Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Why do many people who date expect love to be perfect?

Asked by wundayatta (58638points) June 15th, 2011

“We’re made for each other”
“Soulmates”
“It was meant to be”

Everything has to fall into place perfectly, and then you know it’s love. If one fault appears, then it can’t be meant to be.

In the rest of life, when we run up against a problem, we try to power through it. We fix it. Or solve it. In dating, it seems to me, by far the prevailing view is that only if it works perfectly in a natural way, without the lovers having to deal with any problems, can it be seen as love. Real love. Soul mate love.

Personally, I always felt that it wasn’t until the first major problem that you could be sure your love was strong enough to have a fighting chance to last.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

15 Answers

tom_g's avatar

Love the question. I would imagine that society has created this myth around romantic love that just can’t be lived up to.

It’s really tragic, in my opinion, that two people can be so close and throw it all away because of something silly. Sometimes I think we judge the closest people in our lives too harshly.

quiddidyquestions's avatar

I think many people think love should be like it is in a fairytale. They’re looking for Prince (or Princess) Charming- someone perfectly attractive, perfectly bright, perfectly attentive, perfectly perfect, someone who will complete them, never let them down, and be wonderful all the time.
It’s a pretty stupid notion.

Judi's avatar

You have discovered why the divorce rate is so high. Unrealistic expectations.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Show me a happy, long-term couple that expects the relationship to be perfect. I’ve never met one. There are friends who use the terms “We’re made for each other”, “Soulmates” and “It was meant to be”, but I can pretty much guarantee that they have had their relational hiccups and effectively worked through them and still love each other.

Edit: It is either that, or they are inexperienced when it comes to relationships and have been watching too many Disney movies.

bunnygrl's avatar

The couples who make it are more likely to be hopeful romantics rather than hopeless romantics honey. As @Pied Pfeffer so wisely said the couples who stay together work through their problems and silly arguments (“will you quit leaving the top off the toothpaste!” lol) and they do that because yes, they love their partner but also because the relationship is worth saving, because nobody is perfect, but somebody is perfect for each of us… even if it’s only nearly perfect with a few wrinkles to iron out lol :-) This is such a lovely little question honey,
huggles xx

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Perhaps they feel a nagging sensation that (though not perfect) love can be truly amazing and that they deserve better than what they’ve settled for. I find that love can be tested when you together face life challenges rather than have the challenge be each other and your incompatibility.

linguaphile's avatar

I have a vague memory of being in love as being on the most amazing, nerve-wracking high ever. Cool feeling, if I remember right. I think it’s a remnant of evolution—a psychological programming we have to blind us to the reality of what we’re getting so we will be willing to procreate. We think we’re getting this but actually get this
@bunnygrl, I like “hopeful romantics” it gives a sense that people try again, no matter how bad the last one was… there’s hope!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@linguaphile Seems to me people are willing to procreate without love just fine. A friend of mine actually married a guy she didn’t love to appease her parents and to get pregnant – today we talked about her divorce plan.

linguaphile's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yeah, I agree, love isn’t a prerequisite for procreation. If it was, the European royalty would never have had babies over the past 1500 years. But, it helps, a lot, to at least like who you’re doing the horizontal tango with…
I sincerely hope your friend’s okay- that had to be a toughie.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@linguaphile She’s okay – she will be fine, I will help her.

blueiiznh's avatar

because they have been burned before and will never settle.
or
The watch too many movies in that genre and forget that they are just movies.
or
they have seen parents or couples like that and want for that for themselves.
or
they are perfectionist’s

quiddidyquestions's avatar

@blueiiznh Not to argue with your point about seeing parents or couples “like that,” but… I don’t think anyone is really “like that.” Some people put on a great show, but I can’t imagine a relationship with two reasonably actualized people that doesn’t have at least a little bit of behind-the-scenes drama, arguments, or frustrations.

blueiiznh's avatar

@quiddidyquestions Not to argue back, but there are people who have seen it (whether true or masked) and hold it as a pedestal to reach. I was only answering the question as to why some people do that.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

Well just because of what they expect to happen, and that’s what they expect. But in all fairness to say love is a stepping stone to each new partner till you find your true love. That’s just my own opinion. But my love is just fine.

mattbrowne's avatar

Some cultures are obsessed with the phantom of the perfect partner. A good recipe for more divorces.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther