What is your opinion on dating websites?

I would never date a website. It’s unnatural.

:-)

My stepdad met his current wife on one and they’ve been happily married for a decade. A niece of mine met her current husband on Jdate and they’ve been married just under a decade.

I know lots of people my age who use sites like match.com or plentyoffish.com. It gets harder to meet people when all of your friends are married, and you’re not. Some of my female coworkers have met some real jerks on there, as in, they met the guy for coffee on a Saturday morning, and when they said they were not interested in cleaning his apartment and having sex afterwards, the guy got up and left, leaving the woman to pay the tab for coffee. These are men in their 50’s.

I know 4 couples who met on online dating sites—3 on eHarmony, one on match.com. All have been married for 5 years, and the relationships seem strong. One was an international relationship.

I met my girlfriend on one. It will be five years next week. When we were apart for six months, I did get back on a couple sites.

They really do vary. I liked match a lot, and I really liked OkCupid. Math is a very traditional dating site, not a lot of counter culture. OkCupid is all over the map, with a lot of people very open about their sexuality.

Both require a bit of a thick skin to be able to handle rejection. There is a lot of judgment based on one’s pictures.

Seems better chance than some bar where there may be so many phonies.. I think busy people can filter a bit, chat, and then decide to meet via a good website Seems quite reasonable to me. Love is important.

Well, I’ll admit I’ve seen a few romances bloom online and become something beautiful…

But I laugh at the ones who are on “dating” sites which are really mail order bride sites. I mean seriously?

Depends on your location. I kind of live in the boondocks, so most of the girls I found when I was an okcupid member were icky white trash.

I did date two girls for a while I met on there though. One of whom swiped my v card and I’ve been in a deeply emotional on again off again thing with for a while. Hell, we will probably wind up married one day, assuming she doesn’t demolish my heart. The other girl turned out to be an absolute balls out psychopath and I’m never speaking to her again.

Overall, I’d recommend it if you live in an area with a… more diverse population. Personally, I’m sticking to the old fashioned way from here on out. The internet is kind of a crazy-magnet.

I’ve had the same success rate on OkCupid as from meeting people in real life – a shit ton hit on you and you go “ew” and move on, a few you go out on a couple of dates with but nothing blossoms from it, and occasionally, you get a relationship. I think there’s a stigma attached to it, so people go “Oh, well, see – I had a bad date from the online dating, so it doesn’t work!” paying no attention to all the bad dates they had from meeting people in bars or bookstores.

I like OkCupid (and hate PlentyOfFish), because it allows me to screen out for dealbreakers – like hates cats, hates gays, hates women, etc – things that I wouldn’t necessarily find out until a few dates in. Saves us both money, time, and energy.

It’s a way to meet people. Don’t see anything wrong with it.

My brother met his wife through Match. I tried e-Harmony for six months. It was highly entertaining, yet resulted in only meeting up with one match, mainly for the reason that @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard gave about not being in an area with a more diverse population.

I have always thought of dating websites to be for people that cannot do any better.

Am I wrong? I would never use one. I have no need to.

I would guess that these sites are better than singles meeting in a bar. There is no alcohol involved to clutter your mind on a website.

Yes or no?

Another issue I had (related to the diversity thing) is that most of my matches were only 60% or so at best. I had a TON of super attractive 90–100% matches in Asheville, NC for some reason. Guess I should move there.

The matching systems on a lot of these sites are actually surprisingly accurate.

When I was on eHarmony during a free period, just to see what I’d get, I opened mine up to the entire world.

All the top 20 men I got as matches were in the UK, mostly in southeast England, but one was in Edinburgh.

I live in NYC. :(

@john65pennington They used to be, but their popularity has shot through the roof due to my generations penchant for being able to date without changing out of your jammies. It’s sorta like how talking on online forums used to be only for people who couldn’t make friends in real life, and now… here you are, on Fluther.

@john65pennington That’s because you’ve been married for a long time (per a recent post of yours). Oh…just look above @MyNewtBoobs response.

Worked for me.

I’ve really no idea how long fluther has been up & running.
They fulfill a need, no harm in them, if that’s what floats your boat.

@john65pennington Back in March of ‘10, an infographic that pulled data from Reuters and The Washington Post was compiled. It showed a few things, like that 40 million Americans do it (roughly 13 percent of the total population of America, including children and married people), and that the industry earns more money than the porn industry.

I think dating sites are a consequence of 21st century living. Our communities have changed. Society has changed. When my parents were young, they knew all their neighbours, they looked after each other’s children and divorce was less common. In the UK, (I don’t know if this is still true) the local pub was the community hub, if you moved into a local area, you could go to the local pub and get to know people in the area.

Now, I think our neighbourhoods are less connected. I couldn’t tell you all my neighbour’s names and I certainly don’t socialise with them. The pubs where I am are more about gambling and drinking than socialising. They certainly aren’t a place I would want to meet people. Divorce is common and single parents are many. A person with children can’t just go out and socialise as they could in the past. They may have nobody (or limited options) to babysit. There may not be a parent or aunt living close by and they may not be so friendly or trusting of their neighbours. So the only option they may have to meet people, even friends, may be online. So, I think dating sites and online mechanisms for meeting other people, are a symptom of the way our lives are connected in the 21st century.

@Bellatrix Very true. Part of the rearranging is the rise of suburbs – the layouts make it impossible for there to be a real central meeting location or even get the hell out of your neighborhood.

I know a few people who use them. I have never used one myself. I have no issue with matchmaking websites in general. Although, there are a few that bother me because of their decision to exclude certain members of society; an example would be eHarmony for excluding GLBT people – if it’s a christian site, then they should at least say so in their ads.
The internet is a common meeting place these days. I don’t see it is as strange ..just a sign of the times.

I didn’t know eHarmony excluded GLBT people! That’s very sad.

@Bellatrix Yeah, they were sued for it too.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard What’s a “v card”?

@Bellatrix After a legal battle accusing them of discrimination, they opened a sister site called “Compatible Partners” for gay couples (although the founder has spoken out about how he’s very against same-sex marriage, and that somehow by providing an option for gays to meet and hookup, they’d be promoting breaking the law, as same-sex marriage is illegal in most states). They’ve also been criticized for not letting roughly 1 in 5 users be matched, due to be divorced too many times, being under 21, providing inconsistent answers in the questionnaire, or my personal favorite, scoring too high on their “dysthymia scale” (because what society really needs is to make being depressed or even having “the blues” even more unacceptable; that seems healthy). Personally, I think if you’re young and/or not Christian Conservative, it’s not a great site to meet people.

@PluckyDog A v card is a metaphorical virginity card. To swipe one’s v card is to loose one’s virginity.

@MyNewtBoobs Well that’s interesting. Never heard that before, thank you. I thought he meant she stole his Visa card but it didn’t seem to make sense with the rest of the sentence. :)

So so. I am not a big fan of the dating websites.

Thank you @MyNewtBoobs. I had never heard this about eHarmony. I appreciate the update.

I’ve never been a member of a dating sit, but I’m only 21. I met my boyfriend when we were in high school. And get this—we met on MySpace (back when it was as “cool” as Facebook is now). How creepy is that? I always tell him we have to find something else to tell our kids, because that just won’t do. I think meeting people online is okay if you’re an ADULT with common sense. Otherwise, it can be dangerous. I think it’s good for those who are older, maybe divorced, who are looking to get back into the dating scene. If you meet “the one” (if that person even exists, but that’s another issue), then bonus! :)

I’ve met 3 girls in person via online dating. I dated one for a few weeks, one for almost a year, and I’m currently dating another.

It takes a lot of work, you have to send a lot of messages (as a guy at least, I can’t speak for the girls), you have to sift through all the results you get, do a lot of “small talk” via e-mail or some kind of chat, and then finally you can get an in person date…. and then if they show up (I had a few no shows over the years)... you’re good to go.

Honestly its a great concept. You go to a place full of other people looking for people, and they have a list of what they want and you have a list of what you want. It takes a long time to find someone who fits but its almost a no fail situation.

I highly recommend plentyoffish.com if you’re interested in it. okcupid.com was ok but not as good. I tried e-harmony with a free trial, and frankly I thought it sucked so I wouldn’t waste my money on that. I have used yahoo personals before, but I think they absorbed that into e-harmony or some other large pay service.

I think it is really creepy and weird. I would rather meet someone in a real world situation, particularly if it was someone that I met while carrying on with my every day business, rather than specifically going out “hunting” for a mate. That’s not to say, that you can just sit back and hope someone jumps into your path. Wherever you go, and whatever you are doing, you have to be out-going, and be someone who another person would want as a friend or a mate and then don’t over look potential mates, but do try to meet good people (male and female) wherever you normally like to be (playing sports, going to the gym, going to the market, participating in activities that are of interest to you such as classes, hiking, taking photographs, participating in book clubs, whatever it is you like to do). You simply have to learn to converse with all sorts of people, young and old. If you can’t carry on a conversation in real life, you ae going to have a difficult time attracting a mate. If you can’t talk to people, but you find someone online, there is likely to be a huge let down, when the other person finds out that you are different in person. When you meet people in your own town, doing what you would already be doing, being friendly and interesting, there’s less likely to be surprises when you date those people that you meet in those settings.

I don’t begrudge people who like online dating, but for me it’s just un-natural. Plus I’ve heard the heartache stories here on Fluther of people who think they’ve found their sould mate online, but that person lives 3,000 miles away. Absentee dating is not only un-natural because of the distance itself, but the relationship cannot develop in a regular way, if you are not seeing each other on a regular basis, warts and all. Most of the time, these long distance relationships drift along in a magical state for awhile, but because the couple is only texting, skyping or phoning (and having sweet, romantic conversations) they don’t get to deal with the usual common deal breakers like if the other person has a stupid laugh like a braying donkey, or if one of them farts or spits in public, or if one of them is constantly hocking up stuff in the back of their throat or if one of them is never aware of their “Andy boot” or if one of them smokes or drinks too much or chews with his/her mouth open, or wears a fanny pack instead of carrying a wallet or stinks up the bathroom or leaves jelly on the counter or if he/she picks his nose, toes or teeth in public. Those may sound like small things, but if you don’t like them, they can make or break a relationship. And you usually don’t find out about those things, unless you are dealing with someone on a day to day basis.

@tedd What is so good about plentyoffish that okcupid doesn’t have? Doesn’t plentyoffish put way more emphasis on the picture and not on the comparability? It’s like craigslist but with forms…

@MyNewtBoobs Honestly its probably a personal preference. OKcupid wasn’t bad by any stretch (and was way better than the likes of e-harmony). I didn’t think there was any more emphasis on the picture than any other dating forum.

As far as the compatibility test stuff that the sites use, I usually ignore it. They’re formulas put together to match you, but you don’t need them, just type in key words of hobbies or what not, and then take the time to read the profile.

@Kardamom What in the world is an “Andy Boot”?

I was trying to find a good picture to post, to show you what Andy Boot is. This is a term, that I think one of my friends made up, to describe when a man is wearing a pair of pants, and lets one of the hems of his trousers creep into the back of his boot or shoe. Andy Griffith (whom I adore), when he played the Sheriff of Mayberry, always had that problem with one of his trouser legs getting caught in the back of his boot. It doesn’t look bad when a man is wearing blue collar work clothes, but it looks dreadful when he’s wearing a suit or dressy clothes. I’ve seen it often and it makes me cringe.

The friend, who I think is the originator of this term, plays in a band and all of the guys wear boots, but one day, he was looking at one of the other guys right before they were supposed to go onstage and he said, “Hey man check your pants. You’ve got Andy Boot.”

You can barely see this phenomenon on Andy’s right pant leg in the picture, the one that is partially cropped out.

@zenvelo I was wondering the same thing.

@Kardamom I thought maybe it was the male version of camel toe, like this (sometimes it looks kind of like a boot squeezed in there). Was I ever wrong. Now I’m wondering what that’s called.

@PluckyDog It’s called a penis.

@FluffyChicken I meant the slang term for a male type version of camel toe.

Sorry, I guess sarcastic jokes don’t read very well on the internet. I think that’s called a moose knuckle.

Online dating would be a great way to connect if you and your date agree to get off online and continue to get to know each other that way. I think online dating has a low relationship rate because it’s like a huge dating game. You meet someone and go out with them a few times and the attractiveness (physically/emotionally) is mutual and everything seems to be going well for a short time, but if you and your date continue to meet new people online, you’re bound to meet someone else you’re equally attracted too and the cycle never ends. Therefore, you’re always waiting around for the next cute face to send you an email or you go searching for someone new or “perfect”. Of course, no one is perfect, so you’ll search for ever. I think online dating can only work if you and your date agree to get off online to try to build a friendship opposed to staying online meeting other people. If you stay online and meet other people while trying to get to know someone, you’ll end up meeting someone else without giving that person a real chance and again, the cycle continues. I also think that some men use online dating to meet as many women as possible with no intention on really getting to know someone special or building a relationship. It’s all fun and games. I am sure that some women are the same as the men. Bottom-line, in my opinion, if you meet someone online that you’re both physically and emotionally attracted to, get off line and try to get to know them instead of being so curious about what else is out there.