General Question

minniemau5's avatar

How do I get closure?

Asked by minniemau5 (432points) May 25th, 2011

I ask a question yesterday:

Anyway I got some really great answers (thank you!), and he’s texted me once today, to which I haven’t replied. I think I might just give him the silent treatment for a few days; give him a taste of his own medicine. Then depending on how he reacts maybe I’ll say something, but keep it short and sweet. I wanted to clear up the Twitter thing. I myself do not have Twitter, but he sent me a link to a ‘twitpic’ he had uploaded weeks ago, that’s how I came across it. I then decided to look at his profile for an answer to why he has pretty much stopped texting me. I know it was kind of an immature thing to do, but hey, his profile is completely public…
I discovered that the girl he is going after is his ex (Which is totally gross in my opinion considering he’s 20 and she’s like 15 or 16..)

Anyway.. I don’t know how I feel about completely cutting contact with him without any kind of closure. Any advice on what to say/do?

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17 Answers

BarnacleBill's avatar

You probably should say nothing about it, and let it run its course. It’s easy to misconstrue things from a distance.

Decide what you want to do when he comes back to school in the fall. He’s in college, and she’s a junior? in high school? You do ultimately hold the cards if you keep your counsel.

marinelife's avatar

Why don’t you tell him that you found the twitter stuff with his ex, and you don’t want to get back together when he comes back.

Judi's avatar

There’s no such thing as “closure.” Just time. My adcvice on the other thread would still be the same.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I’m not sure what the point is in playing games with him at this point (the silent treatment). You aren’t in a relationship with him right now. From the sound of things, the plan was for the two of you to get back together in the fall, but in light of the recent events, you no longer want that to happen. Why not just be honest with him and tell him that it’s over. You’ve learned what you needed to learn about him this summer and that’s that he wanted to have his fling while he was home and he went after it (whether he gets it or not is another discussion). If you don’t want to reunite with him as your boyfriend in the fall, why not just tell him that now and be done with it?

zenvelo's avatar

My advice on the other thread also stands, the new info doesn’t change my mind.

Sunny2's avatar

My advice? Stop fussing so much. Young people are always saying, “Get a life.” I’m so glad I’m not young anymore.

_zen_'s avatar

Tweet that it’s over.

blueiiznh's avatar

Sorry to hear your hurt.
You however need to accept that he did not respect you. Move on.

GingerMinx's avatar

Giving him the silent treatment is childish and ultimately will achieve nothing. From what you say here he prefers little girls to women so why do you want to be with him anyway? I mean, ewwwwww. As to the break up for the summer, what crap. You are either a couple or your not, it really is very simple. Frankly I would give yourself closure by telling him to get lost.

Poser's avatar

He’s 20 and dating a 15 year old? You don’t need closure, you need to call the police.

XYZZYtja's avatar

Well if he’s 20 and she is 15, it is legal right? (Atleast from where I am from) If she wants to be with im, it is her own choice… Altough, I would also say that the gap between 20 and 15 is a little bit over the top… I think 19 and 15 should be possible, (My mom always told me, that ladys are 2 years older from what their reall age is… Dont know why she told me though, but I always kept it in the back of my head)
Ontopic: I do think you should just tell the guy it’s over… I dont think it will do you any good not to do anything… Ofcource it will be difficult for you, but consider why you are doing it…

I hope I helped you out, even if it’s just a little bit..

Poser's avatar

If my 15 year old daughter was dating a 20 year old guy, I’d be calling the police, or worse.

XYZZYtja's avatar

i think it is different for every family… Now, what if the male comes to you, and asks you about the subject if it is ok with you… I’m kinda curious because im 19 and I’ve met a girl who is 15… She told me that she didn’t had sex before… And I told her that I wont push her into anything, and that I could wait, ofcource I also told her that I understood it that if she doesnt want to be around me since I’m 4 years older, I would understand.

So I give her total freedom… Im not pushing or anything, I just said to her that i would like to hangout with her, even if it’s not going to be anything between us,

I guesse that it will be ok then right? Please, let me know what you think about it Poser. Or anyone else who has a 15 year old daughter

Poser's avatar

@XYZZYtja: For the record, I don’t have a daughter. But if I did, I would be quite uncomfortable with her hanging out with any boy who was four or five years older than her. That is an extremely vulnerable time for any girl, and, having been a 19 year old boy once, I know exactly what is on his mind. No matter how “respectful” he might be, he has not had time to develop the ability (or desire) to control his hormones, and the age difference makes him more able to manipulate a girl that much younger.

As my mother used to say when I was that age, “I trust your intentions, but not your judgement.”

Besides, it’s illegal. For good reason.

XYZZYtja's avatar

Aah, I agree,
So, if I want to be “respectfull” only thing that I can do is let her go…
Because I want to be the guy who’s respectfull and not making people think I manipulated her.. That really aren’t my intentions,

Thanks for you response Poser… It was an eyeopener for me!

Poser's avatar

@XYZZYtja: You sound much more mature than I was at 19. The four years between you two won’t be a big deal the older you get. Keep in touch with her if you wish, but understand that you both have a lot of changing to do in the next decade or so.

roundsquare's avatar

When did relationships become so adversarial?

No matter what you do, you’ll feel bad after its over. Just break up with him now.

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