General Question

Bri_L's avatar

Is it hard for you to apologize? How do you do it? Are people usually kind enough to accept?

Asked by Bri_L (12191points) April 25th, 2008

Some people can’t at all. Some people make excuses (different from explaining why it happened). I recently screwed up and was wrong, so I apologized and the people were kind enough to accept my apology.

I realize there are different levels of wrong doing so please speak to what ever you feel comfortable.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

15 Answers

wildflower's avatar

It’s important to apologise when you regret your actions or you’re sorry for the impact of your actions.
Other times you may want to apologise for mis-perception or the “greater good”.

I try to apply this myself, but sometimes I need a cooling down period first :)

and I find in most cases people accept an apology if it’s sincere or comes at the right time…..in the heat of the moment, people aren’t always ready for it.

gailcalled's avatar

My experience has been, as both the apologiser and the apologee, is that both parties usually fall into each others’ arms and sob tears of joy. What a relief to end the conflict.

scamp's avatar

Whatever the situation was, I am proud of you for doing that. It takes a strong person to do what you did, and my respect of you has grown. It makes you a true gentleman. I wonder what people find it harder to do, apologize or admit they were wrong?

wildflower's avatar

That’s an interesting add on question Scamp.
I find it easier to apologise than admit I’ve done wrong. Not sure if it’s because of years of working in customer service that I have no problem apologising for what I may have caused or inflicted – as well as when I realise I did wrong.
But, when I’ve done wrong – I usually take longer to get over it than the other person (I’m a little neurotic like that)

scamp's avatar

I think I am the same wildflower. I think it’s easier to apologize for somehing than to admit your wrong doing as well.

Bri_L's avatar

Thanks Scamp. I appreciate it.

I am the same way wildflower. i don’t let myself off the hook easy.

susanc's avatar

Apologizing can’t hurt you.
If someone is injured by you, then you regret it, so it’s good to say that – it’s the first step.
Really grasping what went wrong isn’t necessary. You might have to think about it. Meanwhile, you respond to the feelings – the injured
party’s feelings (even if they’re misperceiving); your feelings (of not having wanted to cause harm).
It took me 30 years to learn this – then everything got easier.

susanc's avatar

Forgot this part:
“Are people usually kind enough to accept?”

Yes, they are, in my limited experience. I think I’ve been lucky.

I really like the way you phrased this: are they kind enough. That’s astute. A lot of us don’t want to apologize unless we believe the apology will be accepted and we’ll get the relationship back where we want it. But being sorry is not a bargain. It’s an outflowing of concern.

mzgator's avatar

I have absolutely no problem admitting when I am wrong and apologizing. Luckily for me, my apologies have been accepted.

I grew up in a family where my mother was never wrong about anything. She also never lost in a game….the other person cheated. I guess seeing that behavior all of my life made me realize that I did not want to be like that.

Bri_L's avatar

@ susanc – it is really hard to apologize when you are not sure it will be accepted.

@ my dad, mom and my brother were never wrong like that when I grew up. that was difficult to deal with.

nocountry2's avatar

I’m getting better at it as I get older, really trying to make a conscious effort at not being too proud to accept my share of the responsibility in arguments… But I get frustrated when the other party doesn’t subscribe to that notion. Generally in my experience it seems like it’s more difficult for men to apologize than women, and women tend to be more apologetic and take on more of the blame just so things can move on.

scamp's avatar

My Father was one of those never wrong types too. He would swear that the sky is purple even tho he fully knew it was blue, just to win an argument.

gailcalled's avatar

@Scamp; So was my father. Well put.

Vincentt's avatar

Perhaps it’s odd, but I find it easier to admit I was wrong than to apologize. Furthermore, I find apologizing easier when writing than to say it in front of someone, but I guess that’s normal :)

I do know that I am usually very impressed when someone apologizes.

wildflower's avatar

I think how hard/easy it is to apologise might also be linked to habits where you are. For example where I currently live; if you’re walking down the highstreet, chances are, people will bump in to you – they don’t seem to try to avoid it – but almost as a reflex they’ll say “sorry”.....they even say it if they get in your way and almost bump in to you. Saying “sorry” is something I do every single day, so an apology is not hard for me to utter. Admitting I have done something I shouldn’t or done the opposite of what I should have…..that’s not so easy.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther