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kheredia's avatar

How do I get through an unwanted bachelorette party?

Asked by kheredia (5561points) May 27th, 2011

I’m getting married in two weeks and some of my close friends had already planned to go out of town the weekend before the wedding. Now, one of my cousins, who I’m not really close to, is insisting on having a bacholerette party for me this Sunday. BUT… she wants to get a stripper, even though I had already previously told her I DON’T LIKE STRIPPERS!!! So now I’m trying to be polite by letting her do her thing but I really don’t want this guy all over me at the party. I have a thing about strange men touching me or being too close. How can I tell my cousin that I don’t want this guy dancing specifically for me? I don’t care what her and her friends do with this guy, I just don’t want to be in the middle of it.

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15 Answers

incendiary_dan's avatar

Simple: don’t go. That’ll make them feel silly pretty quickly.

BarnacleBill's avatar

I see food poisoning in your future…. Or, plan your own party. Dinner and drinks some place nice. Perhaps go see Bridesmaids. Nothing says you have to be polite to someone who doesn’t understand the meaning of “no.” If all else fails, she’s your cousin – call her mother.

derekfnord's avatar

Put your foot down. You’re the one getting married, not your cousin. It’s not about her or her friends. Insist on having the party you want, and tell ‘em to have a stripper at a different party if they want a stripper.

kheredia's avatar

Well my REAL bachelorette party is going to be next weekend with my friends. This stripper party came up just a couple days ago and it was suppose to be just a get together with some drinks and music, but yesterday I was informed that she did hire a stripper. I don’t want to seem like a party pooper so I’m willing to go and hang out. I just don’t know how else to tell her that I don’t want this guy dancing for me.

Cruiser's avatar

This could be your last and only time to let your hair down and let loose with your girl friends? Just let the stripper know you want a hands off show and you will not be the first to request this! Have a great time and congrats on your soon to be marriage!

WestRiverrat's avatar

Get some syrup of ipecac and spike your cousin’s drink.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Tell her that you appreciate the gesture, but no means no – and remind her that she can go to a strip club any old day of the week.

Kardamom's avatar

Tell her that you appreciate the gesture, but be very firm when you tell her that she needs to cancel the stripper, because it just isn’t your thing and you would feel uncomfortable and embarassed. Tell her that you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but you simply just don’t want the stripper and that’s that.

obvek's avatar

Tell the stripper ASAP that you don’t consent to any individual attention or touching. I’m sure he will cooperate. Ask him to deflect attention away from you and toward the other ladies.

Jeruba's avatar

If I were in your place, I think I would tell the cousin plainly that I would like her to cancel the stripper. If I went ahead and attended and the stripper showed up, that would be my cue to say “Excuse me” politely and leave the room (or the house) until the show is over. If it takes too long, I might not come back.

BarnacleBill's avatar

If you normally would not go to strip club, don’t go to the party or put your foot down. Pictures of you with the stripper will surface on Facebook; I’m sure your cousin will make sure of that. I don’t agree with @Cruiser that having a stripper needs to be part of “letting your hair down and letting loose” with your girlfriends.

Your cousin sounds like a manipulative bully. The bride tells you they don’t want a stipper at the party, and you hire one anyways, is manipulation. I thought peer pressure ended in high school.

kheredia's avatar

I wish I had the guts to just not show up or tell her to cancel the whole thing, but everybody, including my sister, is telling me that I should just go and try to enjoy it as best I can. It seems as though this is what everybody wants and I would probably be looked at as a very selfish, ungrateful person if I don’t show up. I really don’t want to be stirring up emotions amongst my family right now. Not two weeks before the wedding. I think I’m just going to go and I’m going to tell the stripper not to give me any individual attention. I would much rather suck it up for a couple hours then have my cousin tell my entire family that she spent X amount of money on this party “for me” and I didn’t even show up.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@kheredia It’s up to you – but I can tell you that my mother uses the “I did it for you, sweetie” line with shocking frequency as a way to get me to take whatever it is she is handing out, and to paint me as an ungrateful, selfish daughter should I decide that I just really don’t want it. It’s actually a really popular technique for people that emotionally blackmail you – which maybe this is, and maybe this isn’t, I don’t know, I just think it’s a point to be made. But at the end of the day, no means no, no matter what the intentions are – and really, are they really thinking of you sooooo much if they won’t respect your wishes? Seems to me, that’s the selfish part.

Jeruba's avatar

What’s wrong with the idea of going to the party but excusing yourself from the scene if a stripper shows up? You don’t owe it to anybody to submit to this if it distresses you so much. Isn’t anyone supporting your position? How about your fiance?

kheredia's avatar

I survived!!! Lol!! I went to the party and told my cousin and my sister that I didn’t want to be tossed around by this guy and that I expected them to respect that. When he arrived I told him as polite as I could that I would like to have a hands off show for me but he could do as he pleased with all the other ladies. He was very professional about it and we all had a fun time. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Thank you all for all of your good advice and support. I’m not sure how I would’ve gone through this with out your help.

@Jeruba my fiance was actually with you on this one, but he respected my decision in not wanting to cause any bad feelings amongst my family by not going. He was very supportive and understanding, which is one of the many reasons I love him as much as I do.

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