Social Question

Evelyn_475's avatar

Why do men flake so much?

Asked by Evelyn_475 (787points) June 2nd, 2011

I am single and dating. I have encountered men who flake more than I can count. It has become my number one annoyance and it is getting to the point where I just assume that no one will pull through on their word. This has stood true through boyfriends as well as online dating encounters. I do not want to give second chances so I usually just write off these guys because I am like, “If you can’t even pull through on a simple meet up than you probably won’t be there when it really counts!” Sometimes I feel that I am being a little harsh, but I am not willing to settle.

I just don’t understand men. Is it in their nature to flake? Or am I just a control freak when it comes to making plans?

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16 Answers

FutureMemory's avatar

Women flake as well.

Vunessuh's avatar

STOP GENERALIZING! Women can have dandruff too! GOSH!

Evelyn_475's avatar

Well, I don’t date women so…

FutureMemory's avatar

@Evelyn_475 It would have made more sense to say “Why do people flake?”

Aethelwine's avatar

You don’t want to give second chances on a simple meet up gone wrong? Yikes. I think you are being a bit too harsh. No one is perfect. Shit happens.

Coloma's avatar

It’s a character flaw and a sigh of gross immaturity. You are right to see it as a huge red flag.
Stay strong in your convictions.

Blackberry's avatar

“You don’t want to give second chances on a simple meet up gone wrong? Yikes. I think you are being a bit too harsh. No one is perfect. Shit happens.” – jonsblond

Plucky's avatar

I think both genders can “flake” rather equally. Either way, it’s not a very desirable trait in my books.

I actually thought this question was about dandruff.

augustlan's avatar

A lot of people get really nervous, and may back out for that reason. If they don’t tell you they’re not going to show, that’s shitty. If they do tell you, I’d be more inclined to cut them a break.

_zen_'s avatar

1. How old are you?
2. Who are you?
3. We’re getting one side of the story.
4. You said, because I am like, “If you can’t even pull through on a simple meet up than you probably won’t be there when it really counts!”

I don’t recall, at any age, setting up a date and the other is a no-show. Something here is very wrong with your communication. All men, whatever age we’re talking about here (I’m guessing very young) are not flakes.

Try to answer seriously and truthfully – then you might get some real answers. Then do with them as you like. Hey, it’s free – and you never know what you might learn.

Evelyn_475's avatar

@FutureMemory if I used that phrasing then it wouldn’t make sense in the context of my question/dilemma.
@Coloma exactly the way I feel it is a definite red flag and I feel like I have traveled down that road before with men, “let it go” and got played out.

Evelyn_475's avatar

@zen I am young, however I have excellent communication skills. As a matter of fact I am starting to think that my communication skills are too on point, and it might be driving men away because I like to know the plan well ahead of time. I am a planner. Type “A” personality all the way.

_zen_'s avatar

@Evelyn_475 Good on you. Now you have the answer. Denial.

erichw1504's avatar

They forget to use Head & Shoulders.

Evelyn_475's avatar

@zen denial of what?

roundsquare's avatar

@Evelyn_475 @zen is right. We need more details. How much of the “plan” are you telling them ahead of time? I thought we were talking first dates here. How much can you do to scare them off BEFORE the first date?

If you are having multiple men flake on you in a row, then its probably something you are doing or something about the type of men you like? Are you discussing marriage in great detail on the phone before a first date? Are you asking the guy to take you out to dinner at a crazy expensive restaurant? Are you laying out a long list of things you like in a man that might be intimidating? Etc…

Otherwise, are you trying to date a particular type of guy? How old?

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