculous. I realize that you consider him as a close friend but he is pushing things way too far. He wants YOU to deal with the consequences of HIS actions. He’ll never learn anything that way.

One of the most helpful life lessons for anyone to learn is that behavior has consequences. When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.

He needs to deal with his own consequences. Hopefully he will learn from this.

Magdalene's avatar

You should stay out of it as its none of your business. I understand you like your friend very much and wants to protect him but this is not the right way. That girl would start telling stories about you too and well its better if your guy friend can speak to her directly otherwise everything will be messed up and it will definitely go to some ADULT which you would never want I hope so.

Julietxx3's avatar

Thanks every one! I honestly will most likely stay out of it, but if I don’t I promise NOT to use violence and just speak to her calmly. But I will ask Jason to talk to her himself first. He has so problem doing so, he just really wanted me to slap the crap out of her! lol

stupidcomedycenter's avatar

dont slap her across the face.

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