General Question

tianalovesyou's avatar

What can I do to help myself?

Asked by tianalovesyou (709points) May 28th, 2011

My mom is verbally abusive. She calls me names, and swears a LOT. She is also physically abusive sometimes. I can’t see a therapist or anything, because my mom would know. Is there anyone one else I could talk to without saying anything to anybody else? Or is there anything else I can do for myself?

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14 Answers

Tropical_Willie's avatar

School counselor or minister.

Nullo's avatar

Tell her this. If it doesn’t work, go to the proper authorities. I second minister and school counselor, though failing all else, you could call the police. Abuse ought not to be tolerated.

chyna's avatar

Have you tried to talk to your dad about this? You need another adult to talk to.

eyemadreamer's avatar

Get older. That’s how I amended my own situation. I grew up in a similar situation. Now I have moved 4000 miles away. I tried talking to a trusted teacher, which is a good idea for you to do.

AshLeigh's avatar

I agree with school counselor, or minister.
You can talk to me, if you like… My dad was the same way. :/

Ajulutsikael's avatar

I don’t know what to tell you. I was in the same situation when I was younger and at times my mom still does it and I’m 28. I tried going to counselors, ministers, therapists and teachers, no one believed me. Child services was even called on us and my mom knew how to sweet talk them into leaving. I was threatened if they were ever alerted again, so I just did what I was told and avoided conflict as much as possible.

Nowadays I think people are more willing to listen. If your grades drop suddenly they will also suspect something. I immersed myself in school to avoid contact with my mom, so my grades were consistent and not a red flag for anyone. Not to mention I was never allowed to stay after school.

I’m hoping that you can get help from your school, sorry to sound discouraging but I don’t want you to totally lose hope if nothing seems to work out for you. Rely on yourself and prove your mom wrong. Prove to her you’re going to be better than she ever thought you would be. That’s how I made it.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Do you lie to your mother?
Do you steal from her?
Do you curse at her?
Do you hit her or threaten her?

If the answer is no then keep in mind your mother is her own problem. You can feel sorry for her and love her but still be a good daughter by keeping away from her. You’re not required to forgive or forget her mis treatment but you can do all you can to keep out of her way until you can leave her home.

Look into teen outreach programs through your school, extracurricular activities you can keep yourself busy with and to be around positive people. Look into legal emmancipation if your in your last year of high school, go to your local Jr. College and find out about summer programs for all ages, ask your own school’s guidance counselor to introduce you to internship programs, volunteering, get you a student mentor.

Do whatever you can right now to minimize the damage done. You need to have confidence, affirmation and support. From somewhere.

Hibernate's avatar

Accept her the way she is.
Don’t try to change her ... n’or talking to someone because that someone can give you a wrong advice then end up with a worse situation.

My dad used to be that way… then I grew up and beated the sh*t out of him once to make him stop [ wish it was true ^^ though I had the strenght I never went that far ] ... no no Just imagine happy thoughts about your mom .. maybe even try to help her deal with her issues.
Maybe our mom had issues with her parents as a kid. Maybe you need to help her deal with her grief.
She needs to forgive the one that caused this.

Anyway I’ll pray for you and hopefully things will change.

Be blessed.

manolla's avatar

Talk to your dad and or to a trusted adult about it and explain how you are feeling.
It would be best if your mom can see a therapist to help her deal with her issues.

AshLeigh's avatar

Accept that she’s abusive? That’s terrible advice! No one should ever abuse their child, verbally, or physically. And to tell someone to accept it is an aweful thing to say.

rock4ever's avatar

You can talk to me anytime if you wish. I’m with you on the same boat and I understand the pain. Maybe we can both help each other. :)

Jeruba's avatar

If addiction is in the picture, you might think about going to Alateen. It can really help to talk to people who know what you’re going through and can help you focus on the things you can actually do something about.

elspethe's avatar

First of all, it is great you are reaching out here to this large community! Abuse is very damaging so you have to work extra hard at surrounding yourself with kind and supportive people…because of the abuse you MAY tend towards people who treat you similarly. Discover your Gifts and tend to them… Also, it may help to have witnesses to the abuse somehow. My mother was also very abusive and was mostly so when there was nobody around. People like this are very difficult to deal with…and try as you might, you are not made of teflon. It MAY help to foster some compassion for her if at all possible…as the abuse likely comes from abuse or neglect she suffered…perhaps you can ask her about her childhood…

If you are as young as your icon indicates, you are surely very malleable and can overcome this treatment with some steps: talking to a counselor, member of the clergy, relatives, etc. I detect you are afraid that your mother will know about seeing a therapist and retaliate, but you really must…and at least you will then have a record of it… I also wonder if you have relatives you could stay with for your own safety as you indicate physical abuse. Abuse is a very serious thing and treated so much more so now than when I was a child…you need someone to intervene on your behalf.

Someone above also said to accept her as she is…you can try that, take an emotional step back, and know you are not she! Please take care and keep us posted.

tianalovesyou's avatar

Thanks everyone! (:
Yeah, she was abused by her mother as a child. She briefly saw a therapist with my dad. But not anymore. I’m not sure why.

But I will definitely talk to my dad about this. Unfortunately, my school is VERY small and doesn’t have any counselors.

A couple of years ago I told my teacher my mom hit me and it ended up in a disaster… my parents talked to the teacher and told her I over reacted, blah blah blah. So, I think its best I talk to my dad, and maybe he can do something…..

Anyways, thanks for the support! It made me feel a lot better! :D

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