Social Question

Bellatrix's avatar

Women: how assertive are you? Men: how do you respond to assertive women?

Asked by Bellatrix (21242points) June 9th, 2011

I am just watching a psychologist talking about the notion that girls are raised to be “nice girls” but as adults, in order to reach our goals, we need to move away from some of those rules and become assertive. Are you assertive and in what ways do you demonstrate your assertiveness? Or do you tend to come across as aggressive or passive?

And men, can you explain how well you relate to assertive women and provide examples of interactions where women have got being assertive right or totally wrong (and have been either too passive or aggressive)?

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8 Answers

tom_g's avatar

I cannot relate to men or women who are passive. To me it just comes off as dishonest at best – or neurotic. I find it difficult to trust these people. What do they really want, think, or feel? It’s some scary shit.

Assertive to me means being somewhat aware of your ideas, emotions, and needs, and a willingness to express those things regardless of the consequences. Assertive to me doesn’t mean being a jerk. It means being honest.

Just my take.

josie's avatar

My girlfriend is very assertive. That is good for both of us. Otherwise I would be insufferable.

Plucky's avatar

In person (and on the phone), I am rather passive. I am passive because it’s my nature ..and a learned behaviour. For me, it’s not about hiding anything. It is about my nervousness around other people. I am very honest ..some say too honest. I don’t think the average person realizes just how extremely difficult it can be for a passive person. It takes a lot to learn and practice assertion. Something as simple as calling the electric company, to contest a charge on my bill, can make me very anxious. Seriously, it is really bloody difficult
With my immediate family, I am able to be quite assertive. I am clear on my goals, values and boundaries with them.

Online and/or in writing, I can be very assertive.

I know most people are much more assertive than I am. But, for me, it’s a huge step and I’m always learning how to assert myself more (especially in person).

I am not aggressive in person. Online, it has happened rarely.

My partner is female and she’s assertive enough for both of us. I’m so very thankful for that.

Blackberry's avatar

Assertiveness is a great quality, but in moderation, of course. I’ve had two assertive women in my life; one was the greatest woman I’ve ever met, and one was the worst I’ve ever met….The bad one was pretty authoritative, while the other was very independent and an “I’m my own woman” type of woman that was very career driven, but still had time for her SO (me, lol).

I think assertive women are more progressive, and I just don’t think a woman that strives to be a quiet housewife is living to her full potential, in my opinion.

woodcutter's avatar

I wouldn’t have had this wife if she wasn’t assertive. She pretty much was forced to work with a box of rocks…back then.

Haleth's avatar

@tom_g ”...and a willingness to express those things regardless of the consequences.”

Well, that’s why some people have trouble being assertive. Sometimes the potential consequences of speaking up outweigh the consequences of staying quiet.

augustlan's avatar

Assertive, to me, is really all about confidence. Walking with your head up, speaking clearly and freely, letting your thoughts, wishes and goals be known. And taking some sort of action when something is wrong so as to not let yourself (or others) be taken advantage of. I consider myself assertive, but not in any way aggressive. I’m assertively nice in my day to day life, and assertively strong when the situation calls for it.

Schroedes13's avatar

I think assertiveness is amazing as long as it doesn’t stray into authoritativeness. There are few things more attractive than an assertive woman!

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