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Blondesjon's avatar

Any suggestions on how I can better prepare for my trip to the future?

Asked by Blondesjon (33976points) June 11th, 2011

I have been experimenting with various food/drug/cosmetic combinations lately that will enable me to enter a near death stasis.

Why would I do this?

Because I would like to travel to the future. I checked in to cryogenics but the cell damage is much to severe to even consider it viable. I hit upon the idea that I could put myself in to a state of suspended animation that would allow me to sleep my way in to 2300’s and beyond with negligible aging. The recipe is top secret but contains, among other things – NyQuil, Oil of Olay, Fruity Pebbles, and Vicodins.

I need to know what to stockpile with me for my awakening 300+ years from now. Is there anything I could have on hand when I come to that would allow me to adapt to our Brave New World a little easier?

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33 Answers

FutureMemory's avatar

Spare parts for your Delorean.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

How about taking Jonsblond along for the ride?

jaytkay's avatar

Smokes. They won’t have any smokes. Either you will want them, or a carton of Marlboros will certainly fetch a hefty price.

Bellatrix's avatar

You will need some of your favourite alcohol to toast your safe arrival :D Well I would… and if it turns out the future is really shit, you will need lots of said alcohol to sooth your sorrows.

Are you planning to come back? If so, a camera to film all the action so you can show us when you return.

incendiary_dan's avatar

Toilet paper.

lloydbird's avatar

Clean underpants.

marinelife's avatar

Be sure and ask right away to see the orgasmatron.

Blondesjon's avatar

@marinelife . . . lurve for barbarella

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

Anti radiation meds. And, it never hurts to bring a towel.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

And they think me weird ;-)—I.D. for one. You might want to carry some currency incase they still use money, and if not you will have one heck of a gem for some collector. Maybe try and take @ jonsblond with you. Some comfortable hiking shoes, a rain slicker, some canned goods that won’t spoil hopefully, clothes vacuum sealed so they don’t rot away. A brush or comb. A map might help to a point, a stout commando knife. A slingshot with ammo incase civilization declined to the point you have to hunt your meals on the hoof. Crossbow with a big carton of bolts. Compass. Matches or something to make fire with, a magnifying glass is good for that. Those items would be a start I would think. are you sure you were only using Vicodins? LOL LOL

koanhead's avatar

Maybe one of these so that you know what time it is when you wake up.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Stock up on Hostess Twinkies, which are chock-full of preservatives.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Sent me all your cash and valuables, I promise to meet you with same in the future.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, the first thing you should do when you get there is go to a second hand store and pick up an invisibility cloak to give you time to figure out what the hell is going on around you before you get thrown in jail.

And I’ll take your pets and care for them. All I need is $1000 for each.

ETpro's avatar

I sincerely hope you are kidding. All you would accomplish by putting yourself into a permanent coma is slopping through the normal aging process till death, which would almost certainly occur far earlier as you would need to be fed by feeding tune an and have waste materials removed by drainage tubes. Your telomores would break down at the same rate in a coma that they do in ordinary life.

If you want to live to see 2300, a better strategy would be to get yourself educated in and involved in the research to prevent the gradual breakage of telomeres, and to actually reverse the loss of length breakage causes..

FutureMemory's avatar

@ETpro I sincerely hope you are kidding.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I sincerely hope I was kidding!

ETpro's avatar

@FutureMemory No, I’m as serious as a heart attack.

FutureMemory's avatar

@ETpro I have a bridge to sell you.

Blondesjon's avatar

@FutureMemory . . . i don’t think he realizes that the oil of olay addresses the aging problem and the fruity pebbles take care of the feeding . . .

FutureMemory's avatar

@Blondesjon I wish people would thoroughly read questions before answering them.

SundayKittens's avatar

The complete series of Alf on VHS and a can of spray cheese. TRUST ME.

ETpro's avatar

OK guys, have fun and laugh it up. The joke’s on me. I figured this was a sarcasm question, but on the outside chance it wasn’t, I answered as if it might be real. Glad it’s all a joke.

Bellatrix's avatar

He will be okay if he eats the Twinkies. They sound as if they have enough chemicals in them to preserve a rhino. Load up on the Twinkies, slather yourself in Oil of Ulan/Ulay and you will arrive looking as gorgeous as ever.

ETpro's avatar

@Bellatrix Ha! Aren’t Twinkies awesome? And by all means go with @jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities‘s advice and don’t forget a towel.

Bellatrix's avatar

Well I never ate one… I just asked what they were the other day. However, the chemical make-up of these “cakes” is quite unsettling. I think they may end up being the final solution to the cockroach problem. Forget borax, put Twinkies under the fridge and dishwasher… problem solved OR mutant cockroaches. That might not bode so well for @Blondesjon though…

JilltheTooth's avatar

Be sure you have your Star Fleet Academy application filled out properly before you go. If you don’t the glitches that would cause would delay your admission.

Blueroses's avatar

@incendiary_dan Toilet paper, hah!
Take this tutorial on using the Three Seashells and you’ll be fine.

Coloma's avatar

I’d be happy to ship a few quarts of a goose poo grass body mask to keep your skin hydrated and full of organically processed nutrients.

Geese have the fastest digestive system of nearly all animals, able to ‘produce’ about a ¼ cup of this amazing product on average, every 8 minutes.

phaedryx's avatar

I’d recommend sports cards, stock certificates, comic books, or anything else smallish and portable that might appreciate in value.

It would be useful to have Chinese, Hindi, Indonesian, Portuguese, etc. dictionaries. Who knows what the dominant language will be? Even if it is still English, English will have absorbed a lot of these other languages.

You’ll want a notarized DNA sample, a copy of your birth certificate, your social security card, etc. You will probably have to prove that you are who you say you are.

Establish a secret phrase that your posterity can use to identify you. Have your children pass the story along to each generation: “Someday your grandpa Jon will show up from the past and need our help. You will know it is him because he’ll tell you [redacted]”

Good Luck!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Seriously…how you gonna poop?

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Make sure you have a spare flux capacitor and compact fuel for it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Ah. Flux capacitor might be the poop fix. Good idea @Dr_Lawrence!

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