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Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

When it comes to kids and sex is it really a waste of time telling them the difference between love and lust?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26783points) June 9th, 2011

It is said that you best arm kids with prophylactics and information about sex because they are just going to do it anyhow. While acquiescing that fact why waist time trying to tell them the difference of having sec as a loving connected experience with one you have emotion for and just plain ******* for the fun of it because the media makes it seem like the best rollercoaster ride on the planet? Why not just hand them the Trojans, give them the Planned Parenthood express phone number, go make a pot of tea and kick back?

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12 Answers

marinelife's avatar

No, it is not a waste of time. It will stay in the back of their mind as a potential measuring tool for when they are really in love.

tranquilsea's avatar

As with much of parenting: you just keep talking and hope they listen. So, no, it is not a waste of time.

blueiiznh's avatar

Of course you need to tell them the difference.
The biggest thing you can do is set the right example. Ensure they see and know what the difference is.
Kids learn by example and nurturing the right things and values.
The problem with handing out Trojans and kicking back and enjoying a pot of tea is that you are going to have more than a pot of tea to deal with.
Save the tea and trojans and help them learn and see the difference.

Zaku's avatar

No it’s not a waist (sic) nor a waste of time. It makes a world of difference, and since a person’s entire life can be changed by sex, it’s good to include as much of the truth as possible, especially the better part rather than the hypercommercialized part.

Bellatrix's avatar

I think both are appropriate. I have spoken to my children about the responsibilities and consequences of sex, about the emotional and physical aspects. I have also given my son a packet of condoms because when he does go there, I don’t want him to go there unprotected and I was concerned he might feel shy going to a chemist OR he might not listen to a word I said OR it might leave his brain completely when that girl says yes and he remembers he didn’t buy condoms. We have seen here a young man saying “I withdrew before ejaculation” and thinking that was protection enough. A young person driven by lust may not (edit. will not) be thinking “my mum said…” when the time is right (or wrong).

raven860's avatar

If out of 10 kids, if only even one listens to it, then it is worth it!

creative1's avatar

Kids should start young being taught about sex and it should be built on slowly, its not an on slaught of information all at once.

You should be talking to your kids daily to gage them on where they are in maturity and go from there as to what topics your going over.

I don’t ever remember a talk per say with my mother or father but yet I always knew about sex and what was right and wrong and what to do. I knew about birth control and that I could get it on my own with out my parents permission if I so choose to and that fact came from my mother. In fact I referred one of my friends who couldn’t talk to her mother about sex when she thought she might be pregnant but wasn’t to talk to my mother about the topic and how to talk to her mother about birth control so this didn’t happen to her again where it wasn’t just a scare next time.

By handing them the pack of Trojans and kicking back and enjoying the pot of tea @blueiiznh is correct in what he says you will have more to deal with than a pot a tea.

Blueroses's avatar

I think it’s leading by example. (I am not a parent but I had a couple)

Be honest about questions about the physical but demonstrate the love in your home. Show how connected you are as parents through all the aspects of love. Cuddling, fighting, forgiveness for imperfections, being a team. Tell your child that infatuation will override common sense and you understand that but you have to show the difference in your daily life.

heh heh. Try not to be a hypocrite.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes, it’s really important and best told with examples kids can relate to, like family histories.

JLeslie's avatar

Not a waste of time. Even if the teen girl has sex with a boyfriend at the age of 15 because she think she is in love, it is better in my opinion than having sex at a party with some random guy from school. The former might still be just a lust thing, because they are so horny they just want to screw, and don’t really know what love is yet, but at least I like to think they have some sort of trust between the two of them, some kind of relationship.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

No parent who is not a waste of skin would consider the time and effort they invest teaching their children about personal responsibility and values-based choices (morals) to be time wasted. It is worthwhile ever where it appears to go unheeded.

Haleth's avatar

When I have children, I want to send them into the world armed with all the information they need. I’ll introduce it in an age-appropriate manner, of course.

When I was younger, I always wondered why there were so many rules, and I hated all of them. Then one day I heard this, and it became so blindingly obvious: kids have bad judgment. Anybody with less life experience is going to have trouble making the best decision, even if they want to do the right thing.

There are some things that nobody teaches you, like that both partners are entitled to having their needs met in a relationship. That sounds obvious, but it was something I had to figure out on my own. My kids will probably hate having these conversations with their mom, but hopefully when they go out on their own, there will be this obnoxious little voice inside their heads.

Of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong with lust for the sake of lust. That can be awesome. But mixing up the two and finding out the hard way is really tough.

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