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BeccaBoo's avatar

What annoys you most about people?

Asked by BeccaBoo (2720points) June 21st, 2011

I am finding myself getting increasingly more intolerant of people who form opinions about my child without even taking the time to get to know what’s wrong with him.

Today we are in the supermarket (he hates crowds and I refuse to give into this and make him go, he will have to look after himself one day) he decided that he wants to push his baby brother in the trolley, so with my assistance I allowed this to happen. So he is happily trolleying along and bumping into everything, but smiling and the distraction of the people around is great. So I am chatting away to my other son and watching Zac as he scoots around and isle, then bumps head long into a young woman and her daughter (who was around 7 same age as my son), then the next thing I know she is yelling at my son, who promptly puts his hands over his ears and does what he always does when he is stressed and that’s scream at a high pitch tone. Well this leads to her starting to yell at me about him being stupid and screaming like a baby, whilst she is shouting at me, I am trying to apologise and move on dragging Zac out of the situation, but she is having none of it and starts calling him names, so again I am finding myself apologising and trying to explain he is autistic not stupid and he understands what she is saying…...a total blank from this woman, at which point I have a baby crying a screaming and very stressed child and a mother having a tantrum about how my son almost killed her child.
I had enough and the staff were starting to notice so I told her one more time I was very sorry and promptly dragged my children away trying to calm a very upset baby and child! Do people like this pick because they see the weakness? This would never have happened if it had been just myself and my other son as I know the first apology would have been enough?

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32 Answers

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Not about most people but I’ll be honest and tell you what annoys me most about going grocery shopping or any shopping for that matter is unattended or unruly kids. I think the lady was wrong to yell at your son but I would have been annoyed to see him bumping around as you describe nonetheless.

Coloma's avatar

They are rude, arrogant and judgmental without full knowledge.

My pet peeves revolve more around extremely narcissistic types, the ones that never ask about you or your life, but just ramble on into oblivion all about themselves and their stuff.
Expect you to at their beck and call whenever they want something.
And, don’t even get me going on passive aggressive types, and their horrible communication styles and sneaky little game playing and silent treatments. Gah!

My mission this last handful of years is to rid myself of these types, so far so good, and I am in the pathology free zone these days. Yay! lol

Glow's avatar

Hm, strange that a MOTHER would react like that. It’s like hello…. kids are kids! Perhaps she was having a bad day, week, life, whatever. Ha. Who knows. Just don’t let her horrible attitude get to you! But to answer your question, impatient people annoy the crap out of me. I am guilty of losing my patience…. but never with strangers. I hate when people get impatient in the line behind me at the grocery store because for some reason the item is not scanning right or I have a coupon that wont scan, etc etc….

ninjacolin's avatar

I don’t like impatience. Not everyone has time to “get to know” the needs of others but no one has to be verbally or physically violent with another.

Sometimes, before you think about your moral options, you react with violence. And that takes some understanding too.. but everyone should calm down after about 9 seconds and realize how useless that fury is.

tinyfaery's avatar

People who litter really irritate me.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Gum snapping.

Talking with mouths full of food.

Leaving dirty diapers in parking lots.

Not using turn signals.

Letting feet slap or scuff along the ground when walking.

Men with beer bellies and fat wobbly necks making fun of fat women.

People who assume freebies like bottled water and snacks when they visit a business and then get angry when told there are no freebies.

People who call on the phone to do business and then go, Um- I- uh- I want- um- I- uh- wanna ask a question- um- ah- about….

BeccaBoo's avatar

Actually impatience is another really horriable quality, can turn the nicest of people into absolute dragons. So totally agree with @Glow and @ninjacolin.

faye's avatar

I think the woman totally overreacted, but I also hate kids running around with shopping carts. maybe he could push more sedately. That woman is awful and look what she’s teaching her kid.
People chewing gum- no kidding. Go ahead but a little respect!

Tay122's avatar

My brother has autism
I basically grew up studing it (:

BeccaBoo's avatar

Ok, thats great so you will have some hands on experiance about playing games and getting him to communicate with you through them? What sort of things worked for him? Is he an adult now?

sarahtalkpretty's avatar

We would have a very, very big problem if somebody started yelling at my kid like that. However, I do agree with the others about keeping your kids under control to the best of your ability in a store. If they can’t behave walking next to me, then they go in the cart. I don’t judge parents with whining, crying kids because I know how it is, but you have to do your best to keep them out of the way or accidents can happen. It’s not okay IMO to allow your child to go bumping happily along…

kourkoubini's avatar

Temple Grandin

BeccaBoo's avatar

@sarahtalkpretty He was being careful for him, I did not word it very well, he bumped into a few isles, but as any of you will know who have had dealings with kids with autisim, they are not spacially aware, they don’t understand emotions and I had until that point been holding the trolley, he went a head of me (walking, this boy does not run!!!) and bumped her trolley. She totally over reacted! But I do try and keep my kids under control.

Tay122's avatar

@BeccaBoo
My brother is 16
He is wildly into sports so any games with baseball. He asks us to watch the games and loves when we talk abut it with him. so basically whatever your son is into.
I have had many embarrasing times at resturaunts and markets, But after awahile the tantrums only happen every once in a while. as of right now he does not drive and probaly wont untill around the age of 21 or earlier. He is in high school. Learning math and reading and things at school for them stops around the first year of high school. now its social skills and just everything you need to know to prepare them for life. me and my mom went to this big kind of special needs fair where theres many flyers for homes and daycares or buses if they cant drive. i have learned to accept it although i do break out in tears thinking about how far hes come and sometimes even sad its not fair tears but i always go b ack to loving him and you will to with your son.

cheebdragon's avatar

I know nothing about autism, but I know all about being annoyed so I’ll just answer the original question.

People who cheat and lie about it…it’s so fucking cowardly and pathetic. If you were so willing to do it in the first place, you better be willing to own up to it, that is what annoys me the most about some people..

Mariah's avatar

I hate when people judge my decisions without understanding what it’s like to be in my shoes. I rant forever with more detail, but I’d probably offend a lot of people here. So the full rant is here.

hopscotchy's avatar

I am a teacher working with autistic children and when we’re out in public I run into this situation constantly. I have adapted to take the lighthearted route and have found that people are very receptive to it in general. There’s nothing better than successfully talking down someone who has their feathers all ruffled because they simply don’t understand, or they had a hard day, or they’re dealing with frustrations of their own, etc. I’ve learned the hard way, as I’m sure you have, that forcing an autistic child to exhibit fake remorse for their actions has terrible consequences. With my kiddos I have to immediately take the role of the mediator and be an example of how situations like this can be talked down. With autistic kids, if the instance gets elevated and heated they are are likely to dodge conflict constantly because it results in over stimulation. I think that saying “he’s autistic, forgive him” just perpetuates that.

In this situation for example, it would be a matter of letting your child just be in that moment, not involving them but being the example and verbally assessing the situation. “Wow, we’re sorry, that probably hurt when he bumped into you, are you ok?” checking out mom and child, letting them getting all flustered. Mom probably saying something like “blah blah blah… I’m entitled to all of these cocopuffs and this is my grocery store and how dare you people be different than me and out in public.” And you…nodding your head with a slight smile of acknowledgment of their fear of what’s different. Then, and this is the important part, you change the subject. Make it personal. Maybe the “victim” is wearing a spiderman t-shirt and your son really likes spiderman. Maybe there’s some other association that you (or even better, your child) can relate to. Use it! “I see you have a spiderman shirt/ cocopuffs /butter/ toothpaste in your cart, we love spiderman/ buttery things/ cocopuffs/ and brushing our teeth. Well, have to tend to my crying baby, you know how that goes…” The end. Disengage. You’d be surprised at how that simple association reminds people of the fact that the world is full of a lot of different things. As much as they were frustrated they are reminded that “you people” are human just like them and you care about your kids. 9 times out of 10, assuming that nobody is fatally wounded, I have walked out of this situation with both parties relatively content.

Your ultimate goal is to teach your autistic child how to interact with people, and you’re doing that, by example. You can talk about it in a calm environment later, and maybe get a little further. The really ironic thing is that a lot of the time, in scenarios such as this, it’s also your duty to teach other people how to cope with awkward situations, how to see the humanity in all of it. Many people don’t have to deal with “abrasive” interactions that often and when they do, all of the defenses pour out. You’re teaching them, too. Big job.

That said, my pet peeve is adults who can’t chill the f&%$ out. In this case I take a quick moment to mentally visualize something really great happening to them and walk away.

_zen_'s avatar

Usually their BO, strongly followed by the words that come out of their mouth.

woodcutter's avatar

City people who bring their little hyper snappy dogs out on a mountain trail and holler dog! when they see me and my dog approaching. As if they are expecting a problem from us. And it’s always their dog who is out of control and going mental probably embarrassing the hell out of them. Because my dog is the size of a pony they are all verklempt. My dog is polite enough to not need a leash out there in the boonies.
She even steps off the trail to shit and pee.

wundayatta's avatar

What annoys and baffles me is that not everyone adores and loves me. I mean, what’s with that? Are they trying to give me a complex? Some kind of venereal disease? I mean, get with the program people. Wundy needs love and adoration. 24/7. He tends to wither and seep away if he doesn’t get enough.

This message has been brought to you by the Society for the Preservation of Wundayatta, which has nothing to do with the Environmental Protection Agency, even if they sound like dead ringers for each other.

cheebdragon's avatar

@wundayatta story of my life… It’s like no one appreciates awesomeness anymore….

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

I find people (in general) are getting ruder and more obnoxious everyday, and it’s a sad commentary on our society. Manners have gone out the window, there is little to no respect for your fellow man, and a lot of adults are behaving like immature children. And I especially dislike the violence I see out there. Young men who act like brutes and are nothing but a bunch of aggressive sh*theads, and young women with no sense of propriety when it comes to being a lady——drinking and even fighting, like their young male counterparts.

woodcutter's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES those damned trailer courts

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@woodcutter “trailer courts?” What do you mean?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. In the case you mentioned I think maybe that mother was having issues and your kid was a useful convenient outlet for her to vent against. If I were in a supermarket and a 7yr old, autistic or not bumped their cart into mine I would accept the apology of the mother or dad and go abut my business assuming the kid was in his/her own space doing kids things. It might have been 1,000 years ago but I still remember being off in my own world doing things grown ups thought odd.

In answer to the question, the people who annoy me most are those who wear their emotions on their sleeve more than facing up and dealing with logic. Logic of how things are going to go don’t care if you like it or not, it does what it does. You can’t control the storm but you can trim your sails. Those who duck, dodge, and hide from the logic which is almost always the truth, are the hardest to deal with.

woodcutter's avatar

Neighborhoods where the homes are “manufactured” @MRSHINYSHOES , usually there may be an engine block or other car parts laying about the yard, possibly an old refrigerator. The inhabitants there are annoying and certainly noisy at the least.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@woodcutter lol….I get the picture. Certainly not in my neighbourhood!

Seelix's avatar

What annoys me most about people in general? Intolerance and closed-mindedness.

LoboDelMar15's avatar

I hate it when random people i never met before go off on me because they didn’t like something i said ,,,, im just like your probably never going to see me again why bother fighting with me.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Ignorance is my biggest pet peeve. How that woman acted was completely ridiculous. Who doesn’t know what autism is? Just picturing that mess makes me mad. If I was facing someone that belligerent, I would have stopped after the first apology and stood up for my child. She was a jerk and jerks don’t deserve apologies.

Schroedes13's avatar

Simple lack of common sense is my greatest annoyance from people. Also this quote from Rick Mercer is a gem close to my heart, “Because let’s face it, there’s no cure for stupid. But stupid and talking, there’s a cure for that. It’s called you’re fired.” It’s random, but I really dislike people who let their mouths make a fool of their face!

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