Social Question

athenasgriffin's avatar

Do you find yourself acting differently in front of people of the opposite sex that you like?

Asked by athenasgriffin (5969points) June 18th, 2011

So I have several example of people acting differently:

1.My best male friend is a bit of a player. He is lovely with me, always there when I need him, always caring, always supportive. But with his girlfriends he isn’t himself. Or at least not who he is with me. He doesn’t treat them well, isn’t considerate of their feelings.
2. The second I meet a guy that I like I become all wide eyed and bushy tailed. I’m strangely nice and accommodating and worst of all it seems to be completely beyond my control. I go strait back to being a fifteen year old on my first date. This seems normal, I know, we all want to make the people we love happy. However, I’ve never been the sort of person who just sits there and smiles blankly. I tend to be more hellfire and brimstone than house and white picket fence. (This doesn’t happen with every guy I date, just the ones I really like.)

So do you act differently in front of your S/O or potentials?
Why do people act differently with people they date?
Why is it so subconscious?

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19 Answers

ucme's avatar

Not since I was made of rubber & didn’t shave yet (about 14)
Since then i’m cool around pretty much anyone :¬)

SavoirFaire's avatar

We act differently with everyone. That’s because our relationships with them are different from our relationships with other people. I don’t make the same kinds of jokes around my mother as I do around my wife because they have different senses of humor. I’m not being inauthentic in one situation or the other, even if I hold back on saying something. I am showing dedication to maintaining the relationship rather than expecting the whole world to conform to me.

tom_g's avatar

@SavoirFaire – great answer.

Related: Have you ever wondered why it’s so easy to know who someone is talking on the phone to, even if you can’t figure out the context? Same thing.

QueenOfNowhere's avatar

no I act like myself.

Bellatrix's avatar

I agree with the point @SavoirFaire makes. I would moderate my language if speaking to my father in comparison to the way I would speak to some of my friends. Different role, different relationship. The person I am reflecting is always me though. I am just projecting different parts of my personality.

Like @ucme, I will say when I was younger and less confident there were times when I was not comfortable with myself and so was awkward around people I was attracted to but that was still me. It was the awkward, teenaged me. I wasn’t putting on an act.

Why might someone present themselves as someone they are not, insecurity? Attempts to impress?

TexasDude's avatar

Yes, because I tend to go for hyper-sophisticated girls and I feel like I have to impress them.

There’s one girl I’ve known and liked for a long time who I act like myself around, though.

wundayatta's avatar

It’s really strange. Whenever I’m around women, I find myself putting on a bunny had, a cummerbund and flippers. I go gallumphing about shouting “Transistor Radio” at the top of my lungs. As soon as the women are gone, I look normal again. Well, what passes for normal in my home.

Tell me, is this normal behavior, or I should I seek immediate medical attention?

athenasgriffin's avatar

@ucme and @Bellatrix I didn’t think about it before, but you’re right, it might be (In my case) insecurity due to my relative youth.
@SavoirFaire That was such an awsome answer I tried to give it two great answers, but Fluther wouldn’t let me.
@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard It’s really sweet that you have one person who appreciates you for who you really are. I’m sure that if you let the sophisticated girls see the real you they’d appreciate it.
@wundayatta An immediate psychological evaluation is certainly merited! Haha

wundayatta's avatar

@athenasgriffin Emergency psych eval, STAT!

athenasgriffin's avatar

@wundayatta I can certainly refer you to my psychiatrist. She is very loose with the medication. LOL

wundayatta's avatar

Gad! All I need is more medication. Do you think she would take me off something?

athenasgriffin's avatar

She really just likes to over medicate people. You know, making us safe for the public and all . . .

wundayatta's avatar

I’d rather be glass-edged and razor wired than blissed out on a fluffy cloud.

Real poo for real pain and shampoo for champagne.

athenasgriffin's avatar

I know what you mean. In all honesty I’ve been off the pills ever since I’ve been out of the parents house.

SavoirFaire's avatar

I’m flattered that so many people liked my answer, but credit where credit is due: my father taught me this lesson at age 13.

athenasgriffin's avatar

Well, the fact that you remember anything specific from age 13 puts you on a higher playing field than me.

Hibernate's avatar

No. I act the same.

Nullo's avatar

Sort of. I’m witty and charming with women that I’m not interested in (very handy at work, let me tell you), but only barely competent when conversing with one that I’d like to date. Wish I could be witty and charming all of the time. :\

SecondHandStoke's avatar

No. I find that being myself works best.

I will turn up the charm a notch or two toward someone I like.

My wife knows it’s only flirting and enjoys observing from a distance. She’s rather socially inept and is fascinated to watch a person being effected by the attention of another, in such cases my attention.

She is most impressed with my ability to get what I want out of people simply by showing a little personal interest and being very approachable.

Any time we are in a retail or service situation where we need the employee to go a little above and beyond I’m the one to have the conversation.

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